Rasheeda, call me

Rasheeda's Twitter selfie

Rasheeda’s Twitter selfie

Hey Lovers, 

Since today is a holiday let me start by saying Happy Independence Day! Since I’m off today like you probably are, I told myself I was not going to blog. That was true until I was going through my inbox and found Rasheeda’s video. The video was posted on Worldstar Hip Hop of course. I posted the video below for you to see. Normally this is the point where I say we should discuss it. After you watch it, you’ll see there’s not much to discuss. I just ask all of you to DM Rasheeda my number because she clearly is lacking in the ideas arena and I have plenty.

When we first saw the video shoot on Love & Hip Hop I thought the main problem was going to be the fact that a middle age woman pregnant woman was going to be rapping about a sexual position. After watching the video it’s apparent that the pregnancy is not the problem; Rasheeda’s vocabulary is. I really do not know what kind of GED lyrics those were but I could not deal. I’m actually sure that this video was the first time I’ve heard a Rasheeda song and Lord willing it will be my last.

After seeing this video I think Rasheeda needs to stick to that ratchet clothing line and get into the weave and makeup business because there is no way those raps will ever anywhere other than Worldstar.

What do you think of Rasheeda’s “rhymes?” Comment below and let me know!   

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Love & Hip Hop ATLiens

Picture from VH1

Picture from VH1

Hey Lovers, 

Monday night my social life impacted my social media life so I was unable to watch Love & Hip Hop live with you. Then my router died; it’s all too much, I know. 

Let me begin by letting you know that this episode really drained me. Honestly, if it was not for all my beautiful readers I am not sure that I would’ve been able to endure the entire episode.

I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but I really need Shay the hoodrat bandit to go. Every week her attitude and weave get worse and I’m not here for it.

I am sure we still agree that Baby Bop and the Redbone need to go too. I don’t understand how Baby Bop claims to be over Redbone when about 5 episodes ago we saw her try to fight some random girl and later gave him 25 racks for his wannabe Jimmy Jazz dream. I don’t understand why Redbone was wearing Lil Wayne’s outfit with George Jefferson’s jacket. I don’t understand why Baby Bop’s boyfriend was wearing a hooded vest. I don’t understand what club would hire both of them for the same night. The only thing I understand is why that club was so empty. 

 

As far as Scrappy going to jail, is anyone surprised? I am glad Ms. Mona showed the scene with his daughter. Maybe some of the dudes who are watching VH1 and not reporting to their probation officers are paying attention to how that kind of nonsense impacts children. While I am glad we saw that scene did it not break your heart when Emani said something about her friend who went to see his father in jail? As much as I am tempted to go on rant about Black America as a result of that scene; I won’t. By the way, am I the only one NOT surprised that Mama Dee has been to jail?

I had a comment about Mimi & Michelle’s meeting but their meeting was so boring I forgot.

Do you see it for Joseline & Stevie J in a “normal” relationship? I know a pig is pork but I don’t know what Stevie J is. I’ve said before that Joseline needs to give lessons because she went from strip club jump off to demanding a proposal. It actually amazes me. A couple weeks ago, Media Takeout “reported” that Joseline & Stevie J tied the night in Puerto Rico. If that is in fact true, I know we will all be tuned in because I’m sure the Molly the Maid shade will be at epic levels. 

I’m glad we didn’t see or hear from Ariane and Karline. Do we agree, they’re not missed?

Benzino and Kirk really  tap danced on my last good nerve with their fake country weekend. First of all, I didn’t know Bobby Valentino liked women so his appearance surprised me. Is he still in the music business? If not, he needs to call Tiarra Marie to see how she got the “unemployed friend” role on the NY cast. The sight of that pile of Walmart looking panties on the card table almost made me physically sick. Am I the only one who got the sense that Mary Jane was on Molly? She had to be on something if she wanted to menage with Kirk’s tired ass. I had to pause my DVR to figure out who was wearing a furry snapback in Georgia. I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was Bambi but I was. Bambi lost what little shimmer she did have by putting her lips on Benzino. That whole house was an orgy of mediocrity and poor ideas.

This episode makes me look forward to the season finale because I really do not know how much more I can endure.

Did you watch? What did you think? Comment below and let me know!

    

  

 

 

Love & Ho Hop Atlanta

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta

Hey Lovers, 

I know it’s been awhile but my job has me working like they don’t know indentured servitude is over. Let’s discuss tonight’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta.

  • Stevie & Joseline: According to Media Takeout the couple married last week. I guess nothing says forever like your man accusing you of being a former prostitute. Am I the only one who thinks Stevie J cross dresses in secret? All of his outfits look like costumes. Sidenote, aren’t Joseline’s weaves winning this season? 
  • Mimi: You MADE a mistake with this tired ass clothing line. Are we really surprised that Nikko didn’t really put her in his roommate’s video? I’m not interested in learning anything else about Mimi; other than who does her makeup. Mimi should ask Joseline about how to demand her respect.  
  • Rasheeda & Ms. Kirk: Rasheeda’s weave was laid in her glitter top interview package. Maybe she should start a hair company because music doesn’t seem to be for her. Can you name a Rasheeda song? I certainly cannot. As for Ms. Kirk meeting with Rasheeda’s mama what’s the point? Trifling is just trifling. Did y’all peep Ms. Shirline? She looked like she was ready to buss Kirk’s head with that broom stick. 
  • Benzino: Besides the fact that his head and shoulders seem to be mismatched Benzino doesn’t seem to be so terrible.  I’m actually starting to like Bobble Head.
  • K. Michelle: What was that toast? Safe sex, pay checks & learning to give great BJ’s. . .Shouldn’t you have all 3 of those under control by now? I can’t even discuss that climb over the gate comment but I’ve never heard such trash. 
  • Karlie Redd should’ve kept that weave for herself. And anyway, what kinda weave can you do with 1 bundle? Bye Karlie Redd and the red latex dress.  

Did you miss Scrappy & Shay or Baby Bop & the Red Bone? I didn’t either. I don’t know what was worse. Nikko’s rapping or his video. I hope he has a day job. Maybe he doesn’t and that’s why he needs a roommate when he’s clearly near 40. By the way, how is Stevie J giving Mimi a BMW when he’s still on the bus?

Did you watch tonight? What did you think? Comment below and let me know! 

Love & Hot Mess Atlanta

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta

 

Hey Lovers, 

Let’s discuss tonight’s Love & Hip Hop episode. 

  • Scrappy & Erica. Did Scrappy spend his last dollar on Erica’s ring? I ask because it’s clear he doesn’t have a Vaseline budget. Erica could’ve struck a match on his lips. Can you also tell me why he’s wearing a leather vest in his interview? That outfit is 1 step away from a “Yep, I’m gay” People Magazine cover.
  • Stevie J, Mimi & Joseline. Last season Joseline was my least favorite. This season she’s my most favorite. Mimi should take swag lessons from Joseline. Joseline wins all the time and stays on her grind. She won last week’s Molly the Maid confrontation. She won this week when she told Stevie J she was no longer interested in his D but she would appreciate him getting back to business. As for Mimi and that aging face, let’s just put her on the prayer list. It’s clear she has problems that cannot be solved by anyone of this earth. As for Stevie, I kinda feel like he’s 1 line of cocaine away from turning into Ike Turner.       
  • Traci & Drew. I want these two off the show. They’re bringing nothing. Chris Brown doesn’t bring anything anymore, what could we expect from his DJ? Traci just wants to marry her baby daddy & she’s about to buy a pretend sneaker store in order to do that. Waiting until 6 years after your kid is born to try to get the family in order is late and backwards.  This relationship is exactly what’s wrong with America and I’m over it. 
  • Shay & Mama Dee. Either Mama Dee is a lesbian or she’s using Shay as a proxy for herself. There’s something unnatural about Mama Dee’s interest in Shay. I know Ms. Mona pays well. Why was Mama Dee wearing a buy 1 get 1 synthetic wig? Also, I really need to know why she’s still rolling in her Pimp Mobile. At first glance I thought that was Stevie J’s raggedy ass bus. As for Shay, I’m wondering if she’s serious with these hairstyles. I guess VH1 alternate doesn’t pay that well.  

I can’t wait for next week’s episode. I’ve been wanting Erica to buss Mama Dee in the face for awhile. I know, that’s her daughter’s grandmother and all but Mama Dee is always coming out with some washed up pimp sh*t. We’ve heard that she’s a former pimp, but I want someone to push her wig back; literally. 

Did you see tonight’s episode? What did you think? Comment below and let me know.

Spotted!

Hey Lovers!

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I know it’s been awhile since we’ve spoken. Over the weekend a friend contacted me with a cute story just in time for me to give you all some Christmas Tea. Apparently being the Baby Mama to Juelz Santana doesn’t preclude Kimbella from shopping like the rest of us. Saturday, Kimbella was spotted at the Gap Outlet in the Bergen Mall.

So, the fact Kimbella shops at the Gap Outlet is funny enough but she had the NERVE to ask if she could skip the line. She said “I’m Kimbella from Love & Hip Hop can I skip the line?” Maybe the staff has never seen the show, maybe they have seen the show and aren’t fans or maybe they don’t have any f****s left to give as a result of the holidays. No matter what the their reasoning was, the staff at the Gap Outlet made Kimbella wait like every other customer. Guess ***king the right D doesn’t get you to the front of the Gap line.

Happy Holidays!  

Definitions Optional

Over the last few days, I’ve began to notice an alarming trend. People have been totally disregarding the meaning of words and phrases which have meanings; unambiguous meanings. This, we must discuss.

Did you all catch last night on Love & Hip Hop when Karline said she “put Benzino on?” Did they change the meaning of “put on” while I was studying for the bar exam? Put on means to upgrade or make someone relevant. Last I checked Karline and those tired bottom teeth, haven’t put on anyone. Well…I’m sure there are some tired, washed up, hoes who saw Karline and now believe they too can have the chance to smash someone who used to own something that was popular but we’re not discussing people who were in the “slow class.”

Also, last night on Love & Hip Hop, Stevie’s newest thirst-bucket claimed she was “official.” Excuse me hood version of Kat Von D, if you were official you would be in the studio making music and not having some kind of tattoo trade off with Sleezo.

Over the weekend I told a friend she got caught slippin’. She denied that claim. However, she was doing something that resulted in an unflattering picture being taken. According to urban dictionary the definition of slippin’ is: not paying attention, or allowing someone to catch you off guard. I think doing something unflattering in a room full of people with camera phones is the definition of slippin. I could be wrong.

Republican Congressman Todd Akin said a woman can’t get pregnant as a result of “legitimate rape.” Excuse me Mr. Akin, please show me a case of illegitimate rape. I thought all rape by definition was legitimate but in Mr. Akin’s world, there are unacceptable versions of rape. I guess having taken biology is not a requirement to becoming a member of the Congressional Science Committee.

People have called current VP nominee Paul Ryan “young.” He’s 42 years old. I thought 40’s were considered middle aged but as a member of a party who nominated someone over 60 to be President, I guess Ryan is “young.” Under the GOP definition I must be a teenager.  

Thinking of these instances I began to wonder, is the dictionary or social definition of a word/phrase now optional? Can we all say whatever we want without regard for its undisputed meaning? While it might be confusing, I think this may be a good thing. I’m going to try it right now. . .

I’m tall. Forget the fact I’m only 5’4

I’m skinny. Never mind the fact the last dress I wore is a size 12.

I am not allergic to peanuts, I just have life threatening anaphylaxis whenever I eat anything containing peanuts.

That felt kind of good, I must admit but I really do hope this trend does not take off. No one could ever have a conversation. Imagine your friend saying “please lend me $500.” Now, it’s now tax refund time and you want to be repaid. Your friend tells you when they said “lend” they did not mean it on the basis that “lend/loan” means they must repay you. That would be a nightmare. The crime rate would skyrocket and the calls to The People’s Court and Judge Judy would increase tenfold.

I think we should stick to the established and accepted definitions in efforts to avoid side eyes at best and bullets at worst.

Love & Heart Attack Atlanta

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Okay Lovers it’s been awhile so let me say “how you doin’?” in my best Wendy Williams voice. As you may or may not know studying for the bar exam really ruins everything. It’s not like that beer commercial. Anyway, I digress. I’m writing now in hopes that this post will help lower my blood pressure which is through the roof thanks to that ghetto display we just witnessed on VH1. Let’s discuss 

  • Mimi & Stevie J. Mimi claims she has been with Stevie for 15 years but he was with Eve 12 years ago but hey I guess everything is all good when you’re in the music industry. Mimi is clearly an older read “mature” woman. I’m no mind reader but I’m pretty sure that if your man can’t get it right after 15 years, he doesn’t intend to get it right. 15 years is longer than most marriages, Mimi listen to your friend Ariane & do better. Stevie J, must be on the down slide. Did y’all see how the studio is in a gas station? 
  • Joseline. Joseline is the Somaya of this show except she makes me miss the real Somaya. Whoever is in charge of production should’ve gotten Joseline those accent reduction lessons that Julissa took on Empire Girls because I didn’t know that poor soul was saying. Side point: Why does she never wear pants but loves furs? She had on those Princess Jasmine sheer things when they met LA Reid’s son & in the club she claimed that pink bathmat was from Neiman’s. Maybe Stevie J should send her back to the strip club because life among regular people clearly isn’t for her. Between the Natalie Nunn chin, Rihanna wig and Katt Stacks accent in her mouth I was done with her from minute 1. 
  • Karline. Aren’t you a bit old to be trying to rap? Secondly how are you Trini giving us Jamaican rhymes? You know what? Mi dun know. . . 
  • Mama Dee. I really thought they wouldn’t be  able to top the crackish antics of Mama Jones but Lord, I was wrong. I knew Mama Dee was trouble when she said someone tried to f*** with “no grease.” Not lube; grease. That must be a country thing shawty. I think Mama Dee should be careful since I’m guessing she’s still on probation from the pimpin’ and dope dealing. Unlike Nicki Minaj, Mama Dee really beez in the trap.  
  • Erica. Erica appears to be Emily B Lite. I don’t understand how she says Diamond was an “affair.” Diamond was at their daughter’s birthday party. I thought it was only an affair when you’re married. But I guess she’s using Evelyn Lozada’s dictionary. I’m not knocking Diamond’s hustle, according to Mama Dee she got a new booty out the deal and upgraded to Soulja Boy. You know, someone with a couple hit singles. Maybe Erica should get Scrappy to buy her an ass so she can snag a man who actually wants to be with her. Her chances of becoming Mrs. Scrappy Merlot Jones don’t look too high. 
  • K. Michelle. I don’t know who this person is. Well, I don’t know who 99% of these people are. But what I do know is that her alleged attacker is none other than the step father of Baby Carter. . .Memphitz. What I do know is K. Michelle needs a lawyer, a therapist, and an accountant because if you can get your ass whooped and lose $2million you need new people. Side note: Where do I submit my resume for Memphitz’s old job? I want someone to leave me unattended with $2million. 
  • Rasheeda. I don’t know how I know Rasheeda other than the “bedrock” remix but she’ll be joining the cast soon. I want to know how you still rap when you’re a grandmother. My grandmother introduces herself as “Grandma” and bakes pies. Rasheeda remixed a song and told us she gets wetter than a lake. Don’t know what I mean? Check: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43dTGyi-Hm8 Lord only knows what her story line is. 

This show is too much for my blood pressure. Next week I’ll be half watching because my heart can’t take all the staged ghetto antics. VH1 has really outdone itself. Would you ever think a show would make us miss the Basketball Wives (east & west Coast) & the original Love & Hip Hop?

Did I miss anything? Let me know. You can always follow the randomness on Twitter @RantRaveRandom!