Success at Mizzou has nothing to do with Black Friday

MIzzou

Hey Lovers,

By now I’m sure you’ve heard about the events going on at the University Of Missouri. If you haven’t heard more than sound bites, read about it here  and here.

I had heard about the football team’s boycott briefly. Since I’m not a sports fan of any kind, I usually only hear about anything sports related briefly. The story did not blow up until the football team’s efforts were successful. University President Tim Wolfe resigned.

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#ByeHot97

ABW

Hey Lovers have you heard? Yesterday Hot 97 reached a new low; even for Hot 97. If you didn’t see it, you can read about it here. Short story short, Hot 97 tweeted and later deleted the question: Do you believe Black women have an attitude problem? To add insult to injury, there was a picture of First Lady Michelle Obama. It’s shortly after midnight as I write this but I was so pissed I could not wait. Let’s discuss. 

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#ByeRachel

From Necole Bitchie

From Necole Bitchie

By now I’m sure you’ve heard about Ms. Rachel Dolezal. If you haven’t, you can read the full story here. My favorite part of this saga was the #AskRachel hashtag where Black people (including me) and Black Twitter tweeted things about Black culture like rap lyrics, hair issues and soulfood ingredients wondering if Rachel was abreast of them since she “identifies” as Black. Think pieces followed the hashtags, as we knew they would. 
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#ByeNancy

Hey Lovers, 

It seems like just last week we were saying #ByePhylicia. Wait. . .that was last week. Anyway, last week I got a text that said 2 Chainz was on Nancy Grace. I looked at my phone. Then looked again and again. I kept thinking to myself “2 Chainz on Nancy Grace, that shouldn’t be a thing.” I later found out that 2 Chainz appeared on Nancy Grace to “debate” her about the legalization of marijuana. If you haven’t heard, Denver legalized marijuana. You must be over 21, you cannot drive under the influence or smoke in public. If you haven’t seen the interview check Rolling Stone.

Whenever I hear that rappers are going to appear on “news” shows I get nervous; very nervous. I have flashbacks to Cam’ron on Bill O’Reily. The only thing funnier than Nancy Grace attempting to recite 2 Chainz lyrics was the way 2 Chainz gave Ms. Grace a college educated read.  Continue reading

RNC Wrap Up

Hey Lovers, 

This post is by request. Shout to Ms. AJ for wanting to hear my thoughts on last week’s Republican National Convention. I watched every night during “prime time.” Actually I’m not really sure if it was prime time in the world since I just watched when MSNBC began its live coverage. The DNC is this week and I’m sure we’ll have a lot to discuss there but let’s reflect on the events of Tampa Florida and the GOP. 

  • Ann Romney. Clearly Ann Romney was auditioning for the View. Her speech was irrelevant. You met your husband at a high school dance and you still love him, so what? The GOP is so out of touch they think she killed it but you and I know she’s not qualified to speak on any topic other than being a rich guy’s wife. Am I the only one who found it a bit insulting that she only discussed women in terms of our relationship to others? Every female is a daughter and a granddaughter. That’s not special. I think her speech was better suited for a 65th birthday or 40th wedding anniversary. I’ll be okay if I never here from Mrs. Brady, I mean Ann Romney again. 
  • Chris Christie. Christie and I are alums of the same law school, I hope you won’t think less of me for that. Isn’t it clear that he was bullied as a child? It may not be clear but that’s my guess. Why else would his mother tell him it was okay if people don’t love him? Mrs. Brady, I mean Ann Romney gave a speech all about love. Christie comes out 4 minutes later and says ***k love, am I the only one who found this strange? Dear GOP, I’m available. Hire me for your messaging. 
  • Gov. Kasich. I liked Ohio Gov. Kasich. He reminds me of the drunk guy in the bar who wants to high five everyone for reasons only known to him. I liked his enthusiasm but that still doesn’t want to make me go to Ohio. 

Can someone please tell me where Condi & Nikki Haley shop? I’m only asking because I may need to pre-order my next Easter suit. I feel badly for Condi, she doesn’t have any real friends. They let her go on stage with lipstick on her teeth. If we had no way to fact check her speech, it would have been really good.

Also, did y’all catch how Condi got to start “Minority Hour?” After Condi Rice and the Governor of New Mexico all that was missing was Margaret Chow (gay Asian) to make sure every demographic was covered.   

For all of you who didn’t understand what I meant when I said we must watch our grandparents, Youtube Clint Eastwood’s performance. I’m going to need Reince Prebus to do better. You can’t expect to get young voters on your side by bringing out someone who people under 30 only know for saying “get off my lawn.”  While we’re on the subject of grandparents, were you afraid like I was when McCain spoke? I lost count but I’m pretty sure he advocated for like 3 new wars. Either he has Alzheimer’s or. . .no that’s actually the only way his speech would make sense. 

Sir Mittens was cute too, in a “I’d believe this if I didn’t know better way.” The only line that was really lost on me was the one about climate change. I thought he was trying to make a Jesus joke. I guess I’m not the voter he was trying convince with that line since I’m from a world where science, creative writing and religion are different college departments. By college I mean, NOT Liberty University.

Overall I think last week’s winner is President Obama. I imagined him texting Jay-Z as that Clint Eastwood segment was going on saying something like “Can you and Yeezy remix ‘n199as in Paris’ for the DNC?”

Am I being too hard on the GOP? Let me know!  

Ignorance Defense

Today I was on the train and I saw something amazing. Well. . .amazing in my opinion. Do you remember back when the bright young minds of Brooklyn Tech showed the fools of Westboro Baptist Church how it really goes down in Brooklyn? If you need to refresh your memory, read the Brooklyn Tech story here: http://fort-greene.thelocal.nytimes.com/2009/09/24/students-turn-out-and-westboro-leaves/

I thought of that story today. I was on the train and a woman stood in the middle of the car wearing a sandwich board, yes, a sandwich board that said gay marriage is one of the reasons why Jesus is coming. Another passenger asked her why she chose to deliver the word in such a way. The passenger went to on to say that she too does street ministry and she shares what Jesus has done for her. She wanted to know who told the woman in the sandwich board to wear a sandwich board with such an offensive message . I was happy I had a front row seat to what was sure to be an epic debate. Instead of answering the passenger with some scripture or logic, the sandwich board wearer literally turned her back and left. She left just like Westboro Baptist after the Brooklyn Tech students gave them a taste of their own medicine.

As I said “amen” to the passenger upon my exit, I began to wonder how come people don’t defend their ignorant positions? If you believe something so strongly you’re wearing a sandwich board, shouldn’t you be able to answer a question about the sandwich board? I would imagine that when a conviction compels you to wear a sandwich board, hold a sign, pay for a billboard or anything else, you wouldn’t mind answering questions.

Today I was proven wrong. While I don’t like to be wrong, I loved witnessing a supposed zealot fold faster than Superman on Laundry Day.

Other People’s Money

Santorum's sweater vest

As if thinking sweater vests were still okay wasn’t bad enough, Rick Santorum recently received 10,000 side eyes for his comment on Fox News about not wanting to make Black peoples’ lives better by giving them someone else’s money. If you didn’t see the footage, watch it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/03/rick-santorum-entitlements-black-people_n_1181212.html. After seeing this, I began to think. Is Santorum against giving away other people’s money in all cases? Let’s explore.

Gifts 

Did you get a nice crisp bill or check from Grandma for Christmas? If you’re one of my Black readers you may want to return it. According to Ricky Sandstorm; I mean Santorum, having other people’s money isn’t the way to feel good about yourself. Tell Grandma you still love her but you want to be self-reliant and taking gifts from her doesn’t fit with that.

Inheritance

If you don’t think taking other people’s money after they die makes people feel good Google “Paris Hilton.” Since inheritance is one of the main ways wealthy people become and remain wealthy I’m guessing Anti-Santa, I mean Santorum, is okay with it. But, if we go on his same logic about making people feel good with other people’s money, Santorum should be fighting for a 100% inheritance tax. After all we wouldn’t someone who inherited money becoming famous because the only thing of note they’ve ever done is call Lindsay Lohan a “fire crotch.” Wait, that already happened? Never mind. If you don’t remember Google “Brandon Davis.”

Life Insurance

Life insurance is other people’s money. A lot of other people. Like welfare the money came from people the beneficiary doesn’t even know. Lost a spouse, parent or anyone else who would name you beneficiary? Get ready to work through  grief at work because I’m guessing Santorum wouldn’t want you having the comfort of feeling good about yourself because “someone else” paid money during their lives intended to benefit you once they died.

Brown, White, Yellow & Red

Santorum said didn’t want Blacks feeling good about themselves because of welfare. Well, what about all the Asians, Native Americans, Latinos, and, hold your breath, Whites getting welfare too? Are they special because they’re not Black or are they just Welfare Princesses and the example has to be made of only the Welfare Queens?

As if you couldn’t tell by now none of this makes any logical sense. I’d Rick to first think about the loyalty of whoever told him sweater vests are still acceptable in 2012. Then he can move on to the really hard things; like talking without sounding like an old school bigot. If we learned nothing else from Herman Brought the Pain Cain and Clarence Thomas we learned that in this day an age, racism has to be high tech. Or maybe Santorum got his racism from the same era when sweater vests were in style. Either way, I’ve had more than enough of him and his ancient ideas.

Wrong is the new Right?

The perpetual entertainment that we get from the Republican debates makes me wish the election season wasn’t so close. Here are just a few of my thoughts on the Special Olympics contestants.

Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney
I was in college in Boston while he was the governor so I don’t have to ask from where did they get him. We have a fetish for making former governors President. It was all fun until we got that one from Texas; I digress. Mitt is a trip to say the least. Doesn’t it look like he’s an actor playing the role of someone running for Office? Everyday he says the opposite of what he said yesterday if he thinks it’ll help him get higher than 20% in the polls. Mitt’s like that girl in high school who’s with you today but against you tomorrow when she thinks she’s made 2 new friends and the reality is that no one really cares for her that much. I shouldn’t be so hard on Willard. After all, he did stop hiring “illegals.”

Crazy Uncle Ron Paul
Ron Paul, where do we begin? Ron Paul is that reclusive neighbor or relative you only see a few times a year because you’re still recovering from the last time you had family dinner. I love watching him on TV; a tiny man in an oversized crooked suit who wants to legalize everything and let people die all while telling you this with a straight face. I think Ron Paul needs a reality show, imagine what crazy things he says daily.

Rick Perry/Bush 2.0
Rick is the reason why no one messes with Texas. He seems to have taken that whole “live free” thing from New Hampshire too far. Every time he visits he gives a speech it makes me wonder why his staffers let him get on camera before he comes down from his high. Am I suggesting he’s using illegal drugs? No, I think he likes libations; a lot. His speeches show that he’s totally unqualified to be President but probably really fun at parties. Honestly I’d say that even if I didn’t believe it, I’m not trying to get dropped at Niggerhead. I had a couple other things I wanted to say about him but I can’t remember my other gripes. . .oops!

Michelle Blockhead, I mean Bachman
I like the Tea Party Princess because she’s a walking contradiction. Do you know anyone else who is against big government but is a former government employee, doesn’t like Medicaid but owns a business that gets paid through Medicaid, thinks ending slavery was great but forgot the Founders owned slaves? She’s another one who scares me. I don’t know if it’s her “crazy eyes” or the fact she said aloud vaccinations cause mental retardation. I just want to ask what causes her perpetual brain farts. Anytime you confuse John Wayne, the coolest guy to ever live with a serial killer, I have no use for you.

Cry Baby Santorum

Everyone knows you have to have a sense of humor to be President. Santorum called SNL and Dan Savage bullies after they made gay jokes about him. Personally, I think we all need to give a tip of the gay flag to Savage for figuring out how to get spreadingsantorum.com to the top of the search results every time. Other than Ricky being weird about gays and way too sensitive he’s pretty forgettable. Let’s move on.

Jon Worked for Obama which is why he’ll never win with the Retarded Right Huntsman

I like Huntsman too bad he committed right suicide by saying science is real and we can’t ignore it. Everyone knows that in order to win with the extreme right wing, you better say you got a degree from Hogwarts. I kid, we know they didn’t read Harry Potter (or anything else).

Newt serial marrying Gingrich

He’s another one who should do stand up comedy. Anyone who says that someone playing an undoctored tape of them is lying has to be joking. I also find it funny that the person who was pressing the homie Bill Clinton for getting brain then lying about it is married to his third wife. His third wife who was his mistress when he was married to his second wife. In a 3 degrees of Newt separation kinda thing, Newt cheated on his first wife with his second wife. Newt needs to listen to some hip hop music because he stays ‘cuffing his hoes. Actually, Newt could hang with the rappers, he has a gang of hoes, he made millions talking ish and he bought half a millie worth of jewelry from Tiffany’s. If that doesn’t say rapper, I don’t know what does.

Herman Came to Bring the Pain Cain

I’ll be happy when the primaries are over. I need Herman Cain to go away, far away. As if the Olive Oil commercials, ATL Housewives and BET didn’t make Black folks look bad enough Cain comes out reciting lines from Pokemon and the Simpsons. I just really want Cain to stop shuckin’ and jivin’ for these people. When you recite lines from a cartoon it’s no wonder why Ann Coulter thinks it’s okay to make the statement about you being one of “their Blacks.” Actually, with that kind of coonery, they can have you. I’m happy the Cain Train has been derailed and discontinued just like that ice cream flavor he likened himself to. Cain should also consider hanging with rappers because I’m sure they’d tell him that not switching up your hoes periodically is definition of slippin’.

Overall I’ve enjoyed this nomination madness because it’s given me something to watch on the couple days a week when ATL Housewives, the Braxtons and Love & Hip Hop aren’t on.

Who’s your favorite righty? Let me know!

Occupy All Streets?

20111114-093051.jpg

Over the weekend I learned Rocawear is now selling “Occupy All Streets” shirts for $22 and there’s been no talk of any proceeds going to the Occupy Movement. Some people find this offensive and are saying less than flattering things about my Brooklyn Brethren, Jay-Z. I do not share those sentiments because I’m jaded to say the least. Let’s start with fact Jay-Z sold Rocawear in 2007 for over $200 million (fact courtesy of VH1’s Pop Up Video). If you were unaware, that 1 deal alone would make him part of the 1%. Add the money he made for those sneakers, 40/40, and all of  his #1 albums, then you can see why he remixed Weezy’s song talking about a “Billie a billionaire.” I digress. I spoke of Rocawear’s sale to say since Jay-Z is no longer an owner and isn’t really designer, he may not even know about these shirts.

You’re probably thinking “of course he knows,” and with that I would probably agree. Think of this like the time Beyonce did songs with Lady Gaga. Some people claimed Mrs. Carter didn’t need to collaborate with Gaga. The truth is, just like Bey did a video with lesbian undertones (I mean really, if that honey bun scene wasn’t gay, I don’t know what is) to stay relevant, it isn’t surprising that Jay-Z or arm of something of which he’s affiliated did the same thing to stay relevant with the most popular protest that did start in the street; arguably just like Jay-Z did.

I’m like you, and I like to think Jay-Z in addition to being from the ‘hood is for the ‘hood. In ’08 after paying $200 to see him at the Garden, Hov told me to vote for Obama and I did. I was going to vote for Obama anyway because I didn’t think McCain had the right life expectancy to have his finger on the button that we hear so much about. Jay-Z has given out toys in the projects on Christmas day. In addition to doing a concert to benefit The Firefighters, Hov also gave money to help victims of Hurricane Katrina.

No one can deny Jay-Z has done good things with his money and influence. Well, Newark might disagree since in true BK fashion, Jay-Z took the Nets. Again, I digress. My point is that while we like to think that Jay-Z is still for the 99% he’s part of the 1%. When someone has enough money to call themselves the Black Warren Buffet we shouldn’t put anything past them. After all, what we call money he pays more in taxes.

UPDATE

After writing the above post, I came across this image and knew I had to share. As the picture shows, Jay-Z is VERY familiar with the “all streets” version of the Occupy shirts. Does this change anything for me? No. As I told you originally, Jay-Z is part of the 1% and staying relevant is his bread and butter so I’m not surprised. The rich will always do things to get richer. Further, I think hijacking a movement for your own purposes takes nerve and anyone who knows me, knows I’m always impressed with people who exhibit that kind of self aggrandizement.