3 Things I learned by 30

Birthday

New Orleans French Quarter

I’ve wanted to write this post for a while. I spent the second weekend of March in New Orleans where I turned 30!

As the clock ticked towards March 14th, I remembered Sex & The City. I definitely used my 20’s to make the mistakes, so I want my 30’s to be about learning the lessons. Lord willing, I’ll be buying the young girls drinks when I’m in my 40’s. I digress.

On my flight and the days leading up to my trip I began to think about all the things I had learned up to that point. I decided that I wanted to enter this decade of my life with purpose. So, I thought about the biggest lessons I’ve learned thus far. Let’s discuss!

  1. Parents are people too. Growing up we tend to think our parents and other adults in our lives know everything. At least, that’s what I thought. I was wrong. That’s a lie, a big lie. As my 20’s progressed, I realized that the people who raised me are just people. I love them of course but they are fallible. They are human like everyone else. They have issues and insecurities. They can do things that are hurtful. They can do things that are selfish and inconsiderate. They don’t have all the answers. Hell, in some cases they might not have any answers which is okay too.
  1. Some relationships have expiration dates. Just because someone has been in your life forever, that doesn’t mean they have to be in your life forever. Two years ago I had to let go of a friendship that I thought I would have forever. When I told my family, they said “but you’ve been friends forever.” While long friendships are a blessing, some times they need to end. In some cases you might need to make a business decision about a personal relationship. That’s what I did. I asked myself, “what is the value added?” In that friendship, not only did I no longer know what the value added was, keeping the friendship started feeling like a burden. Of course there are ups and down in every relationship. However, when there are only downs, it might be time to move on. Don’t be afraid to move on. 
  1. Be your best advocate. The fact is: human nature is selfish. Remember “Flawless.” Remember, “We teach girls to shrink themselves.” Then, don’t shrink yourself. Find your voice. Use your voice to advocate for yourself. Advocate for yourself at work. Get the assignment you want. Get the position you want. Be deliberate. Advocate for yourself personally. This is something I’m still working on. I had to learn how to filter out the external voices in order to hear my own in some situations. I had to learn how to advocate for the treatment I want. I learned that no one is going to advocate for me, like me.

Are you at, near or over 30? What have you learned? What did you wish you would’ve learned sooner? Comment below and let me know! 

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#ByeHot97

ABW

Hey Lovers have you heard? Yesterday Hot 97 reached a new low; even for Hot 97. If you didn’t see it, you can read about it here. Short story short, Hot 97 tweeted and later deleted the question: Do you believe Black women have an attitude problem? To add insult to injury, there was a picture of First Lady Michelle Obama. It’s shortly after midnight as I write this but I was so pissed I could not wait. Let’s discuss. 

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BET Awards Brain Drops

bet-awards-2015

Hey Lovers, 

I didn’t get the chance to watch the BET Awards with you live for the entire show because I wasn’t home then I fell asleep. This morning, because I love you, I caught up on the performances and red carpet fashions that I missed. I don’t have anymore pictures because I’m writing this on my lunch break (don’t tell anyone) and if you’re reading this you have the Internet too. I’m just going to give you a few of my thoughts on the performances I missed in no particular order. Think of it as a freestyle.  Continue reading

#ByeRachel

From Necole Bitchie

From Necole Bitchie

By now I’m sure you’ve heard about Ms. Rachel Dolezal. If you haven’t, you can read the full story here. My favorite part of this saga was the #AskRachel hashtag where Black people (including me) and Black Twitter tweeted things about Black culture like rap lyrics, hair issues and soulfood ingredients wondering if Rachel was abreast of them since she “identifies” as Black. Think pieces followed the hashtags, as we knew they would. 
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Work Wail

cartoon-frustrated-office-worker-8398547

Hey Lovers, 

Remember how I spent forever and a day in school and wrote this about what not to do in class? Well, let me begin by saying that I recently received a “promotion” at work and I am very thankful. It makes me feel like an adult which is right on time since I’ll be 30 soon; talk about the social extension of childhood. I’ve had the opportunity to work at some very prestigious organizations from the nation’s oldest legal services organization to the world’s largest investment banks.  Continue reading

#ByeNancy

Hey Lovers, 

It seems like just last week we were saying #ByePhylicia. Wait. . .that was last week. Anyway, last week I got a text that said 2 Chainz was on Nancy Grace. I looked at my phone. Then looked again and again. I kept thinking to myself “2 Chainz on Nancy Grace, that shouldn’t be a thing.” I later found out that 2 Chainz appeared on Nancy Grace to “debate” her about the legalization of marijuana. If you haven’t heard, Denver legalized marijuana. You must be over 21, you cannot drive under the influence or smoke in public. If you haven’t seen the interview check Rolling Stone.

Whenever I hear that rappers are going to appear on “news” shows I get nervous; very nervous. I have flashbacks to Cam’ron on Bill O’Reily. The only thing funnier than Nancy Grace attempting to recite 2 Chainz lyrics was the way 2 Chainz gave Ms. Grace a college educated read.  Continue reading