Work Wail

cartoon-frustrated-office-worker-8398547

Hey Lovers, 

Remember how I spent forever and a day in school and wrote this about what not to do in class? Well, let me begin by saying that I recently received a “promotion” at work and I am very thankful. It makes me feel like an adult which is right on time since I’ll be 30 soon; talk about the social extension of childhood. I’ve had the opportunity to work at some very prestigious organizations from the nation’s oldest legal services organization to the world’s largest investment banks. 

During my time at all these various organizations I’ve seen a lot. I’ve recently realized that there are some common issues that follow me from office to office and industry to industry. I’ve come up with just a few do’s and don’ts that I think would help things run more smoothly. Let’s discuss.

  • Do offer snacks. I’m so bad at sharing people think I’m an only child. Offering snacks is a small gesture that goes a long way. It makes you look like a team player even if you’re not. Fake it till you make it, right? 
  • Do let people have their breakfast or coffee. Unless it’s an emergency don’t interrupt someone’s breakfast or morning latte. There’s literally nothing worse than a cold latte and having me repeat the same thing I told you via email yesterday is going to kill my vibe. 
  • Do not underestimate your perceived competition. I’ve yet to read The Art of War but what I do know is, an attempt to expose someone else may expose you. A colleague attempted to shade me to our boss but what she didn’t realize was, her attempt exposed how little she knew about the subject matter. It took everything in me not to say “bloop” in my Nene Leakes voice when I saw her.  
  • Do not eat smelly food. I’m sure curry cabbage sardines are delicious but I’d like to be able to work without gagging because you microwaved it for 10 continuous minutes then left it on your desk in what can only be an attempt to punish everyone around you. 
  • Do hold the elevator door when it makes sense. Don’t be that person. Everybody hates that person.
  • Don’t violate the restroom. Save gross and inconsiderate habits for your home and those who care about you personally. I don’t want to see your floss particulates stuck to the mirror. I just want to touch up my lip gloss.
  • Don’t say things just for the sake of it. I hate Mondays or days after a long weekend. I have to endure all the “how was your weekend/holiday?” chatter. If I’m looking at you, your weekend couldn’t have been that out of control.  
  • Do not throw things in my garbage. Everyone has a garbage can. Why must you throw your sticky soda can in my garbage? Are we in a Cold War that only you know about? Keep your garbage to yourself. 
  • Do dress appropriately. Afterwork events are huge in NYC and sometimes you do have to add a blazer or cardigan to make your freakum dress office friendly but let that be the exception and not the rule. I know somebody who frequently wears a quilted leather mini skirt and I can’t tell if she’s campaigning for office THOT or if she’s just remedial. 
  • Don’t invite yourself to lunch. We have to tolerate each other for at least 8 hours a day anyway. Can I just get Chipotle in peace? It’s my quiet time. 
  • Do not OD on personal calls. We all have lives outside of work but I shouldn’t know that your man didn’t come home or that you’re behind on your rent.
  • Do respect email. There’s something about the formality of office email that bothers me when people abuse it. Follow the commands in the email if you’re the recipient. If you’re the sender know what your request is. I got an email that said “no action is necessary” once. The next day I got another email asking about my action. Why can’t we say “bish what?!” via company email? That would make things so much easier.    
  • Do not get the boss involved unless it’s absolutely necessary. This could be one of my biggest pet peeves but I have so many it’s hard to tell. You want to piss me off. . .CC the boss on a basic non-emergency email. Everyone should get one freebie. Meaning, just send the email. If you don’t get what you need, when you need, then get the boss involved. The fake psychological warfare of CC’ing the boss unnecessarily will never work in your favor. Personally, I think a fist fight in the ladies room is the only interpersonal thing that requires management’s attention. 

What burns your biscuit at work? Comment below at work. 

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3 thoughts on “Work Wail

  1. EVERYTHING ON THIS LIST! Had a coworker try to throw me under the bus for something petty but what she didn’t realize is a) In order to explain myself I had to expose how horrible of a worker you are and b) you’ve now set a precedent – run to the boss with any issues I have – so next time you don’t do your job I’ll have my file ready. Office chatter REALLY grinds my gears – don’t hit me with the “ugh back to work!” on a Monday. I’m already sad I have to see you – why do you have to bring me down even more? Especially when I walk into the office and people wanna have full on conversations like chill b, I just spent an entire weekend in solitude and I need to warm up to speaking to you, we can’t just jump into conversation full throttle. I think my ABSOLUTE least favorite is “Happy Friday!” I get that your day to day life is so boring you have to look forward to the weekends but EYE keep a quite entertaining Monday-Friday outside of work thank you very much. Last but CERTAINLY not least – people asking personal questions and thinking they know things about you. When I last went on a date is none of your business and no, you actually don’t know my taste in anything so why are you shocked when I say I like someone/thing? Rant done.

  2. These are GREAT!
    My latest (came up yesterday)
    – DON’T talk to me as I take off my coat, put down my laptop/handbag, sit to take off my snow boots. What ever you have to say Boo Boo Kitty can WAIT until I assemble myself. NoTHING is that urgent.
    – DON’T comment in response to anything I just said after I get off the phone (and it is not a conference call on a speaker). No matter what. Yes we sit in an open floor plan in the “spirit of collaboration and creativity” but, stay in your swim lane Boo Boo Kitty.
    – DO share where you got a source of inspiration or insight or a verbatim quote if the person is sitting at the table. Say things like “we were considering XYZ”. Stay we-centric unless it is intrinsically YOUR IDEA ONLY. I was in a meeting last week when I said “It is akin to the notion of ‘give a man he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish he will eat a lifetime'”. No I did not make that up. But I brought that correlation to the table. Next day someone said it like it was their own insight. And them proceeded to say it like it was their thought every subsequent meeting. #Really?
    – DO say hello to every cleaning person, receptionist, lobby security attendant every and all support staff. I see people treat them like they are invisible and it is disgusting to me. I have worked late and people ignore the people emptying the trash. Not me. And that is why I get the HOOK UP OF LIFE and secret passage back door escorted out the building during a snow storm like I am Beyonce leaving the Garden.

    🙂

  3. Oh I have one more
    DO come from a place of YES over NO… CAN over CAN’T. Nothing worse than a colleague who throws weed killer while you are trying to Miracle Grow an idea…

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