I was on a call last night so I didn’t get the chance to watch Love & Hip Hop with you live. Following are just a few of thoughts. Let me apologize in advance. This post would’ve gone up sooner but someone decided to jump out the window with me on Facebook. I digress. Let’s continue.
Love & Hip Hop Hollywood premiered last week but I was losing my morals in Vegas, more on that later. I watched the premiere last night in order to give you some quick thoughts on it before Episode 2. Below are just a few of my brain drops. Continue reading
I know we have a lot to watch on Monday nights as it is between BBWLA, Teen Mom 2 and which ever Housewives are on Bravo currently. If you have the energy or DVR, I’d like to bring a new show to your attention. It airs Mondays at 11PM after Teen Mom 2 on MTV. It’s called Catfish. It’s based on the 2012 movie of the same name. The show is hosted by the guy from the movie and he’s helping people meet their online “loves.”
Monday we met a 21 year old girl from Arkansas. Don’t worry, I don’t know where Arkansas is either. She had been in a “relationship” with someone named RJ who allegedly lived in LA, was a model, wrote cue cards for Chelsea Handler and was taking online anesthesiology classes. I didn’t know University of Phoenix even had a medical school but these days you never know. The girl had never seen her “love.” She never Skyped or Facetimed with the modeling, cue card writing online medical student.
Long story short, they take the girl to meet her online “boyfriend.” Come to find out her “boyfriend” wasn’t even a boy. RJ was Chelsea an 18 year old butch lesbian virgin who smugly claimed that she used that fake Facebook account to have tons of relationships with unsuspecting girls. Apparently the aforementioned butch lesbian got bullied in high school and is using the Internet to get some kind of revenge. Honestly, I tuned out for the “it gets better” segment.
There’s something hilarious about seeing people find out that their “relationships” don’t really exist. From the preview, next Monday’s episode is going to be amazing; amazingly messy. On Monday we will meet a synthetic wig & black lip liner wearing stripper who is waiting to meet her online beau who is also a stripper. Once there’s a synthetic wig and a stripper reality TV gold is sure to follow, remember Joseline?
Have you seen Catfish? Will you be watching? Comment below and let me know.
Okay Lovers it’s been awhile so let me say “how you doin’?” in my best Wendy Williams voice. As you may or may not know studying for the bar exam really ruins everything. It’s not like that beer commercial. Anyway, I digress. I’m writing now in hopes that this post will help lower my blood pressure which is through the roof thanks to that ghetto display we just witnessed on VH1. Let’s discuss
- Mimi & Stevie J. Mimi claims she has been with Stevie for 15 years but he was with Eve 12 years ago but hey I guess everything is all good when you’re in the music industry. Mimi is clearly an
older read “mature” woman. I’m no mind reader but I’m pretty sure that if your man can’t get it right after 15 years, he doesn’t intend to get it right. 15 years is longer than most marriages, Mimi listen to your friend Ariane & do better. Stevie J, must be on the down slide. Did y’all see how the studio is in a gas station?
- Joseline. Joseline is the Somaya of this show except she makes me miss the real Somaya. Whoever is in charge of production should’ve gotten Joseline those accent reduction lessons that Julissa took on Empire Girls because I didn’t know that poor soul was saying. Side point: Why does she never wear pants but loves furs? She had on those Princess Jasmine sheer things when they met LA Reid’s son & in the club she claimed that pink bathmat was from Neiman’s. Maybe Stevie J should send her back to the strip club because life among regular people clearly isn’t for her. Between the Natalie Nunn chin, Rihanna wig and Katt Stacks accent in her mouth I was done with her from minute 1.
- Karline. Aren’t you a bit old to be trying to rap? Secondly how are you Trini giving us Jamaican rhymes? You know what? Mi dun know. . .
- Mama Dee. I really thought they wouldn’t be able to top the crackish antics of Mama Jones but Lord, I was wrong. I knew Mama Dee was trouble when she said someone tried to f*** with “no grease.” Not lube; grease. That must be a country thing shawty. I think Mama Dee should be careful since I’m guessing she’s still on probation from the pimpin’ and dope dealing. Unlike Nicki Minaj, Mama Dee really beez in the trap.
- Erica. Erica appears to be Emily B Lite. I don’t understand how she says Diamond was an “affair.” Diamond was at their daughter’s birthday party. I thought it was only an affair when you’re married. But I guess she’s using Evelyn Lozada’s dictionary. I’m not knocking Diamond’s hustle, according to Mama Dee she got a new booty out the deal and upgraded to Soulja Boy. You know, someone with a couple hit singles. Maybe Erica should get Scrappy to buy her an ass so she can snag a man who actually wants to be with her. Her chances of becoming Mrs. Scrappy Merlot Jones don’t look too high.
- K. Michelle. I don’t know who this person is. Well, I don’t know who 99% of these people are. But what I do know is that her alleged attacker is none other than the step father of Baby Carter. . .Memphitz. What I do know is K. Michelle needs a lawyer, a therapist, and an accountant because if you can get your ass whooped and lose $2million you need new people. Side note: Where do I submit my resume for Memphitz’s old job? I want someone to leave me unattended with $2million.
- Rasheeda. I don’t know how I know Rasheeda other than the “bedrock” remix but she’ll be joining the cast soon. I want to know how you still rap when you’re a grandmother. My grandmother introduces herself as “Grandma” and bakes pies. Rasheeda remixed a song and told us she gets wetter than a lake. Don’t know what I mean? Check: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43dTGyi-Hm8 Lord only knows what her story line is.
This show is too much for my blood pressure. Next week I’ll be half watching because my heart can’t take all the staged ghetto antics. VH1 has really outdone itself. Would you ever think a show would make us miss the Basketball Wives (east & west Coast) & the original Love & Hip Hop?
Did I miss anything? Let me know. You can always follow the randomness on Twitter @RantRaveRandom!