It’s been forever, I know. I’ve missed this platform but #SurvivingRKelly has brought me out of writing retirement. I originally planned on skipping the R. Kelly docu-series altogether because we know what he is at this point. The cult story came out nearly 2 years ago and that was 20 years after he married Aaliyah at age 15 but the social media discussions were so widely varied, I got curious.
The documentary presents so many issues which deserve further examination but I want to focus on the narrative about the “fast/fass girl” angle. In my part of the African-American community, fast was literally the worst thing you could be or be perceived to be as a young girl. In short, a “fast” girl is a girl who is a sexual being. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, just imagine a less sophisticated but way more problematic version of slut-shaming. I’ve been slut-shamed as an adult and accused of being “fast” as a child. Being accused of being fast was way, way, way worse. Continue reading →
Happy New Year! One of my goals for 2017 is to read more. For Christmas, I got a Kindle. My first purchase was “We Should All Be Feminists” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Feminism has had more than 15 minutes of fame recently. Like most of the world, I first learned of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie when she was featured on Beyonce’s song “Flawless.” What I did not know was the excerpt we hear in “Flawless” was adopted from a TED Talk. Unlike most of the world, I prefer to read about things before I go labeling myself willy nilly.
By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the events going on at the University Of Missouri. If you haven’t heard more than sound bites, read about ithereand here.
I had heard about the football team’s boycott briefly. Since I’m not a sports fan of any kind, I usually only hear about anything sports related briefly. The story did not blow up until the football team’s efforts were successful. University President Tim Wolfe resigned.
I was on a call last night so I didn’t get the chance to watch Love & Hip Hop with you live. Following are just a few of thoughts. Let me apologize in advance. This post would’ve gone up sooner but someone decided to jump out the window with me on Facebook. I digress. Let’s continue.
I’ve wanted to write this post for a while. I spent the second weekend of March in New Orleans where I turned 30!
As the clock ticked towards March 14th, I remembered Sex & The City. I definitely used my 20’s to make the mistakes, so I want my 30’s to be about learning the lessons. Lord willing, I’ll be buying the young girls drinks when I’m in my 40’s. I digress.
On my flight and the days leading up to my trip I began to think about all the things I had learned up to that point. I decided that I wanted to enter this decade of my life with purpose. So, I thought about the biggest lessons I’ve learned thus far. Let’s discuss!
Parents are people too.Growing up we tend to think our parents and other adults in our lives know everything. At least, that’s what I thought. I was wrong. That’s a lie, a big lie. As my 20’s progressed, I realized that the people who raised me are just people. I love them of course but they are fallible. They are human like everyone else. They have issues and insecurities. They can do things that are hurtful. They can do things that are selfish and inconsiderate. They don’t have all the answers. Hell, in some cases they might not have any answers which is okay too.
Some relationships have expiration dates.Just because someone has been in your life forever, that doesn’t mean they have to be in your life forever. Two years ago I had to let go of a friendship that I thought I would have forever. When I told my family, they said “but you’ve been friends forever.” While long friendships are a blessing, some times they need to end. In some cases you might need to make a business decision about a personal relationship. That’s what I did. I asked myself, “what is the value added?” In that friendship, not only did I no longer know what the value added was, keeping the friendship started feeling like a burden. Of course there are ups and down in every relationship. However, when there are only downs, it might be time to move on. Don’t be afraid to move on.
Be your best advocate. The fact is: human nature is selfish. Remember “Flawless.” Remember, “We teach girls to shrink themselves.” Then, don’t shrink yourself. Find your voice. Use your voice to advocate for yourself. Advocate for yourself at work. Get the assignment you want. Get the position you want. Be deliberate. Advocate for yourself personally. This is something I’m still working on. I had to learn how to filter out the external voices in order to hear my own in some situations. I had to learn how to advocate for the treatment I want. I learned that no one is going to advocate for me, like me.
Are you at, near or over 30? What have you learned? What did you wish you would’ve learned sooner? Comment below and let me know!
Hey Lovers have you heard? Yesterday Hot 97 reached a new low; even for Hot 97. If you didn’t see it, you can read about ithere. Short story short, Hot 97 tweeted and later deleted the question: Do you believe Black women have an attitude problem? To add insult to injury, there was a picture of First Lady Michelle Obama. It’s shortly after midnight as I write this but I was so pissed I could not wait. Let’s discuss.
I didn’t get the chance to watch the BET Awards with you live for the entire show because I wasn’t home then I fell asleep. This morning, because I love you, I caught up on the performances and red carpet fashions that I missed. I don’t have anymore pictures because I’m writing this on my lunch break (don’t tell anyone) and if you’re reading this you have the Internet too. I’m just going to give you a few of my thoughts on the performances I missed in no particular order. Think of it as a freestyle. Continue reading →