Review: This is How You Lose Her

 

From Amazon

From Amazon

Hey Lovers,

I’ve been good about reading consistently but I haven’t been good about reviewing. My apologies. I just finished the book “This Is How You Lose Her” by Junot Diaz. This is the first time I’ve read a book by Junot Diaz, though I had listened to one of his stories on the New Yorker’s fiction podcast. According to Amazon, this is a fictional book but given the information we know about Diaz, I suspect that all or most of the major aspects (locations, main characters, etc) of the stories are at least based on events that really happened.

The book is composed of nine short stories. Five of them are named after women. Each story could stand on its own however I loved the way they read as a collection.

Continue reading

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3 Things I learned by 30

Birthday

New Orleans French Quarter

I’ve wanted to write this post for a while. I spent the second weekend of March in New Orleans where I turned 30!

As the clock ticked towards March 14th, I remembered Sex & The City. I definitely used my 20’s to make the mistakes, so I want my 30’s to be about learning the lessons. Lord willing, I’ll be buying the young girls drinks when I’m in my 40’s. I digress.

On my flight and the days leading up to my trip I began to think about all the things I had learned up to that point. I decided that I wanted to enter this decade of my life with purpose. So, I thought about the biggest lessons I’ve learned thus far. Let’s discuss!

  1. Parents are people too. Growing up we tend to think our parents and other adults in our lives know everything. At least, that’s what I thought. I was wrong. That’s a lie, a big lie. As my 20’s progressed, I realized that the people who raised me are just people. I love them of course but they are fallible. They are human like everyone else. They have issues and insecurities. They can do things that are hurtful. They can do things that are selfish and inconsiderate. They don’t have all the answers. Hell, in some cases they might not have any answers which is okay too.
  1. Some relationships have expiration dates. Just because someone has been in your life forever, that doesn’t mean they have to be in your life forever. Two years ago I had to let go of a friendship that I thought I would have forever. When I told my family, they said “but you’ve been friends forever.” While long friendships are a blessing, some times they need to end. In some cases you might need to make a business decision about a personal relationship. That’s what I did. I asked myself, “what is the value added?” In that friendship, not only did I no longer know what the value added was, keeping the friendship started feeling like a burden. Of course there are ups and down in every relationship. However, when there are only downs, it might be time to move on. Don’t be afraid to move on. 
  1. Be your best advocate. The fact is: human nature is selfish. Remember “Flawless.” Remember, “We teach girls to shrink themselves.” Then, don’t shrink yourself. Find your voice. Use your voice to advocate for yourself. Advocate for yourself at work. Get the assignment you want. Get the position you want. Be deliberate. Advocate for yourself personally. This is something I’m still working on. I had to learn how to filter out the external voices in order to hear my own in some situations. I had to learn how to advocate for the treatment I want. I learned that no one is going to advocate for me, like me.

Are you at, near or over 30? What have you learned? What did you wish you would’ve learned sooner? Comment below and let me know! 

Love & Holy Sh**

From Youtube

 Hey Lovers, 

I was unable to watch Love & Hip Hop with you last night because I was the Barclays Center trying to get Chris Paul’s attention at the Nets game. Sadly, I didn’t get Chris Paul’s attention but the Nets did win the game in the last 2 minutes. Obviously it’s because I was there. Let me stop playing. I knew you would want to hear my thoughts on Love & Hip Hop posthaste so I did watch after I got home. Let’s discuss.  Continue reading

Love & Hip Hop ATLiens

Picture from VH1

Picture from VH1

Hey Lovers, 

Monday night my social life impacted my social media life so I was unable to watch Love & Hip Hop live with you. Then my router died; it’s all too much, I know. 

Let me begin by letting you know that this episode really drained me. Honestly, if it was not for all my beautiful readers I am not sure that I would’ve been able to endure the entire episode.

I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but I really need Shay the hoodrat bandit to go. Every week her attitude and weave get worse and I’m not here for it.

I am sure we still agree that Baby Bop and the Redbone need to go too. I don’t understand how Baby Bop claims to be over Redbone when about 5 episodes ago we saw her try to fight some random girl and later gave him 25 racks for his wannabe Jimmy Jazz dream. I don’t understand why Redbone was wearing Lil Wayne’s outfit with George Jefferson’s jacket. I don’t understand why Baby Bop’s boyfriend was wearing a hooded vest. I don’t understand what club would hire both of them for the same night. The only thing I understand is why that club was so empty. 

 

As far as Scrappy going to jail, is anyone surprised? I am glad Ms. Mona showed the scene with his daughter. Maybe some of the dudes who are watching VH1 and not reporting to their probation officers are paying attention to how that kind of nonsense impacts children. While I am glad we saw that scene did it not break your heart when Emani said something about her friend who went to see his father in jail? As much as I am tempted to go on rant about Black America as a result of that scene; I won’t. By the way, am I the only one NOT surprised that Mama Dee has been to jail?

I had a comment about Mimi & Michelle’s meeting but their meeting was so boring I forgot.

Do you see it for Joseline & Stevie J in a “normal” relationship? I know a pig is pork but I don’t know what Stevie J is. I’ve said before that Joseline needs to give lessons because she went from strip club jump off to demanding a proposal. It actually amazes me. A couple weeks ago, Media Takeout “reported” that Joseline & Stevie J tied the night in Puerto Rico. If that is in fact true, I know we will all be tuned in because I’m sure the Molly the Maid shade will be at epic levels. 

I’m glad we didn’t see or hear from Ariane and Karline. Do we agree, they’re not missed?

Benzino and Kirk really  tap danced on my last good nerve with their fake country weekend. First of all, I didn’t know Bobby Valentino liked women so his appearance surprised me. Is he still in the music business? If not, he needs to call Tiarra Marie to see how she got the “unemployed friend” role on the NY cast. The sight of that pile of Walmart looking panties on the card table almost made me physically sick. Am I the only one who got the sense that Mary Jane was on Molly? She had to be on something if she wanted to menage with Kirk’s tired ass. I had to pause my DVR to figure out who was wearing a furry snapback in Georgia. I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was Bambi but I was. Bambi lost what little shimmer she did have by putting her lips on Benzino. That whole house was an orgy of mediocrity and poor ideas.

This episode makes me look forward to the season finale because I really do not know how much more I can endure.

Did you watch? What did you think? Comment below and let me know!

    

  

 

 

Love You Long Time

Over the last few years it has come to my attention that grown people still expect others to tread lightly around their issues. Let’s discuss. 

Have you ever learned that an innocent comment made in jest shook someone’s core? This, I do not understand. Who knows you better than you? Chances are whatever’s being said is something you’ve heard already. If that’s the case, tell us why you’re mad. Well, don’t tell me. I’m not good at feelings. I digress. 

For example, if you’re a woman whose wardrobe consists entirely of men’s clothing, you’re a cross dresser. No shade, just facts. If someone says you cross dress, why are you mad at them? If you don’t want to be called a cross dresser, I have a simple solution; don’t cross dress. It’s kind of like not wanting to get a degree in engineering because you don’t want to be called an engineer. 

I know everyone goes through that “awkward phase” at some point in their life. However, I’m pretty sure you should be settled on your insecurities by the time you’re old enough to legally drink. In middle school I was teased about my lips. I was called “Big Lip,” “Bubble Lip,” and told I needed “lip-o-suction.” It didn’t take an it’s gets better campaign to know my worth didn’t come from those people who were undoubtedly battling their own insecurities. I’m not mad at those people. As a matter of fact I should probably be asking for residuals on the lip plumper I know they’re buying. 

I know adult problems require a little more than the “sticks and stones” approach but at this point either embrace your idiosyncrasies or change them. Chances are that no one outside of your Circle of Trust cares particularly one way or the other. Remember the words of Katt Williams “it’s called self-esteem.” 

Am I wrong about any of this? If so, let me know! 

Love this randomness, follow me on Twitter @RantRaveRandom

The Khloe K. Problem

Last year we discussed the Kim K. problem. The Kim K. Problem is that girl we all know who is always madly in love with their flavor of the month (think Kim K. or Royce). Click: https://triple18.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/the-kim-k-problem/ if you need to catch up on that discussion. 

After thinking about my own emotional walls, I began to wonder. Could I be susceptible to the Khloe K. “Problem?” Not being considered the ugly duckling but having emotional walls after a few bad relationships then all of a sudden falling head over ankles for someone when you didn’t expect it. 

Let’s discuss!

For those of you who aren’t aware of Khloe’s back story. . .she had been lied to and cheated on (both on & off TV). Then she met Lamar Odom fell madly in love and got married 1 month later. Now she speaks to him in baby talk and they drink from each other’s mouth. Seeing that made me think, at what point do your emotional walls stop holding some things out but rather holding a lot of things in? 

There was a time when walking around for hours doing nothing in particular and staying on the phone all night was normal. Then things went very far left. That beautifully innocent love got traded for Project Girls calling me from blocked numbers to explain that they’re tired being Girlfriend #2 and they’d like nothing more than to have my top spot. Then I began to ask myself, what is this all for? Do we all just have our hearts open Kim K. style for no good reason? Of course when you first fall for someone you never imagine he’d go Anthony Weiner and start sending d*ck pics online. How does one recover from these kinds of things?

If any of you have the answer please tell me. Is there a way to remain smart about this when love is stupid (practically) speaking? I’m afraid that since I’ve become so good at avoiding being vulnerable and thinking I’m special enough to beat statistics I could be ripe for a Khloe K. situation.  I ask because I have no problem being crazy; crazy in love is an entirely different story. 

Is it possible to go from situations that  even the greatest fiction writer couldn’t imagine to falling madly in love, ignoring logic and statistics and thinking that putting my closest friends in bad dresses from David’s Bridal is what I want for my life? This, I must know. 

While this has turned out to be more of a barrage of questions to which I have no answers than the whit and sarcasm I normally give, I ask that you just roll with me.