Jigga Who?

Photo from Studio43.com

Photo from Studio43.com

Hello Lovers,

Have you listened to Constitution Ten Commandments, Dead Sea Scrolls 95 Theses, Magna Carta Holy Grail? Did you see Jay-Z on Bill Maher? Did you see the “film” that followed on HBO? Let’s discuss!

When I heard the title “Magna Carta Holy Grail” I came up with a theory. The theory is, Jay-Z needs to leave us alone, musically. After listening to Emancipation Proclamation I Have A Dream, I mean Magna Carta Holy Grail, multiple times, I think my theory is correct. Jay-Z is in the Michael Jordan Wizards stage of his rap career. Magna Carta Holy Grail actually drained me. As I listened to “Tom Ford” I thought “maybe if you popped molly this song would be more interesting.”

Am I the only one who found it a little creepy when he said “twerk Miley” at the end of “Somewhere in America?” Miley is about 20-21 and Jay-Z is 43 aka old enough to be her daddy. Further, Miley is already running around saying she wants a “Black sound,” lines like that just encourage her and I’m not here for it.

I’m also tired of the Jay-Z Beyonce collaborations. I know there are some members of the Beyhive who will read this. . .just hear me out before you attempt to snatch my wig. Jay-Z and Beyonce songs used to be amazing, “Upgrade U” and “’03 Bonnie & Clyde” were great songs. Part II or whatever it’s called is a yawn. What many bandwagon rap Beyhive fans tend to forget is that “’03 Bonnie & Clyde” was a remake of a Tupac song. A remake is good. A remake of a remake; not so much. I guess Beyonce whispering “bad bitch” was something we don’t get her from very often but I could live without it. I could also live without him referring to her as his “baby mama” even if she is harder than a lot these ^199a$.

I decided for sure that Jay-Z was out of material when he referred to Foxy Brown in “Picasso Baby.” Foxy Brown is on Instagram trying to sell virgin hair; the same business as Cam’ron’s fiancee. Nas accused Jay-Z of messing with Foxy Brown on Ether.  Who waits so long to address a rumor? It’s become clear that when it comes to Jay-Z’s music the problem isn’t his flow, the problem is his dough.


When I heard Jay-Z performed the same song for 6 hours, le sigh was my reaction. When I heard that a band, The National, had already done that I was baffled. Jay-Z used to start things. Now, he’s doing things other artists have already done. When I saw that it would be a film on HBO I got curious. I had so many questions. Is it hard physically to perform for so long? Did he take water breaks? Did he have to put special soles in his construction Wheat Timbs? Was he lip syncing? I could continue.

After I watched the “film” and Bill Maher none of my questions were answered; not 1. First of all, I think it is a stretch to call 15 minutes a “film.” Wasn’t the B.I.G. full length “hypnotize” video about the same length and it was just a music video? What I don’t understand is how Jay-Z gave us 15 minutes about something that probably should have been 30 minutes or an hour but Beyonce gave us 90 minutes on something that could’ve been done in 15 minutes.

On Bill Maher, Jay-Z spoke about rap and art’s common underground history. I was actually looking forward to his “film” being artsy and intellectual. I thought there would interviews with Marina Abramovic, David Blaine or Lady Gaga about performances. Instead we got a highlight reel of celebrities and some less well known artists with no mention that he was actually there doing the same song for 6 hours. I saw very little art and very little intellect. I actually would’ve been more satisfied with a rerun of Jay-Z’s first HBO event back when Freeway was on his label. That concert had special guests like Missy and performances of songs that were actually good.

After seeing the “film” I just want to resurrect the old Jay-Z.  The “I want a chick who practice Tai Chi but still can buy weed” Jay-Z. The “we don’t believe you, you need more people” Jay-Z. The “if your man got you baggin’ up it could be worse, just put a little in the baggie, a little in the purse” Jay-Z. The “I’m not a businessman I’m a business…man” Jay-Z. The “I am a hustler baby, I can sell water to a whale” Jay-Z. I’d even settle for the “You got Baby money, keep it real with niggas, niggas ain’t got my lady money” Jay-Z.

After Magna Carter Holy Grail and “Picasso Baby” I think Jay-Z should focus on raising Blue Ivy, sending young women fancy cars, and sports management.

Did you see Picasso Baby? Did you listen to Magna Carta Holy Grail? What did you think? Is Jay-Z the rap Gaga or rap Grandpa?

Comment below and let me know!

RNC Wrap Up

Hey Lovers, 

This post is by request. Shout to Ms. AJ for wanting to hear my thoughts on last week’s Republican National Convention. I watched every night during “prime time.” Actually I’m not really sure if it was prime time in the world since I just watched when MSNBC began its live coverage. The DNC is this week and I’m sure we’ll have a lot to discuss there but let’s reflect on the events of Tampa Florida and the GOP. 

  • Ann Romney. Clearly Ann Romney was auditioning for the View. Her speech was irrelevant. You met your husband at a high school dance and you still love him, so what? The GOP is so out of touch they think she killed it but you and I know she’s not qualified to speak on any topic other than being a rich guy’s wife. Am I the only one who found it a bit insulting that she only discussed women in terms of our relationship to others? Every female is a daughter and a granddaughter. That’s not special. I think her speech was better suited for a 65th birthday or 40th wedding anniversary. I’ll be okay if I never here from Mrs. Brady, I mean Ann Romney again. 
  • Chris Christie. Christie and I are alums of the same law school, I hope you won’t think less of me for that. Isn’t it clear that he was bullied as a child? It may not be clear but that’s my guess. Why else would his mother tell him it was okay if people don’t love him? Mrs. Brady, I mean Ann Romney gave a speech all about love. Christie comes out 4 minutes later and says ***k love, am I the only one who found this strange? Dear GOP, I’m available. Hire me for your messaging. 
  • Gov. Kasich. I liked Ohio Gov. Kasich. He reminds me of the drunk guy in the bar who wants to high five everyone for reasons only known to him. I liked his enthusiasm but that still doesn’t want to make me go to Ohio. 

Can someone please tell me where Condi & Nikki Haley shop? I’m only asking because I may need to pre-order my next Easter suit. I feel badly for Condi, she doesn’t have any real friends. They let her go on stage with lipstick on her teeth. If we had no way to fact check her speech, it would have been really good.

Also, did y’all catch how Condi got to start “Minority Hour?” After Condi Rice and the Governor of New Mexico all that was missing was Margaret Chow (gay Asian) to make sure every demographic was covered.   

For all of you who didn’t understand what I meant when I said we must watch our grandparents, Youtube Clint Eastwood’s performance. I’m going to need Reince Prebus to do better. You can’t expect to get young voters on your side by bringing out someone who people under 30 only know for saying “get off my lawn.”  While we’re on the subject of grandparents, were you afraid like I was when McCain spoke? I lost count but I’m pretty sure he advocated for like 3 new wars. Either he has Alzheimer’s or. . .no that’s actually the only way his speech would make sense. 

Sir Mittens was cute too, in a “I’d believe this if I didn’t know better way.” The only line that was really lost on me was the one about climate change. I thought he was trying to make a Jesus joke. I guess I’m not the voter he was trying convince with that line since I’m from a world where science, creative writing and religion are different college departments. By college I mean, NOT Liberty University.

Overall I think last week’s winner is President Obama. I imagined him texting Jay-Z as that Clint Eastwood segment was going on saying something like “Can you and Yeezy remix ‘n199as in Paris’ for the DNC?”

Am I being too hard on the GOP? Let me know!  


By now you’ve probably heard about Kanye West’s new song “Theraflu” first brought to us by the Big Dog Pitbull (I don’t know if he still uses that line but just roll with me) Funkmaster Flex. The song is with DJ Khaled and produced by the same genius who brought us N*99a$ in Paris. If you haven’t heard it click: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=iv&src_vid=s6rUSuGKXns&annotation_id=annotation_198187&v=xy4DRxN1j1M to listen. The addicting beat is not what brings me to write about this. The mass amount of shade is. 

As someone who is an avid reality TV junkie and hip hop fan I think I can provide some analysis to people who are only one or the other. Let’s discuss! 

I really think this song should have been called “Nyquil” because I needed a deep sleep after Kanye spit the following:

And the whole industry wanna fuck yo’ old chick
Only nigga I got respect for is Wiz
And I’ll admit, I fell in love with Kim
‘Round the same time she had fell in love wit’ him
Well, that’s cool, baby girl, do ya thing
Lucky I ain’t have Jay drop ‘im from the team
La familia, Roc Nation

For those of you who aren’t rap, sports or reality fans allow me to catch you up. Kanye is admitting he fell in love (read: had sexual relations) with E! Reality Star Kim Kardashian while she was falling for Kris Humphries. Kanye then goes on to say Kris is lucky he didn’t have his BFF and my Brooklyn Brother Jay-Z drop him from the Nets. While you may know Jay-Z is part owner of the Nets, before Kim Kardashian, you may not have not known that Kris Humphries plays for the Nets. The “old chick” Kanye mentioned at the beginning is Philly native, former stripper Amber Rose who is now madly in love with Used Q-tip Wiz Khalifa but there were whispers of a brief tryst with none other than Kim’s ex Reggie Bush. 

I have a few theories about all of this. Now that Amber has “verified” Kim was sexting Kanye while they were an item, I’m thinking the whole Reggie & Amber thing might have been a bit of that sweet nectar known as revenge. Well played Ms. Rose; well played. 

After watching so many episodes of the Kardashians on E! I’ll admit, I was very confused after hearing “Theraflu.” From the show it’s clear that Kim will let her pap smear be filmed if she (and her mother) think it will keep her relevant. We also know Kim has an affinity for “dark meat” from her long romance with Reggie Bush. Let us not forget she got “on” by making a sex tape with Brandy’s brother. I thought to myself, why would she marry an unknown, funny looking, racially ambiguous, basketball player from Minnesota if she could’ve had Kanye “Been Crazy” West? I don’t know about you but I’d much rather double date with Jay-Z & Beyonce than Kris Humphries dumpy looking sister. 

My theory is, Kim knows Kanye probably wouldn’t be willing or able to participate in a wedding special and the never ending Kardashian spin offs. I also have the sneaking suspicion her thirst ego wouldn’t allow her to be less famous than her significant other. After all, while Kanye West is crazy like a fox, he’s famous for doing something and Kim calls club appearances “work.”  

Out of this whole thing, I think Amber Rose may be the winner. She tried to turn her 15 minutes of fame into 15 and a half with those songs she made and she’s clearly happy in her current relationship with the anorexic pothead Wiz Khalifa. Good for you Amber, keep living the stripper American Dream.

I think Kanye needs to switch up his meds. On the “Deuces” remix he told us Jay-Z finally convinced him not to run his mouth so when anyone asks who, he doesn’t know who they’re talking about. But last night, he talked about several people who no one else was talking about. We know Kanye has the power to pluck women from obscurity and make them known to all of us after he takes them to Fashion Week, dumps them then raps about them but gets upset when people ask him about it interviews. Let’s just keep him away from Magic City, King of Diamonds and Sue’s Rendezvous (those are strip clubs for those of you who are unaware). This bitter ex role is not what I want from him. While it is entertaining, I feel like he’s one melt down away from going “Chris Brown.” I want the “George Bush doesn’t like Black people” Kanye back. 

I Watched the Throne

The brief point when Yeezy took off the skants or dants I'm not sure what to call them

Monday night I saw Jay-Z and Kanye West at the Garden. Below is a little recap with some of my random thoughts that you love. . .

Celeb sightings:

  • Russell Simmons
  • Diddy
  • Fabolous

D List sightings:

  • Cheetah Girl Adrienne, used to date Rob Kardashian Bailon
  • Emily, baby mother to Fab, ‘star’ of Love & Hip Hop, B.
  • AJ used to host 106 & Park Calloway
  • Beyonce’s sister, Solange (with her son & boyfriend in tow)
  • Cassie used to be a model, tries to sing and is now Diddy’s toy

The ticket said showtime was 7:30, please arrive 1 hour early. There was no opening act and no DJ to warm up the crowd. As you can imagine by 9PM when there was NOTHING going on except for applause when Diddy walked through with a big ass entourage, I was ready to hurt someone.
One thing I loved about seeing Jay-Z in the past was all the guest appearances usually whoever is in town like Swizz Beatz or Diddy. Last night there were no guest appearances. None, not one. The only person I didn’t want to see is Beyonce because I’m uninterested in her unless she planned to do single ladies in her leotard while showing the baby bump.

Both Jay and ‘Ye wore their customized shirts. Jay-Z wore his all black everything. If they are not in Illuminati, they’re definitely trying to make us think that they are. One of the shirts had the Goat of Mendes on it which is said to be an Illuminati symbol.

Leggings. . . Kanye saw Lil Wayne’s jeggings and raised him a leather wrap skirt or perhaps dress. Please tell a friend to tell a friend that this does NOT need to become a trend. When ‘Ye changed into a regular pair of pants then later put the leather legging wrap skirt concoction back on with some kinda Mayan Azetec 2012 looking jacket, shirt combo I almost died. Cross dressing cannot become a new trend. I still have not recovered from the LV coin purses that are now being rocked by men. I’m blaming that on Chris Brown. I digress. . .

We must unite against this!

Song Selection
I was pleased that they did all the Watch the Throne songs including my favorite “niggas in Paris” which they did like 3 and a half times. They each did some of their most popular songs. They both took it way back. . like College Drop Out, Reasonable Doubt way back which was amazing. You can tell who the real fans were. Everyone know 99 problems but who can tell who is who by who if you can finish the line from “I’m from the other side where other guys don’t walk too much. . .” or “I wear a G on my chest I don’t need. . . ”

While Kim Porter has Diddy’s kids it appears, Cassie gets the good concert tickets. She was two steps behind him with her horse looking ponytailed Mohawk invention.
Solange is a Carol’s Daughter spokesperson. You’d think she would’ve used some Hair Milk on that nappy natural hair of her’s. Her son needs a haircut too. If she’s going to live in Brooklyn she needs to do as Brooklynites do. She should get his haircut and get those waves spinning, crazy hair on little Black kids is only ok in Gap commercials.
While Emily says in the Love & Hip Hop preview that she’s done with Fab, last night she was so close to him you would’ve thought she was his security. Oh I forgot, she’s his stylist. Interestingly enough, on Love & Hip Hop she claimed Cheetah girl and Chipped Tooth smashed. Yet, last night she was standing right behind Fab while he yucked it up with the Kardashian ex.

The Crowd
It appears that Jay and ‘Ye have priced out the Black and Brown masses. Good seats were $250. Prime seats were $300. There were so many guidos, guidettes, dude bros, and old folks in there I thought I was trapped in a retirement community staffed by Jersey Shore rejects. If you need an app to find the names of each song, you’re probably at the wrong concert ::I’m just sayin’::

My favorite: HGM (Hot Ghetto Mess)
Why is it that every time I attend a rap concert, I can’t leave without a contact high? I don’t know about y’all but at $250 a pop, I want to be perfectly sober so I don’t miss a thing.
Third Place HGM award: Girl with a tired weave who got drunk, spilled her drink, asked for another drink for free to replace the spilled drink then got upset when they refused. Anyway, drunk girl was wearing an Herve Lerger bandage wanna be dress with mesh cut outs. Midway through the show she stumbled out from her seat with her. . .wait for it . . .NIPPLE showing through one of the mesh cut outs. At first I thought my eyes were lying. They weren’t. The HGM was confirmed by other witnesses.

Second Place: Seat Sneakers

If you paid for the cheap seats, stay in your cheap seats. I didn’t pay my hard earned money for you and your synthetic Janet Jackson in Poetic Justice looking braids to block my view.

First Place: The Groupies
We know music and sporting events bring out the groupies in large numbers. However, if you’re trying to get chose by a real baller you should probably invest in better seats. I can promise you that no one anywhere near note worthy is seating in the 300 section at the Garden. If you paid under $100 for your ticket, just wear something sensible and comfortable. You’re going to need it for the endless escalators to get to your cheap seats.

A group of groupies were on their way out as I was leaving. Next thing you know, we see aforementioned groupies in their faux fur, half naked and turned over shoes jumping, yes jumping a guy in the middle of 7th avenue as the light was turning green. Of course they got swarmed by cops after trying to run them. Why can’t people leave the ‘hood in the ‘hood for just one night? I know why! They’re niggas in midtown. . .
Overall I had a great time however I don’t know if I’ll be buying anymore Jay-Z tickets in the near future. The new seats and wider rows at the Garden are great but no opener and waiting for 2 hours is more than I would like to endure on a Monday night.