Hey Lovers have you heard? Yesterday Hot 97 reached a new low; even for Hot 97. If you didn’t see it, you can read about it here. Short story short, Hot 97 tweeted and later deleted the question: Do you believe Black women have an attitude problem? To add insult to injury, there was a picture of First Lady Michelle Obama. It’s shortly after midnight as I write this but I was so pissed I could not wait. Let’s discuss. 

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Dear Ray-J

Ray-J Kim K

Dearest Ray-J,

I can’t say I’m a fan but then again, who can? From your most recent stunt it’s clear you need someone with sense to speak to you and I’m happy to do it!

The title of your upcoming single “I hit it first” with a pixelated picture of Kim Kardashian really baffles me. Why do you feel the need to diss a pregnant woman?

Have you heard of Kenya Moore? Google her and read about the “Kenya Moore Problem” here https://rantraverandom.com/2013/02/21/diane-dixons-kenya-moore-problem/The fact you feel the need to make a song about your pregnant ex-girlfriend literally 10 years after the fact let’s me know you’re not having great ideas this year. 

Let’s review a few things in case you don’t get my post. The video was made in 2003 and released in 2007. You’ve done several reality shows since that time. Kim K has done at least 99 seasons of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and its various spin offs as well as Dancing With the Stars. You were rumored to have messed with a singing show contestant as well as the late great Whitney Houston. Kim has dated Reggie Bush, her bodyguard and Miles Austin. Her second marriage started & ended and we know her status with Kanye West. Do you see where I’m going? You’ve both done plenty of living since your split.

I also have an issue  with the actual title “I hit it first” sounds like something a rapper would say when he’s talking about how easily he smutted Erica Mena after buying her 3 glasses of Moscato. You and Kim K were in a relationship and as the video shows, in edition to hitting it first you also beat it raw and ate it first too. Don’t act tough now; we have receipts .  

To end this I’m just going to give you a couple recommendations. You can thank me later. 

  1. Find a church home. You’ll do better if you walk with the Lord.
  2. Try to host parties. On your reality show you claimed you made $1 million a year from hosting parties. Your recent actions show that you’re probably best suited for jobs that don’t require too many words to leave your mouth.
  3. Find a hook or feature. I’m sure there’s a rapper or singer somewhere who would let you sing a hook for him or her. I was watching Love & Hip Hop and both Olivia and L’oreal are available.
  4. Talk to your sisterBrandy fell off for a while but now she’s back with another album as well as roles on TV and in movies. Find out how she did what she did. 
  5. Get a journal. Every disrespectfully salacious thought you have isn’t for your Garageband App, write it down; you’ll feel better. 

If you have any questions feel free to DM me @RantRaveRandom. 


By now you’ve probably heard about Kanye West’s new song “Theraflu” first brought to us by the Big Dog Pitbull (I don’t know if he still uses that line but just roll with me) Funkmaster Flex. The song is with DJ Khaled and produced by the same genius who brought us N*99a$ in Paris. If you haven’t heard it click: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=iv&src_vid=s6rUSuGKXns&annotation_id=annotation_198187&v=xy4DRxN1j1M to listen. The addicting beat is not what brings me to write about this. The mass amount of shade is. 

As someone who is an avid reality TV junkie and hip hop fan I think I can provide some analysis to people who are only one or the other. Let’s discuss! 

I really think this song should have been called “Nyquil” because I needed a deep sleep after Kanye spit the following:

And the whole industry wanna fuck yo’ old chick
Only nigga I got respect for is Wiz
And I’ll admit, I fell in love with Kim
‘Round the same time she had fell in love wit’ him
Well, that’s cool, baby girl, do ya thing
Lucky I ain’t have Jay drop ‘im from the team
La familia, Roc Nation

For those of you who aren’t rap, sports or reality fans allow me to catch you up. Kanye is admitting he fell in love (read: had sexual relations) with E! Reality Star Kim Kardashian while she was falling for Kris Humphries. Kanye then goes on to say Kris is lucky he didn’t have his BFF and my Brooklyn Brother Jay-Z drop him from the Nets. While you may know Jay-Z is part owner of the Nets, before Kim Kardashian, you may not have not known that Kris Humphries plays for the Nets. The “old chick” Kanye mentioned at the beginning is Philly native, former stripper Amber Rose who is now madly in love with Used Q-tip Wiz Khalifa but there were whispers of a brief tryst with none other than Kim’s ex Reggie Bush. 

I have a few theories about all of this. Now that Amber has “verified” Kim was sexting Kanye while they were an item, I’m thinking the whole Reggie & Amber thing might have been a bit of that sweet nectar known as revenge. Well played Ms. Rose; well played. 

After watching so many episodes of the Kardashians on E! I’ll admit, I was very confused after hearing “Theraflu.” From the show it’s clear that Kim will let her pap smear be filmed if she (and her mother) think it will keep her relevant. We also know Kim has an affinity for “dark meat” from her long romance with Reggie Bush. Let us not forget she got “on” by making a sex tape with Brandy’s brother. I thought to myself, why would she marry an unknown, funny looking, racially ambiguous, basketball player from Minnesota if she could’ve had Kanye “Been Crazy” West? I don’t know about you but I’d much rather double date with Jay-Z & Beyonce than Kris Humphries dumpy looking sister. 

My theory is, Kim knows Kanye probably wouldn’t be willing or able to participate in a wedding special and the never ending Kardashian spin offs. I also have the sneaking suspicion her thirst ego wouldn’t allow her to be less famous than her significant other. After all, while Kanye West is crazy like a fox, he’s famous for doing something and Kim calls club appearances “work.”  

Out of this whole thing, I think Amber Rose may be the winner. She tried to turn her 15 minutes of fame into 15 and a half with those songs she made and she’s clearly happy in her current relationship with the anorexic pothead Wiz Khalifa. Good for you Amber, keep living the stripper American Dream.

I think Kanye needs to switch up his meds. On the “Deuces” remix he told us Jay-Z finally convinced him not to run his mouth so when anyone asks who, he doesn’t know who they’re talking about. But last night, he talked about several people who no one else was talking about. We know Kanye has the power to pluck women from obscurity and make them known to all of us after he takes them to Fashion Week, dumps them then raps about them but gets upset when people ask him about it interviews. Let’s just keep him away from Magic City, King of Diamonds and Sue’s Rendezvous (those are strip clubs for those of you who are unaware). This bitter ex role is not what I want from him. While it is entertaining, I feel like he’s one melt down away from going “Chris Brown.” I want the “George Bush doesn’t like Black people” Kanye back. 

The Kim K. Problem

Kim K. with number ___ love of her life

Last Sunday, you know I watched E! It was the season premiere of the K Team. There was a scene where Kim and Khloe got into an argument because Kim has now found the love of her life, the White basketball player who might be mute but Khloe had pictures of the 2 previous loves of Kim’s life (Reggie Bush & Miles Austin). It got me thinking, I know reality TV is usually only good for the opposite of thinking. Do any of your friends (most likely female) have the Kim K problem? I know a few of mine do. This problem has been around probably as long as humanity itself. I don’t know about you but being friends with someone who has the Kim K (every boyfriend is the love of my life) Problem is exhausting and amazing at the same time.
You might be wondering why I’m calling love a problem. It’s not actual love that’s the problem. It’s people like Kim K who think every touch of infatuation means someone is the love of their life. Watch a Kardashian marathon and you’ll see what I mean. How genuine is your love if 9 out of 10 people you’ve dated have been referred to by you as “the love of your life?” That’s almost as bad as calling every child gifted. So let’s add that to the list of untrue things that make no sense.
Earlier I said my friends with the Kim K Problem both exhaust and amaze me. They exhaust me because every time I hear from them the conversation is usually something along the lines of “Now I’m with X and I love him so much.” That statement is usually followed by a few unrelated, probably untrue medley of facts about why they make the perfect couple and will certainly live happily ever after. This where the exhaustion hits. I’ve had to train myself to be able to zone out, while keeping a straight face but absorbing enough of the fairy tale so I don’t have to be reminded of it the next time we speak. I can only wonder why these people don’t love me enough to spare me.
I’m no longer amazed enough to give these stories my full attention but the pieces that do make it into my head amaze me. How optimistic, insane, short sighted, etc. must a person be in order to be crazy in love with every person they date? By crazy in love I mean, FB picture posting, BBM icon changing, telling friends over & over. I’m amazed by these things. Are these people serious? Are they crazy? Are they trying to prove something? Maybe they’re taunting me on purpose because they know I’d choose to be tattooed by a blind 1 handed child over being retarded in love.
I have a possible cure to the Kim K Problem. If you or a friend tends to think every person is “the one” treat the situation like any other situation. Are every pair of shoes you buy the best pair ever? Is ever job you have your best job ever? Is each new friend you make better than all the friends you already have? The answer to these questions is surely no. So I say, let’s refrain from being overly effusive about these relationships that have a snowball’s chance in Hell. After all, if every person is the love of your life with whom you wanna have little love addicted babies, are they really that special? Also, do your friends (and me) a solid and spare them from all your love. I promise you, they’ll love you more for it.