Hey Lovers, 

This post is by request. Shout to Ms. AJ for wanting to hear my thoughts on last week’s Republican National Convention. I watched every night during “prime time.” Actually I’m not really sure if it was prime time in the world since I just watched when MSNBC began its live coverage. The DNC is this week and I’m sure we’ll have a lot to discuss there but let’s reflect on the events of Tampa Florida and the GOP. 

• Ann Romney. Clearly Ann Romney was auditioning for the View. Her speech was irrelevant. You met your husband at a high school dance and you still love him, so what? The GOP is so out of touch they think she killed it but you and I know she’s not qualified to speak on any topic other than being a rich guy’s wife. Am I the only one who found it a bit insulting that she only discussed women in terms of our relationship to others? Every female is a daughter and a granddaughter. That’s not special. I think her speech was better suited for a 65th birthday or 40th wedding anniversary. I’ll be okay if I never here from Mrs. Brady, I mean Ann Romney again. 
• Chris Christie. Christie and I are alums of the same law school, I hope you won’t think less of me for that. Isn’t it clear that he was bullied as a child? It may not be clear but that’s my guess. Why else would his mother tell him it was okay if people don’t love him? Mrs. Brady, I mean Ann Romney gave a speech all about love. Christie comes out 4 minutes later and says ***k love, am I the only one who found this strange? Dear GOP, I’m available. Hire me for your messaging. 
• Gov. Kasich. I liked Ohio Gov. Kasich. He reminds me of the drunk guy in the bar who wants to high five everyone for reasons only known to him. I liked his enthusiasm but that still doesn’t want to make me go to Ohio. 

Can someone please tell me where Condi & Nikki Haley shop? I’m only asking because I may need to pre-order my next Easter suit. I feel badly for Condi, she doesn’t have any real friends. They let her go on stage with lipstick on her teeth. If we had no way to fact check her speech, it would have been really good.

Also, did y’all catch how Condi got to start “Minority Hour?” After Condi Rice and the Governor of New Mexico all that was missing was Margaret Chow (gay Asian) to make sure every demographic was covered.   

For all of you who didn’t understand what I meant when I said we must watch our grandparents, Youtube Clint Eastwood’s performance. I’m going to need Reince Prebus to do better. You can’t expect to get young voters on your side by bringing out someone who people under 30 only know for saying “get off my lawn.”  While we’re on the subject of grandparents, were you afraid like I was when McCain spoke? I lost count but I’m pretty sure he advocated for like 3 new wars. Either he has Alzheimer’s or. . .no that’s actually the only way his speech would make sense. 

Sir Mittens was cute too, in a “I’d believe this if I didn’t know better way.” The only line that was really lost on me was the one about climate change. I thought he was trying to make a Jesus joke. I guess I’m not the voter he was trying convince with that line since I’m from a world where science, creative writing and religion are different college departments. By college I mean, NOT Liberty University.

Overall I think last week’s winner is President Obama. I imagined him texting Jay-Z as that Clint Eastwood segment was going on saying something like “Can you and Yeezy remix ‘n199as in Paris’ for the DNC?”

Am I being too hard on the GOP? Let me know!