3 Things I learned by 30

Birthday

New Orleans French Quarter

I’ve wanted to write this post for a while. I spent the second weekend of March in New Orleans where I turned 30!

As the clock ticked towards March 14th, I remembered Sex & The City. I definitely used my 20’s to make the mistakes, so I want my 30’s to be about learning the lessons. Lord willing, I’ll be buying the young girls drinks when I’m in my 40’s. I digress.

On my flight and the days leading up to my trip I began to think about all the things I had learned up to that point. I decided that I wanted to enter this decade of my life with purpose. So, I thought about the biggest lessons I’ve learned thus far. Let’s discuss!

  1. Parents are people too. Growing up we tend to think our parents and other adults in our lives know everything. At least, that’s what I thought. I was wrong. That’s a lie, a big lie. As my 20’s progressed, I realized that the people who raised me are just people. I love them of course but they are fallible. They are human like everyone else. They have issues and insecurities. They can do things that are hurtful. They can do things that are selfish and inconsiderate. They don’t have all the answers. Hell, in some cases they might not have any answers which is okay too.
  1. Some relationships have expiration dates. Just because someone has been in your life forever, that doesn’t mean they have to be in your life forever. Two years ago I had to let go of a friendship that I thought I would have forever. When I told my family, they said “but you’ve been friends forever.” While long friendships are a blessing, some times they need to end. In some cases you might need to make a business decision about a personal relationship. That’s what I did. I asked myself, “what is the value added?” In that friendship, not only did I no longer know what the value added was, keeping the friendship started feeling like a burden. Of course there are ups and down in every relationship. However, when there are only downs, it might be time to move on. Don’t be afraid to move on. 
  1. Be your best advocate. The fact is: human nature is selfish. Remember “Flawless.” Remember, “We teach girls to shrink themselves.” Then, don’t shrink yourself. Find your voice. Use your voice to advocate for yourself. Advocate for yourself at work. Get the assignment you want. Get the position you want. Be deliberate. Advocate for yourself personally. This is something I’m still working on. I had to learn how to filter out the external voices in order to hear my own in some situations. I had to learn how to advocate for the treatment I want. I learned that no one is going to advocate for me, like me.

Are you at, near or over 30? What have you learned? What did you wish you would’ve learned sooner? Comment below and let me know! 

HoliDaze

I’m glad that you all have survived the holidays. I don’t know about you but I am kind of glad the Holiday Season is over and everyone is still in one piece. Below are just a few of my random thoughts about the holidays. As you read please keep in mind that I always wish I will be normal in my next life.

Timing
I think they group the major holidays together because a lot of people need nearly 12 full months to recover. Imagine if Christmas was really on Jesus’s birthday which some claim is in September and we left Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve in place. I don’t know about you but that’s way too spread out which means there’s a greater chance of bad things happening. When I say “bad things” I mean bad family related things which brings us to the next and most stressful topic.

Family

Few things turn normally sane and rational people into irrational borderline homicidal maniacs than the Holidays. Whether it’s the logistics of which dinner is going to be at whose house or which trifling, always empty handed, annoying, lazy, etc. [insert whichever adjective applies to your people here] relative is going to show up, the holidays can bring out the best and worst in us all. It’s really a miracle I didn’t have my very own episode of Intervention after my grandmother called me hysterically last year saying the turkey was missing. The turkey was not in fact missing but apparently the mere hint that turkey was not present and accounted for sent Grandma into a tizzy. At that moment and this moment, I am not for random tizzy throwing . With the combination of mind altering substances used to numb the pain of family gatherings and family members who don’t know when to say when, it’s no wonder violent crime increases during the holidays.

Holiday Parties (Rave!)
I love holiday parties. They’re usually great break from relatives and a good place to get the libations which I’ll surely need after a full day of my grandmother’s antics. Another reason why holiday parties are great is because they’re elective. If you don’t want to attend just tell the host you can’t get away from your family or you have another event to attend. All in all anything that just requires me to look cute and show up always wins; not to mention holiday libations are always delicious. Candy Cane cocktail with sugar around the rim? Yes, I’ll take 2.

Facebook
Facebook gets really annoying around the holidays; especially New Year’s Eve. There’s always that person (or people depending on how selective you are) who claim they’re gonna murder everything in the New Year. Let’s have an honest moment. If you haven’t killed anything in your previous years on earth the New Year probably won’t be any different. Maybe these people would be able to make things happen if they concentrated on making things happen instead of writing about it.
Random/Rave
The Facebook photos of babies in their “My first Christmas” or “Mommy’s gift” onesies are adorable 99% of the time and don’t bother me one bit.

Finally, (random) am I the only one who says brief prayers for those people who don’t families to gather with on holidays but instead want to invite you to some random thing on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day? It’s like, Girl, I love you but I’m not getting myself written out of the family will because I’m trying to play Taboo with your lonely ass while my people are having dinner; let’s save all that for the after party.

Are you in a Holidaze? Let me know!