Hey Lovers,

I know we have a lot to watch on Monday nights as it is between BBWLA, Teen Mom 2 and which ever Housewives are on Bravo currently. If you have the energy or DVR, I’d like to bring a new show to your attention. It airs Mondays at 11PM after Teen Mom 2 on MTV. It’s called Catfish. It’s based on the 2012 movie of the same name. The show is hosted by the guy from the movie and he’s helping people meet their online “loves.”

Monday we met a 21 year old girl from Arkansas. Don’t worry, I don’t know where Arkansas is either. She had been in a “relationship” with someone named RJ who allegedly lived in LA, was a model, wrote cue cards for Chelsea Handler and was taking online anesthesiology classes. I didn’t know University of Phoenix even had a medical school but these days you never know. The girl had never seen her “love.” She never Skyped or Facetimed with the modeling, cue card writing online medical student. 

Long story short, they take the girl to meet her online “boyfriend.” Come to find out her “boyfriend” wasn’t even a boy. RJ was Chelsea an 18 year old butch lesbian virgin who smugly claimed that she used that fake Facebook account to have tons of relationships with unsuspecting girls. Apparently the aforementioned butch lesbian got bullied in high school and is using the Internet to get some kind of revenge. Honestly, I tuned out for the “it gets better” segment.

There’s something hilarious about seeing people find out that their “relationships” don’t really exist. From the preview, next Monday’s episode is going to be amazing; amazingly messy. On Monday we will meet a synthetic wig & black lip liner wearing stripper who is waiting to meet her online beau who is also a stripper. Once there’s a synthetic wig and a stripper reality TV gold is sure to follow, remember Joseline?

Have you seen Catfish? Will you be watching? Comment below and let me know.    

Teen Mess

Hey Lovers, 

I missed Teen Mom last night because I was watching Team USA slay in the Olympics. Let’s discuss last night’s happenings. 

Let me begin by saying that after watching the last 2 episodes I’m glad this show is ending. Overall it’s getting way to messy (read White trash) and the girls really are not cute. 

  • Farrah. Can we agree that Sophia is going to be on Love & Hip Hop Tampa in about 18 years as a rapper’s baby mama if Farrah continues? Farrah really needs to reevaluate. Every other episode she has a new dude but yet she cannot find time to get Sophia off of the pacifier. I hope MTV has dental because Sophia’s teeth are going to be wrecked. I know Farrah believes she’s doing a good job but she isn’t. Art appreciation? Girl, you better study those drink recipes because art appreciation isn’t going to cut it; for anyone. Especially not a single teen mom. Am I the only 1 who thinks it’s a little messy that she has this random dude babysitting Sophia? I hope Dr. Drew is  available when Sophia starts acting out because Farrah would rather run around Texas with a dude she barely knows trying to take the whole MILF thing literally.  
  • Amber. I’m not going to spend a lot of time on Amber because she’s such a sad case. Can you tell me why Amber feels the need to wear false lashes daily? I don’t get it. I need to find Amber’s Twitter so I can explain to her that those Lee Press on Nails are really not a good idea, any day of the week. Amber must stop. She lies. She told us she got skinny by boxing and working out daily. She was actually on that stuff and got big after getting off that stuff. Amber didn’t learn much in rehab because she keeps blaming everyone except herself for her problems. Leah’s grandma wasn’t home, she’s the problem? Actually Amber, you’re the problem. Figure out why you can’t have custody of your daughter but you go to your teen mom cousin for advice. Does she really have everything figured out? I mean, she chills with you a lot so she can’t possibly have good sense.
  • Maci. Maci used to be my favorite but I’m over her now. She can afford a souped up Benz but no Proactiv; that makes no sense to me. Clearly she’s on the same pipe as Farrah since Bentley is damn near old enough to start reading Huck Finn but yet he’s still sucking a pacifier. I guess Maci has never heard of tenancy by the entirety. Moving in with a guy who is not your husband or your child’s father when everything is in his name. What’s the worst that could happen? C’mon Maci, you used to be smart. While we’re on the subject, I’m over Ryan, his tacky ass girlfriend and his overly sensitive mama too. He’s been claiming he’s going to formalize custody for about 2 seasons and still hasn’t done it. His mother isn’t happy unless there’s something to make her cry. Y’all know I was done with Ryan’s girlfriend when I saw her name is Dallas spelled Dallis. 
  • Catelynn, Tyler & The Crack King. Is it weird that I want Tyler to break up with Catelynn? I’m kind of tired of their relationship. It seems like they’ve become more like brother and sister; aside from the fact that they’re step siblings. I’m also tired of Butch. He’s a crackhead; this, we know. I’ll be tuning in next week to see how his mullet goes over with the jury. 

Overall, MTV is doing the right thing by ending this show. These girls are messier than I imagined they would be. Out of the 4 of them I thought 1 would get it right. I was wrong. 

How do you feel about these girls? Let me know! 

16 & Slow

On my way home I was greeted by news of last night’s 16 & Pregnant episode. The texts and Facebook comments could not convey the full scope of messiness in Briana’s episode. News of names such as Bliss being thrown around made me rush to my DVR. 

I’ll start by saying I had a bit of visceral reaction when I saw the preview. I thought to myself “just what we need MTV, another show about a Black baby born to an ill equipped teen mom.” Then I nearly had to tell myself to have several seats when I remembered that MTV brings us “messy” in all colors and shapes from Coast to Coast.

I kind of felt for Briana’s mom having another mouth to feed but let’s be honest; something went wrong in that family. Either both of those girls were absent on “Safe Sex” Day in health class or their mother never told them that NOT getting pregnant isn’t a magic trick.

Before I get into details about Briana can we discuss her sister Brittany? I absolutely loved Brittany. The scene where she went all the way in after Briana asked for beans (again) gave me life. I also loved the death glare she gave Devon, who we’ll discuss in a minute, when he finally had a minute to visit his daughter. I have a feeling Brittany is a good friend to have if you ever need to smack a hoe. 

Am I the only one who got the feeling Briana was a bit slow? I know she graduated high school early but there was something off with her. She had a very vacant glaze which I didn’t understand. The conversation with her friend about how her baby daddy should’ve been responsible for not getting her pregnant as if there was nothing within reason she could’ve done let me know for sure that she isn’t working with a full deck. I want Briana to get her life but getting a boring haircut isn’t the way. 

Nova Star is a cute baby however, that name is literally out of this world. Nova Star Dejesus is pretty high on the ‘resume “unfriendly” name’ list. How do I know this you ask? I’m a future lawyer named Shanique. Need I say I more on this point?  

Now on to the person who had my blood boiling. . .Baby Daddy Davon. If anyone knows Davon’s Twitter please leave it in the comments because he needs to know my thoughts. Every time they showed him, I wanted to knock the naps off of his head. Davon was slower than Briana because he thought his name could magically get on Baby Nova’s birth certificate without being there to sign. Briana’s mother is better than me because I would’ve attempted to knock the ash off of him when he showed up weeks after the baby was born, empty handed, with a friend and Ray-J’s kindergarten haircut. 

Let’s wrap because thinking about Davon is elevating my blood pressure and I don’t know how much more I can take. 

Am I the only one who caught how Briana’s mom tried to shade my beloved hometown, Brooklyn? Did she think parenting is easier in Florida than in Brooklyn? I’m guessing it’s the same $h!^ different weather.

What are your thoughts on last night’s mess? Let me know!

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