Category Archives: Reality TV

Being Mandela

Posted in Reality TV by

Image

Hey Lovers, 

Last week I was minding my own business watching Politics Nation with the Rev. Al Sharpton (who is my grandfather in my mind) when he showed a segment with Zaizwe and Swati, the granddaughters of the great Nelson was incarcerated for 27 years Mandela. It was a normal interview at first then Rev. Al proceeded to mention that Swati, Zaizwe, Winnie Mandela and a gang of their other relatives were going to be on a new reality show called “Being Mandela” on Cozi TV. My first thought was “What the **** is Cozi TV?” My next thought was “why?” Why are the descendants of such an icon doing a reality show? 

Since I had so many questions I decided I had to watch. I found out what Cozi TV is. For all of you who have Cablevision in NYC, it’s channel 109. I watched yesterday since The Grammy Awards, RHOA and the Shah’s finale were all ahead of the Mandelas. 

During their interview with Rev. Al, Swati & Zaizwe, the Kourtney & Kim of this series, claimed they did not want to do anything to tarnish the Mandela name and Nelson Mandela  would not be shown on the show. As I watched my mind went back to their interview. The show basically follows these 2 women and their life. They work for the Mandela museum and they’re both mothers. Zaizwe has 3 children and Swati has 1. Swati basically said she’s single and ready to mingle. During episode 1 we got to see Winnie Mandela in an age appropriate wig. We also got to see some of the Mandela great grandchildren. 

I may give this show one more episode but as of right now I’m feeling like Swati & Zaizwe must have some ulterior motive. Being Nelson Mandela’s grandchild means that you have enough connections to do whatever you want, so why a reality show?

The preview for next week’s episode showed Swati showing up to the kids’ baptism allegedly hungover. We’ll also meet their 3rd sister and see her curse out Swati. For these reasons, Swati & Zaizwe may added to the list of people who are on time out along with Keyshia Cole. To me, this would be like Martin Luther King’s granddaughters doing a reality show. Other than trying to get their 5 minutes of fame, do we really need to an icon’s relatives acting a fool on TV?

Do you think the Mandela crew needs to be on reality TV? Will you watch? Comment below and let me know! 

Leave Whitney Alone

Posted in Reality TV by

Whitney Houston

Hello Lovers,

I hope you had a great weekend. As I was watching LL Cool J’s episode of Next Chapter I saw a commercial for Cissy Houston’s upcoming episode. I have only one request. Can we please leave Whitney alone? This is starting to be too much. Well, it was too much when the family did that messy ass show only 3 months after Whitney passed away. Aside from the show, last week Wendy Williams reported that Cissy Houston has written a book that will be released this week. I’m not here for this book. I’m not here for the family doing more interviews anytime in the near future and I’m certainly not here for another season of the Houstons.

At this point what do we need to know that we don’t already know? It seems like the main characters have had ample opportunities to give us their story. After Cissy Houston’s interview I propose that a moratorium be placed on Whitney Houston interviews. We’ve heard Bobby Brown’s side. We’ve heard from the brother and sister in law. We’re about to hear from Cissy Houston. Bobby Kristina told us her side during the few lucid moments she had on the show.  Hell, even Bobby Brown’s sister got a check back in the day when she sold her story to the tabloids then did interviews under the guise of wanting Whitney to get help. If my memory serves me correctly, even a couple members of New Edition gave their 2 cents on Bobby & Whitney. At this point the only person we haven’t heard from on the topic of Whitney Houston is Ray-J; thankfully. 

We know Whitney Houston was arguably one of the best singers to ever live. We know Whitney Houston is our favorite singer’s favorite singer. We know how she tragically lost her life too soon. We know Bobby Kristina is 1 new prescription away from an episode of Intervention. We know Whitney & Bobby were crazy (and high) in love.  I know, I’d just like for Whitney to be allowed to rest in peace without every few months a book, reality show, episode of Next Chapter or whatever else is being dreamed up to claim we’re being told something we haven’t heard in the previous book, show or interview. 

So Lovers, what do you think? Have we heard enough about the rise and tragic fall of Whitney Houston? Comment below and let me know! 

Starter Wives, will you watch?

Posted in Reality TV by

Starter Wives

Hello Lovers! I hope 2013 is treating you well. I have a question for all you beautiful people. Will you be watching Starter Wives with me? 

On Tuesday we’ll be introduced to new show on TLC called Starter Wives. At first I was not interested. You saw “Hollywood Exes.” It was a bunch of middle aged women discussing  the lives of luxury they used to have but not really giving us anything else.  I originally thought this show was going to be more of the same thing until I learned about the cast. Before we discuss the cast, I must warn you, the term “wives” is being used in “Basketball Wives” sense, which is not really. There are like 2 real wives but the majority of the women are baby mamas/ex-fiances. On to the cast members who have caught my eye and made we want to give this show a chance. 

  • Josie Harris: Ex-fiance of Floyd Mayweather Jr. Is she the one who was involved in that domestic violence case that landed Money Mayweather in jail? Will she spill the tea about Mayweather’s homoerotic bromance with 50 Cent? Depending how she plays this I foresee a  book deal in her future. I mean, they gave Toya Carter a book and she doesn’t even have a GED. 
  • Liza Morales: Baby mama of Lamar Odom. Will she be throwing shade at the Kardashian Klan?  How does she feel about not getting the ring after 2 kids then Lamar Odom went on to marry Khloe after knowing her only 30 days? Will she show her kids on this show while we’ve never seen them on any of the 5011 Kardashian shows? I’m rooting for Liza.
  • Tashera Simmons: Wife of DMX. I’m sure Tashera has some DMX crack tales we’ve yet to hear. On Couples Therapy we learned that DMX has approximately 7 side babies. The long history, rise & fall from stardom and all around messiness will make great TV.  
  • Monica Joseph-Taylor: Wife of DJ Funkmaster Flex. Am I the only one who thinks Funk Flex is hiding something? I don’t know what the something is but I want Monica to tell.
  • Zakia Baum: ex-girlfriend of rapper Maino. Maino is like a less classy version of Jadakiss (which I like). As a result, I know Ms. Zakia has some stories. I want to know if she was on the scene when Maino was incarcerated for kidnapping and a laundry list of other things. 

Yesterday Wendy Williams reported that 50 Cent’s baby mama Shaniqua was supposed to be a castmember but pulled out at the last minute. I’m guessing 50 cut a bigger check than TLC did. The cast also includes Cheryl Caruso the ex-wife of alleged Mobster Phil “Philly” Caruso. We have a show for mob wives called Mob Wives so I could probably live without her but I’m not knocking the hustle.

All in all I think this show could get a spot in my Tuesday night lineup if these women spill the appropriate amount of tea. The appropriate amount being enough to keep it interesting but not too much where it seems like they’re bitter.  

So, will you be watching? Comment below and let me know! 

Consequence’s consequences

Posted in Reality TV by
Love & Hip Hop Season 3

Love & Hip Hop Season 3 Jen & Cons

Hello Lovers!

Let me start by saying “Happy New Year” since this is my first post of 2013. Last night on Love & Hip Hop we were introduced to Jen “used to have a pen,” and her baby’s daddy Consequence along with his very pronounced overbite. At first I didn’t want to like Consequence because his overbite and the fact he lives in Staten Island makes it hard for me to take him seriously. Then, Jen started talking. She was calling herself a housewife but she’s not married; strike 1. Later, she told Consequence that he had to increase the budget for their son’s first birthday party because her family is expecting her to ball out since she’s with a “big rapper.” That ladies and gentlemen was when I was finished with Jen and her alleged pen.

People on Twitter and Facebook were divided. Some people claimed that it was wrong for Consequence to limit the budget. Others including me thought it was totally reasonable for Consequence to tell Jen if she wanted more than what they agreed on then she should find a way to pay for it. Let’s explore this.

I know being a marginally known rapper’s baby’s mama is an emerging industry but does that mean that these women are entitled to a come up against the man’s wishes? We can all agree that every man no matter what the income should support his child. However, does that mean that if the man has a lot of cash he has to finance whatever overpriced extravagant thing the mother thinks the child should have?   I don’t think so.

Further, just because the father is of substantial means, does that mean the mother never has to contribute? After all, doesn’t it take 2? Jen sounds like the person who wanted all the extras but expected Consequence to foot the bill. How is that fair? And anyway let’s be honest, no one, I repeat no one remembers their first birthday. Fancy first birthday parties have just become a stuntfest for the parents lately.

I’m really trying to think of an argument in favor of Jen but I can’t find one that makes much sense. She wanted a party for the child. She got a party for the child but because Consequence didn’t make it rain for a 1 year old’s birthday party, he’s the bad guy?

Dear Jen, You’re not the typical client I’d help for free but it’s clear you need someone. If you don’t like the crumbs Consequence is giving you, you have an option. While you claim to know housewives who don’t have a budget, you are not a wife. You can get a child support order and then you’ll collect checks. It may not be as much as you want but it will probably be more than Consequence wants which is victory in itself. If you don’t want to take my advice you might have to do like a lot of other women who have children and work. It may appear that having a baby seems like hitting the lottery, it isn’t. That’s all. DM me @rantraverandom if you have any further questions.

Spotted!

Posted in Reality TV, VH1 by

Hey Lovers!

Image

I know it’s been awhile since we’ve spoken. Over the weekend a friend contacted me with a cute story just in time for me to give you all some Christmas Tea. Apparently being the Baby Mama to Juelz Santana doesn’t preclude Kimbella from shopping like the rest of us. Saturday, Kimbella was spotted at the Gap Outlet in the Bergen Mall.

So, the fact Kimbella shops at the Gap Outlet is funny enough but she had the NERVE to ask if she could skip the line. She said “I’m Kimbella from Love & Hip Hop can I skip the line?” Maybe the staff has never seen the show, maybe they have seen the show and aren’t fans or maybe they don’t have any f****s left to give as a result of the holidays. No matter what the their reasoning was, the staff at the Gap Outlet made Kimbella wait like every other customer. Guess ***king the right D doesn’t get you to the front of the Gap line.

Happy Holidays!  

Catfish

Posted in Reality TV by

 

Hey Lovers,

I know we have a lot to watch on Monday nights as it is between BBWLA, Teen Mom 2 and which ever Housewives are on Bravo currently. If you have the energy or DVR, I’d like to bring a new show to your attention. It airs Mondays at 11PM after Teen Mom 2 on MTV. It’s called Catfish. It’s based on the 2012 movie of the same name. The show is hosted by the guy from the movie and he’s helping people meet their online “loves.”

Monday we met a 21 year old girl from Arkansas. Don’t worry, I don’t know where Arkansas is either. She had been in a “relationship” with someone named RJ who allegedly lived in LA, was a model, wrote cue cards for Chelsea Handler and was taking online anesthesiology classes. I didn’t know University of Phoenix even had a medical school but these days you never know. The girl had never seen her “love.” She never Skyped or Facetimed with the modeling, cue card writing online medical student. 

Long story short, they take the girl to meet her online “boyfriend.” Come to find out her “boyfriend” wasn’t even a boy. RJ was Chelsea an 18 year old butch lesbian virgin who smugly claimed that she used that fake Facebook account to have tons of relationships with unsuspecting girls. Apparently the aforementioned butch lesbian got bullied in high school and is using the Internet to get some kind of revenge. Honestly, I tuned out for the “it gets better” segment.

There’s something hilarious about seeing people find out that their “relationships” don’t really exist. From the preview, next Monday’s episode is going to be amazing; amazingly messy. On Monday we will meet a synthetic wig & black lip liner wearing stripper who is waiting to meet her online beau who is also a stripper. Once there’s a synthetic wig and a stripper reality TV gold is sure to follow, remember Joseline?

Have you seen Catfish? Will you be watching? Comment below and let me know.    

Houston Problems

Posted in Reality TV by

 

Hey Lovers, 

No one told me The Houstons was on yesterday. That fact tells me y’all are done with the Houstons. I’m done with them too. Let’s discuss why! 

  • Krissy: I’m not gonna go too hard on Krissy because it’s clear she needs help. I don’t know what kinda weed or pills Krissy is on but it’s clear she’s not with us. I think it’s just a matter of time before we see Krissy on “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.” I just want Krissy to get her head and wig in order. 
  • Nick: I have so many questions about Nick. Here are just a few. Where is his real family? Why is he getting brother/sister tattoos with the girl he calls his fiancee? When is he coming out the closet?
  • Raya: It’s clear from Raya’s interviews that she wants a spin off and I’m not here for it. 
  • Pat: I think Pat means well but she’s not dealing with reality. Krissy isn’t checking for her. My main wishes for Aunt Pat are that she use Dr. Miracle’s Temple & Nape grease, get a new makeup artist and stops all the fronting. 
  • Uncle Ray & Uncle Gary: Both the uncles give me “I used to smoke crack but now I just drink.”  
  • Sissy: Ms. Sissy Houston gives me life. I love the fact she knows how to text. She gives me ol’ school Black grandmother which resonates with me because I have an ol’ school Black grandmother.  

I like a messy show just like the rest of you but The Houstons are a little bit too broken for the show to be a guilty pleasure. Overall, I think The Houstons need to reevaluate because this show is not going to cut it. 

What do you think about The Houstons? Comment below and let me know! 

Bad Girls?

Posted in Reality TV by

Hey Lovers, 

I missed the latest episode of the Bad Girls Club because our Monday night Reality Show schedule is getting a bit out of hand. I watched Monday’s episode this morning and I figured I give you all my thoughts. Let’s discuss! 

  • Falen. What is Falen’s role on this show other than bothering me with that tacky hair color? We haven’t heard anything interesting about her life and she hasn’t done anything interesting on the show except for claiming she’s “G’ed up.” Clearly she has redefined G’ed up in the way I redefined a bunch of things in our chat yesterday. If you missed that discussion, catch up on it here: https://triple18.wordpress.com/2012/08/21/definitions-optional/. Falen, you wore an Easter hat to the club, revisit your claim of being G’ed up.  
  • Andrea. Andrea and I are the same age. When I feel badly about my life I can just watch BGC and remember that being a go-go dancer, using disagreeable weave hair and wearing endless tacky rags from Pretty Girl (Tello’s for my Boston girls) is much worse than looking for an attorney position. 
  • Julie. I like Julie. Julie has stirred the pot in so many directions and it never comes back to her. Julie is either really clever or everyone else is too stupid to realize what she’s doing. I normally don’t like instigators but I like the way she gets everyone to do what she wants all the time without question. 
  • Mehgan. Mehgan bores me. Every now and again she says 1 clever line but at this point she’s forgettable. Bye Mehgan.
  • Ashley. Is it me or is Ashley’s weave on slim fast? That’s about all I have on her. She’s a bit dizzy but that makes her harmless. Next!  
  • Christina “Jersey.” Christina is crazier than 5 K. Michelles and I love it! She makes good TV. She got a bottle of Clicquot from a creepy old man and thought she had a Basketball Wives come up. Good for her. I love people who are not high maintenance. That’s right, you’re winning with a bottle that doesn’t even come with sparklers. Good job Jersey. Am I the only one who enjoyed the “German Nazi” rant? There’s nothing like getting drunk and hurling racial insults at your ex. I’ve never done that but it seems fun. Leave some Central American jokes in the comments for me. I may want to go Christina on my ex soon.
  • Rima.  We know someone is going home next week after the fight between Rima & Christina. I really, sincerely hope it is Rima. Rima is supposedly 22 but she looks washed up and she’s very annoying. Am I the only one unimpressed by Rima’s new found backbone? Really, Rima? You’re really going to get turned up over your $6.99 Walmart foundation? Go home, raise your son. I’m done with you. 

I’m looking forward to next because I want to see who is going home. I’m kind of not ready for another replacement but if Rima is leaving, I’m all for it. 

What did you think of this week’s episode?

Did I miss anything? Let me know! 

Teen Mess

Posted in Reality TV by

Hey Lovers, 

I missed Teen Mom last night because I was watching Team USA slay in the Olympics. Let’s discuss last night’s happenings. 

Let me begin by saying that after watching the last 2 episodes I’m glad this show is ending. Overall it’s getting way to messy (read White trash) and the girls really are not cute. 

  • Farrah. Can we agree that Sophia is going to be on Love & Hip Hop Tampa in about 18 years as a rapper’s baby mama if Farrah continues? Farrah really needs to reevaluate. Every other episode she has a new dude but yet she cannot find time to get Sophia off of the pacifier. I hope MTV has dental because Sophia’s teeth are going to be wrecked. I know Farrah believes she’s doing a good job but she isn’t. Art appreciation? Girl, you better study those drink recipes because art appreciation isn’t going to cut it; for anyone. Especially not a single teen mom. Am I the only 1 who thinks it’s a little messy that she has this random dude babysitting Sophia? I hope Dr. Drew is  available when Sophia starts acting out because Farrah would rather run around Texas with a dude she barely knows trying to take the whole MILF thing literally.  
  • Amber. I’m not going to spend a lot of time on Amber because she’s such a sad case. Can you tell me why Amber feels the need to wear false lashes daily? I don’t get it. I need to find Amber’s Twitter so I can explain to her that those Lee Press on Nails are really not a good idea, any day of the week. Amber must stop. She lies. She told us she got skinny by boxing and working out daily. She was actually on that stuff and got big after getting off that stuff. Amber didn’t learn much in rehab because she keeps blaming everyone except herself for her problems. Leah’s grandma wasn’t home, she’s the problem? Actually Amber, you’re the problem. Figure out why you can’t have custody of your daughter but you go to your teen mom cousin for advice. Does she really have everything figured out? I mean, she chills with you a lot so she can’t possibly have good sense.
  • Maci. Maci used to be my favorite but I’m over her now. She can afford a souped up Benz but no Proactiv; that makes no sense to me. Clearly she’s on the same pipe as Farrah since Bentley is damn near old enough to start reading Huck Finn but yet he’s still sucking a pacifier. I guess Maci has never heard of tenancy by the entirety. Moving in with a guy who is not your husband or your child’s father when everything is in his name. What’s the worst that could happen? C’mon Maci, you used to be smart. While we’re on the subject, I’m over Ryan, his tacky ass girlfriend and his overly sensitive mama too. He’s been claiming he’s going to formalize custody for about 2 seasons and still hasn’t done it. His mother isn’t happy unless there’s something to make her cry. Y’all know I was done with Ryan’s girlfriend when I saw her name is Dallas spelled Dallis. 
  • Catelynn, Tyler & The Crack King. Is it weird that I want Tyler to break up with Catelynn? I’m kind of tired of their relationship. It seems like they’ve become more like brother and sister; aside from the fact that they’re step siblings. I’m also tired of Butch. He’s a crackhead; this, we know. I’ll be tuning in next week to see how his mullet goes over with the jury. 

Overall, MTV is doing the right thing by ending this show. These girls are messier than I imagined they would be. Out of the 4 of them I thought 1 would get it right. I was wrong. 

How do you feel about these girls? Let me know! 

Love & Heart Attack Atlanta

Posted in Reality TV, VH1 by

Image

Okay Lovers it’s been awhile so let me say “how you doin’?” in my best Wendy Williams voice. As you may or may not know studying for the bar exam really ruins everything. It’s not like that beer commercial. Anyway, I digress. I’m writing now in hopes that this post will help lower my blood pressure which is through the roof thanks to that ghetto display we just witnessed on VH1. Let’s discuss 

  • Mimi & Stevie J. Mimi claims she has been with Stevie for 15 years but he was with Eve 12 years ago but hey I guess everything is all good when you’re in the music industry. Mimi is clearly an older read “mature” woman. I’m no mind reader but I’m pretty sure that if your man can’t get it right after 15 years, he doesn’t intend to get it right. 15 years is longer than most marriages, Mimi listen to your friend Ariane & do better. Stevie J, must be on the down slide. Did y’all see how the studio is in a gas station? 
  • Joseline. Joseline is the Somaya of this show except she makes me miss the real Somaya. Whoever is in charge of production should’ve gotten Joseline those accent reduction lessons that Julissa took on Empire Girls because I didn’t know that poor soul was saying. Side point: Why does she never wear pants but loves furs? She had on those Princess Jasmine sheer things when they met LA Reid’s son & in the club she claimed that pink bathmat was from Neiman’s. Maybe Stevie J should send her back to the strip club because life among regular people clearly isn’t for her. Between the Natalie Nunn chin, Rihanna wig and Katt Stacks accent in her mouth I was done with her from minute 1. 
  • Karline. Aren’t you a bit old to be trying to rap? Secondly how are you Trini giving us Jamaican rhymes? You know what? Mi dun know. . . 
  • Mama Dee. I really thought they wouldn’t be  able to top the crackish antics of Mama Jones but Lord, I was wrong. I knew Mama Dee was trouble when she said someone tried to f*** with “no grease.” Not lube; grease. That must be a country thing shawty. I think Mama Dee should be careful since I’m guessing she’s still on probation from the pimpin’ and dope dealing. Unlike Nicki Minaj, Mama Dee really beez in the trap.  
  • Erica. Erica appears to be Emily B Lite. I don’t understand how she says Diamond was an “affair.” Diamond was at their daughter’s birthday party. I thought it was only an affair when you’re married. But I guess she’s using Evelyn Lozada’s dictionary. I’m not knocking Diamond’s hustle, according to Mama Dee she got a new booty out the deal and upgraded to Soulja Boy. You know, someone with a couple hit singles. Maybe Erica should get Scrappy to buy her an ass so she can snag a man who actually wants to be with her. Her chances of becoming Mrs. Scrappy Merlot Jones don’t look too high. 
  • K. Michelle. I don’t know who this person is. Well, I don’t know who 99% of these people are. But what I do know is that her alleged attacker is none other than the step father of Baby Carter. . .Memphitz. What I do know is K. Michelle needs a lawyer, a therapist, and an accountant because if you can get your ass whooped and lose $2million you need new people. Side note: Where do I submit my resume for Memphitz’s old job? I want someone to leave me unattended with $2million. 
  • Rasheeda. I don’t know how I know Rasheeda other than the “bedrock” remix but she’ll be joining the cast soon. I want to know how you still rap when you’re a grandmother. My grandmother introduces herself as “Grandma” and bakes pies. Rasheeda remixed a song and told us she gets wetter than a lake. Don’t know what I mean? Check: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43dTGyi-Hm8 Lord only knows what her story line is. 

This show is too much for my blood pressure. Next week I’ll be half watching because my heart can’t take all the staged ghetto antics. VH1 has really outdone itself. Would you ever think a show would make us miss the Basketball Wives (east & west Coast) & the original Love & Hip Hop?

Did I miss anything? Let me know. You can always follow the randomness on Twitter @RantRaveRandom!