Tag Archives: VH1

Love & Ho Hop Atlanta

Posted in Reality TV, VH1 by

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta

Hey Lovers, 

I know it’s been awhile but my job has me working like they don’t know indentured servitude is over. Let’s discuss tonight’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta.

  • Stevie & Joseline: According to Media Takeout the couple married last week. I guess nothing says forever like your man accusing you of being a former prostitute. Am I the only one who thinks Stevie J cross dresses in secret? All of his outfits look like costumes. Sidenote, aren’t Joseline’s weaves winning this season? 
  • Mimi: You MADE a mistake with this tired ass clothing line. Are we really surprised that Nikko didn’t really put her in his roommate’s video? I’m not interested in learning anything else about Mimi; other than who does her makeup. Mimi should ask Joseline about how to demand her respect.  
  • Rasheeda & Ms. Kirk: Rasheeda’s weave was laid in her glitter top interview package. Maybe she should start a hair company because music doesn’t seem to be for her. Can you name a Rasheeda song? I certainly cannot. As for Ms. Kirk meeting with Rasheeda’s mama what’s the point? Trifling is just trifling. Did y’all peep Ms. Shirline? She looked like she was ready to buss Kirk’s head with that broom stick. 
  • Benzino: Besides the fact that his head and shoulders seem to be mismatched Benzino doesn’t seem to be so terrible.  I’m actually starting to like Bobble Head.
  • K. Michelle: What was that toast? Safe sex, pay checks & learning to give great BJ’s. . .Shouldn’t you have all 3 of those under control by now? I can’t even discuss that climb over the gate comment but I’ve never heard such trash. 
  • Karlie Redd should’ve kept that weave for herself. And anyway, what kinda weave can you do with 1 bundle? Bye Karlie Redd and the red latex dress.  

Did you miss Scrappy & Shay or Baby Bop & the Red Bone? I didn’t either. I don’t know what was worse. Nikko’s rapping or his video. I hope he has a day job. Maybe he doesn’t and that’s why he needs a roommate when he’s clearly near 40. By the way, how is Stevie J giving Mimi a BMW when he’s still on the bus?

Did you watch tonight? What did you think? Comment below and let me know! 

Love & Hot Mess Atlanta

Posted in Reality TV, VH1 by

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta

 

Hey Lovers, 

Let’s discuss tonight’s Love & Hip Hop episode. 

  • Scrappy & Erica. Did Scrappy spend his last dollar on Erica’s ring? I ask because it’s clear he doesn’t have a Vaseline budget. Erica could’ve struck a match on his lips. Can you also tell me why he’s wearing a leather vest in his interview? That outfit is 1 step away from a “Yep, I’m gay” People Magazine cover.
  • Stevie J, Mimi & Joseline. Last season Joseline was my least favorite. This season she’s my most favorite. Mimi should take swag lessons from Joseline. Joseline wins all the time and stays on her grind. She won last week’s Molly the Maid confrontation. She won this week when she told Stevie J she was no longer interested in his D but she would appreciate him getting back to business. As for Mimi and that aging face, let’s just put her on the prayer list. It’s clear she has problems that cannot be solved by anyone of this earth. As for Stevie, I kinda feel like he’s 1 line of cocaine away from turning into Ike Turner.       
  • Traci & Drew. I want these two off the show. They’re bringing nothing. Chris Brown doesn’t bring anything anymore, what could we expect from his DJ? Traci just wants to marry her baby daddy & she’s about to buy a pretend sneaker store in order to do that. Waiting until 6 years after your kid is born to try to get the family in order is late and backwards.  This relationship is exactly what’s wrong with America and I’m over it. 
  • Shay & Mama Dee. Either Mama Dee is a lesbian or she’s using Shay as a proxy for herself. There’s something unnatural about Mama Dee’s interest in Shay. I know Ms. Mona pays well. Why was Mama Dee wearing a buy 1 get 1 synthetic wig? Also, I really need to know why she’s still rolling in her Pimp Mobile. At first glance I thought that was Stevie J’s raggedy ass bus. As for Shay, I’m wondering if she’s serious with these hairstyles. I guess VH1 alternate doesn’t pay that well.  

I can’t wait for next week’s episode. I’ve been wanting Erica to buss Mama Dee in the face for awhile. I know, that’s her daughter’s grandmother and all but Mama Dee is always coming out with some washed up pimp sh*t. We’ve heard that she’s a former pimp, but I want someone to push her wig back; literally. 

Did you see tonight’s episode? What did you think? Comment below and let me know.

Dear Ray-J

Posted in Love, Random, Reality TV, Uncategorized by

Ray-J Kim K

Dearest Ray-J,

I can’t say I’m a fan but then again, who can? From your most recent stunt it’s clear you need someone with sense to speak to you and I’m happy to do it!

The title of your upcoming single “I hit it first” with a pixelated picture of Kim Kardashian really baffles me. Why do you feel the need to diss a pregnant woman?

Have you heard of Kenya Moore? Google her and read about the “Kenya Moore Problem” here https://rantraverandom.com/2013/02/21/diane-dixons-kenya-moore-problem/. The fact you feel the need to make a song about your pregnant ex-girlfriend literally 10 years after the fact let’s me know you’re not having great ideas this year. 

Let’s review a few things in case you don’t get my post. The video was made in 2003 and released in 2007. You’ve done several reality shows since that time. Kim K has done at least 99 seasons of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and its various spin offs as well as Dancing With the Stars. You were rumored to have messed with a singing show contestant as well as the late great Whitney Houston. Kim has dated Reggie Bush, her bodyguard and Miles Austin. Her second marriage started & ended and we know her status with Kanye West. Do you see where I’m going? You’ve both done plenty of living since your split.

I also have an issue  with the actual title “I hit it first” sounds like something a rapper would say when he’s talking about how easily he smutted Erica Mena after buying her 3 glasses of Moscato. You and Kim K were in a relationship and as the video shows, in edition to hitting it first you also beat it raw and ate it first too. Don’t act tough now; we have receipts .  

To end this I’m just going to give you a couple recommendations. You can thank me later. 

  1. Find a church home. You’ll do better if you walk with the Lord.
  2. Try to host parties. On your reality show you claimed you made $1 million a year from hosting parties. Your recent actions show that you’re probably best suited for jobs that don’t require too many words to leave your mouth.
  3. Find a hook or feature. I’m sure there’s a rapper or singer somewhere who would let you sing a hook for him or her. I was watching Love & Hip Hop and both Olivia and L’oreal are available.
  4. Talk to your sister. Brandy fell off for a while but now she’s back with another album as well as roles on TV and in movies. Find out how she did what she did. 
  5. Get a journal. Every disrespectfully salacious thought you have isn’t for your Garageband App, write it down; you’ll feel better. 

If you have any questions feel free to DM me @RantRaveRandom. 

Gossip Game

Posted in Reality TV, VH1 by

The Gossip Game

 

Last night we got a new show, Gossip Game on VH1. As your Go to Girl for Reality Tea, I felt compelled to watch. The cast members are:

  • Angela Yee of Power 105’s Breakfast Club. I find Angela Yee adorable. I think this show is a better look for her than managing L’oreal. Is that a problem? 
  • K. Foxx. I want to like K. Foxx but her bad wig is distracting. I did like how she kept it cute at the table with Angela Yee & Jas Baggy Eye Fly.  
  • Kim Osorio. I love that Kim Osorio is on this show. She’s the first female editor of the Source. It’s great for young girls to a woman of color in such a powerful position. Kim’s husband however needs a time out. He manages Slaughter House yet his artist is chasing Tahiry’s cakes to other countries and not making music.  
  • Ms. Drama. Ms. Drama has the right name. She doesn’t have the right wig or the right undergarments but I guess you can’t have everything. 
  • Jas Fly. Jas really didn’t give me anything. I liked how she ambushed Angela Yee & K. Foxx but I’m going to need her to get one of the under eye roller ball things because those bags were distracting me. 
  • Sharon Carpenter of Global Grind. Everyone knows I love Black & Brown people with English accents so Sharon was already in with me. I loved the fact she’s on the cast since I’ve seen her do actual journalism for major networks. It also looks like she’s going to bring something other that “I’m something like a journalist but I’ll Erica Mena you.” I was all with her until she started with the “I’m so pretty it’s holding me back.” Sharon, this is America you can never be too pretty that’s like saying you’re too rich. 
  • Vivian Billings. Ms. Vivian was giving us NYC Hood realness. We knew that from the minute she said she has 4 kids, been with their father for 13 years but has only been married for 2. Vivian was giving us Jamaica Ave and I loved it.   

I liked the cameos from Charlamagne and Star (of Star & Bucwild). Episode 1 gave enough drama to make me tune in next week. I want to see what’s going to happen with this whole Angela v. K. Foxx thing, whether Ms. Drama will get a better wig and whether Vivian will threaten to cut a bitch.  

Did you watch? Will you continue to watch? Comment below and let me know! 

Consequence’s consequences

Posted in Reality TV by
Love & Hip Hop Season 3

Love & Hip Hop Season 3 Jen & Cons

Hello Lovers!

Let me start by saying “Happy New Year” since this is my first post of 2013. Last night on Love & Hip Hop we were introduced to Jen “used to have a pen,” and her baby’s daddy Consequence along with his very pronounced overbite. At first I didn’t want to like Consequence because his overbite and the fact he lives in Staten Island makes it hard for me to take him seriously. Then, Jen started talking. She was calling herself a housewife but she’s not married; strike 1. Later, she told Consequence that he had to increase the budget for their son’s first birthday party because her family is expecting her to ball out since she’s with a “big rapper.” That ladies and gentlemen was when I was finished with Jen and her alleged pen.

People on Twitter and Facebook were divided. Some people claimed that it was wrong for Consequence to limit the budget. Others including me thought it was totally reasonable for Consequence to tell Jen if she wanted more than what they agreed on then she should find a way to pay for it. Let’s explore this.

I know being a marginally known rapper’s baby’s mama is an emerging industry but does that mean that these women are entitled to a come up against the man’s wishes? We can all agree that every man no matter what the income should support his child. However, does that mean that if the man has a lot of cash he has to finance whatever overpriced extravagant thing the mother thinks the child should have?   I don’t think so.

Further, just because the father is of substantial means, does that mean the mother never has to contribute? After all, doesn’t it take 2? Jen sounds like the person who wanted all the extras but expected Consequence to foot the bill. How is that fair? And anyway let’s be honest, no one, I repeat no one remembers their first birthday. Fancy first birthday parties have just become a stuntfest for the parents lately.

I’m really trying to think of an argument in favor of Jen but I can’t find one that makes much sense. She wanted a party for the child. She got a party for the child but because Consequence didn’t make it rain for a 1 year old’s birthday party, he’s the bad guy?

Dear Jen, You’re not the typical client I’d help for free but it’s clear you need someone. If you don’t like the crumbs Consequence is giving you, you have an option. While you claim to know housewives who don’t have a budget, you are not a wife. You can get a child support order and then you’ll collect checks. It may not be as much as you want but it will probably be more than Consequence wants which is victory in itself. If you don’t want to take my advice you might have to do like a lot of other women who have children and work. It may appear that having a baby seems like hitting the lottery, it isn’t. That’s all. DM me @rantraverandom if you have any further questions.

Spotted!

Posted in Reality TV, VH1 by

Hey Lovers!

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I know it’s been awhile since we’ve spoken. Over the weekend a friend contacted me with a cute story just in time for me to give you all some Christmas Tea. Apparently being the Baby Mama to Juelz Santana doesn’t preclude Kimbella from shopping like the rest of us. Saturday, Kimbella was spotted at the Gap Outlet in the Bergen Mall.

So, the fact Kimbella shops at the Gap Outlet is funny enough but she had the NERVE to ask if she could skip the line. She said “I’m Kimbella from Love & Hip Hop can I skip the line?” Maybe the staff has never seen the show, maybe they have seen the show and aren’t fans or maybe they don’t have any f****s left to give as a result of the holidays. No matter what the their reasoning was, the staff at the Gap Outlet made Kimbella wait like every other customer. Guess ***king the right D doesn’t get you to the front of the Gap line.

Happy Holidays!  

Definitions Optional

Posted in Culture, Random by

Over the last few days, I’ve began to notice an alarming trend. People have been totally disregarding the meaning of words and phrases which have meanings; unambiguous meanings. This, we must discuss.

Did you all catch last night on Love & Hip Hop when Karline said she “put Benzino on?” Did they change the meaning of “put on” while I was studying for the bar exam? Put on means to upgrade or make someone relevant. Last I checked Karline and those tired bottom teeth, haven’t put on anyone. Well…I’m sure there are some tired, washed up, hoes who saw Karline and now believe they too can have the chance to smash someone who used to own something that was popular but we’re not discussing people who were in the “slow class.”

Also, last night on Love & Hip Hop, Stevie’s newest thirst-bucket claimed she was “official.” Excuse me hood version of Kat Von D, if you were official you would be in the studio making music and not having some kind of tattoo trade off with Sleezo.

Over the weekend I told a friend she got caught slippin’. She denied that claim. However, she was doing something that resulted in an unflattering picture being taken. According to urban dictionary the definition of slippin’ is: not paying attention, or allowing someone to catch you off guard. I think doing something unflattering in a room full of people with camera phones is the definition of slippin. I could be wrong.

Republican Congressman Todd Akin said a woman can’t get pregnant as a result of “legitimate rape.” Excuse me Mr. Akin, please show me a case of illegitimate rape. I thought all rape by definition was legitimate but in Mr. Akin’s world, there are unacceptable versions of rape. I guess having taken biology is not a requirement to becoming a member of the Congressional Science Committee.

People have called current VP nominee Paul Ryan “young.” He’s 42 years old. I thought 40’s were considered middle aged but as a member of a party who nominated someone over 60 to be President, I guess Ryan is “young.” Under the GOP definition I must be a teenager.  

Thinking of these instances I began to wonder, is the dictionary or social definition of a word/phrase now optional? Can we all say whatever we want without regard for its undisputed meaning? While it might be confusing, I think this may be a good thing. I’m going to try it right now. . .

I’m tall. Forget the fact I’m only 5’4

I’m skinny. Never mind the fact the last dress I wore is a size 12.

I am not allergic to peanuts, I just have life threatening anaphylaxis whenever I eat anything containing peanuts.

That felt kind of good, I must admit but I really do hope this trend does not take off. No one could ever have a conversation. Imagine your friend saying “please lend me $500.” Now, it’s now tax refund time and you want to be repaid. Your friend tells you when they said “lend” they did not mean it on the basis that “lend/loan” means they must repay you. That would be a nightmare. The crime rate would skyrocket and the calls to The People’s Court and Judge Judy would increase tenfold.

I think we should stick to the established and accepted definitions in efforts to avoid side eyes at best and bullets at worst.

Love & Heart Attack Atlanta

Posted in Reality TV, VH1 by

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Okay Lovers it’s been awhile so let me say “how you doin’?” in my best Wendy Williams voice. As you may or may not know studying for the bar exam really ruins everything. It’s not like that beer commercial. Anyway, I digress. I’m writing now in hopes that this post will help lower my blood pressure which is through the roof thanks to that ghetto display we just witnessed on VH1. Let’s discuss 

  • Mimi & Stevie J. Mimi claims she has been with Stevie for 15 years but he was with Eve 12 years ago but hey I guess everything is all good when you’re in the music industry. Mimi is clearly an older read “mature” woman. I’m no mind reader but I’m pretty sure that if your man can’t get it right after 15 years, he doesn’t intend to get it right. 15 years is longer than most marriages, Mimi listen to your friend Ariane & do better. Stevie J, must be on the down slide. Did y’all see how the studio is in a gas station? 
  • Joseline. Joseline is the Somaya of this show except she makes me miss the real Somaya. Whoever is in charge of production should’ve gotten Joseline those accent reduction lessons that Julissa took on Empire Girls because I didn’t know that poor soul was saying. Side point: Why does she never wear pants but loves furs? She had on those Princess Jasmine sheer things when they met LA Reid’s son & in the club she claimed that pink bathmat was from Neiman’s. Maybe Stevie J should send her back to the strip club because life among regular people clearly isn’t for her. Between the Natalie Nunn chin, Rihanna wig and Katt Stacks accent in her mouth I was done with her from minute 1. 
  • Karline. Aren’t you a bit old to be trying to rap? Secondly how are you Trini giving us Jamaican rhymes? You know what? Mi dun know. . . 
  • Mama Dee. I really thought they wouldn’t be  able to top the crackish antics of Mama Jones but Lord, I was wrong. I knew Mama Dee was trouble when she said someone tried to f*** with “no grease.” Not lube; grease. That must be a country thing shawty. I think Mama Dee should be careful since I’m guessing she’s still on probation from the pimpin’ and dope dealing. Unlike Nicki Minaj, Mama Dee really beez in the trap.  
  • Erica. Erica appears to be Emily B Lite. I don’t understand how she says Diamond was an “affair.” Diamond was at their daughter’s birthday party. I thought it was only an affair when you’re married. But I guess she’s using Evelyn Lozada’s dictionary. I’m not knocking Diamond’s hustle, according to Mama Dee she got a new booty out the deal and upgraded to Soulja Boy. You know, someone with a couple hit singles. Maybe Erica should get Scrappy to buy her an ass so she can snag a man who actually wants to be with her. Her chances of becoming Mrs. Scrappy Merlot Jones don’t look too high. 
  • K. Michelle. I don’t know who this person is. Well, I don’t know who 99% of these people are. But what I do know is that her alleged attacker is none other than the step father of Baby Carter. . .Memphitz. What I do know is K. Michelle needs a lawyer, a therapist, and an accountant because if you can get your ass whooped and lose $2million you need new people. Side note: Where do I submit my resume for Memphitz’s old job? I want someone to leave me unattended with $2million. 
  • Rasheeda. I don’t know how I know Rasheeda other than the “bedrock” remix but she’ll be joining the cast soon. I want to know how you still rap when you’re a grandmother. My grandmother introduces herself as “Grandma” and bakes pies. Rasheeda remixed a song and told us she gets wetter than a lake. Don’t know what I mean? Check: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43dTGyi-Hm8 Lord only knows what her story line is. 

This show is too much for my blood pressure. Next week I’ll be half watching because my heart can’t take all the staged ghetto antics. VH1 has really outdone itself. Would you ever think a show would make us miss the Basketball Wives (east & west Coast) & the original Love & Hip Hop?

Did I miss anything? Let me know. You can always follow the randomness on Twitter @RantRaveRandom!  

Bully vs. Battle

Posted in Culture, Random, Reality TV by

First let me begin by saying “how you doin’?” (Wendy Williams voice). It’s been so long since we spoke through this forum and I’ve missed you. 

Originally I was going to write about something else tonight but after seeing tonight’s Basketball Wives episode we must discuss Tami Acts Like She’s Never Left the Block Roman’s antics. 

First of all, let’s admit what’s really happening here. Tami thinks she’s “keeping it real” when she’s keeping it trashy, ghetto, ratchet, hoodrat, tacky (choose your favorite adjective). 

There’s a difference between bullying and battling. A battle is two equal forces going against each other. Think Jay-Z v. Nas, Obama v. Hillary or even Evelyn v. Tami. Bullying is well. . .everything Tami did tonight. Let’s run through it! 

  • Crouching Hoodrat. That crouched position at the table was the first problem. They’re in paradise but Tami is acting like she’s on a project bench.
  • Purse snatching. Tami claims she’s a New Yorker but we need to pull her card. In what ‘hood is purse snatching an appropriate form of intimidation? Let me know, so I avoid that gutter.
  • Law & Disorder. You would think that after being reported she would’ve straightened up; quickly. But nooo, trash-bag Tami has to keep going. I’m still confused at how Kesha was the problem when Tami turned purse snatcher. 
  • Apology. I’m still a bit confused as to what exactly Tami claims required an apology. However, I’m pretty sure that once you snatch my purse, I no longer have to apologize to you. That’s a rule. 
  • Tears & Terror. Once Tami saw that Keshia was a small pile of biracial sadness, why didn’t she just stop? It’s kinda like kicking a disabled puppy; wrong. How could anyone continue terrorizing a person who is clearly ill-equipped to defend themselves? Tami has to try another kind of therapy because whatever she’s doing isn’t working.
  • Shaunie. I don’t understand why Shaunie even pretends to give a damn about any of this mess. I saw those dollar signs in her eyes. She ain’t foolin’ me. 
  • Suzie. Suzie and her chicken wing looking limbs had me pissed off tonight. As my Facebook Friends can tell you, I think she needs to play football. That hoe stays running back. She ran to Tami to say what Keshia said but after Keshia gets assaulted she acts as if she’s so concerned. Let’s find an empty stadium for Suzie, where she can proceed to have every seat. 
  • Evelyn. When did Evelyn become so sensitive? First she’s crying of crooked wig Nia being called the bum she is. Now she’s crying with Keshia but not telling Tami to lay off before she ends up in a place where they don’t have Bud Light and weird lace fronts. I don’t get it. Feel free to explain. 

A friend told me Tami claims to have apologized to Keshia but honestly if I were Keshia I’d be apologizing to Tami’s kids after I sued the pants off their tacky mother. I’m always down for a little messiness but you have to stop somewhere. I hope Tami has a secret stash of bail money and attorney’s fees somewhere. If she keeps going she want be on VH1, she’ll be on MSNBC “Locked Up.” 

Did I miss anything? Let me know! 

Twitter @RantRaveRandom

Monday Night Mess

Posted in Reality TV, Uncategorized by
I know it’s been awhile but I’m finally back giving you my thoughts for entertainment and quieting the voices in my head. Below are some of my thoughts on tonight’s episode of Basketball Wives. 
  • Kenya: I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Kenya isn’t from this earth. Who doesn’t know that Miami is known for nightlife?  I could go on about Kenya but that crazy eye scares me. Let’s not discuss her any further until she gets a new wig. 
  • Keisha: I’m pretty sure that genealogy lesson was a long way of telling us she’s nearly inbred. Can we retire her story line about being biracial? I’ve heard this story too many times and I’m over it. Now that she’s on the cast, can she please speak with one of the other Black women about the appropriate hair products to lay down those Black edges of her’s? I also don’t feel bad about her getting bullied by the other women. Didn’t she watch the old seasons of BBW? She’s going to be this season’s Meeka if she doesn’t understand that Tami is always a few beers and a Newport away from turning shit out. 
  • Suzi: Why is Suzi still on this show? Every episode her intelligence seems to decrease while her speech impediment gets worse. Suzi is that girl in high school who is so thirsty to be in with the in crowd that she’ll slap her grandmother and I’m not for it. Suzi’s memory is really short. How is she cracking on Tami about foodstamps when last season was the first time she realized being a baller’s baby mama isn’t something you can actually print on a resume? She either needs to get into a fist fight that’s actually entertaining or leave the cast. Anything else will not hold my interest. 
  • Royce: I like Royce but I really need her to stop shopping at Young World. 
  • Jen: I thought we spoke about those 1996 looking colored contacts weeks ago. Maybe her publicist didn’t give her the message. Did y’all catch that word she tried to use. . .”metamorph?” I guess that’s from the same dictionary as “misunderstanment” 
  • Evelyn: Ev, keep your eye on the prize. I’m pretty sure Ochocinco doesn’t want it with the Cash Money Crew. He may bench you if he noticed the way your eyes were glistening looking at Baby the way I did. I really think her speech was heartfelt she just didn’t keep it 100. She really wanted to say “thank you for putting me on. I never imagined I could make being a loud mouth, groupie/bully a career.”
  • Shaunie: I don’t want Shaunie on camera. It’s not that I don’t want to hear from her but I’d prefer her behind the camera and being the Godmother like Ms. Mona from Love & Hip Hop. I can’t say that I blame her though because some people like to see their money working for them. Sidenote: who was that man with Shaunie? Was that her Sugar Baby? 
  • Tami: I love Tami. It’s mostly because I have an affinity for most things hoodrat. I was hoping she was gonna give Suzi a swift kick over that foodstamp comment but she let me down. Oh well, there’s always next week.

That altercation was too much. After giving her “you helped me come up speech” Evelyn turned out Mr. Chow’s in front of all those White folks. She has to stop. She’s on TV; not Fordham Road. Out of all this, I think I’m Team Jen. I used to be Team Ev all the way because you always need a friend who cleans up nicely but can still whoop ass just in case a hoe gets out of line but she’s taken it overboard. There’s no need to turn out everywhere you go. I’m looking forward to next week because it’s sure to be filled with more things hoodrat. 

Is there anything I forgot? Please let me know. 

P.S. Do you like this randomness? Follow on Twitter @RantRaveRandom.