Category Archives: Random

Rasheeda, call me

Posted in Music, Random, Reality TV by
Rasheeda's Twitter selfie

Rasheeda’s Twitter selfie

Hey Lovers, 

Since today is a holiday let me start by saying Happy Independence Day! Since I’m off today like you probably are, I told myself I was not going to blog. That was true until I was going through my inbox and found Rasheeda’s video. The video was posted on Worldstar Hip Hop of course. I posted the video below for you to see. Normally this is the point where I say we should discuss it. After you watch it, you’ll see there’s not much to discuss. I just ask all of you to DM Rasheeda my number because she clearly is lacking in the ideas arena and I have plenty.

When we first saw the video shoot on Love & Hip Hop I thought the main problem was going to be the fact that a middle age woman pregnant woman was going to be rapping about a sexual position. After watching the video it’s apparent that the pregnancy is not the problem; Rasheeda’s vocabulary is. I really do not know what kind of GED lyrics those were but I could not deal. I’m actually sure that this video was the first time I’ve heard a Rasheeda song and Lord willing it will be my last.

After seeing this video I think Rasheeda needs to stick to that ratchet clothing line and get into the weave and makeup business because there is no way those raps will ever anywhere other than Worldstar.

What do you think of Rasheeda’s “rhymes?” Comment below and let me know!   

Love & Hip Hop ATLiens

Posted in Random, Reality TV, Uncategorized by
Picture from VH1

Picture from VH1

Hey Lovers, 

Monday night my social life impacted my social media life so I was unable to watch Love & Hip Hop live with you. Then my router died; it’s all too much, I know. 

Let me begin by letting you know that this episode really drained me. Honestly, if it was not for all my beautiful readers I am not sure that I would’ve been able to endure the entire episode.

I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but I really need Shay the hoodrat bandit to go. Every week her attitude and weave get worse and I’m not here for it.

I am sure we still agree that Baby Bop and the Redbone need to go too. I don’t understand how Baby Bop claims to be over Redbone when about 5 episodes ago we saw her try to fight some random girl and later gave him 25 racks for his wannabe Jimmy Jazz dream. I don’t understand why Redbone was wearing Lil Wayne’s outfit with George Jefferson’s jacket. I don’t understand why Baby Bop’s boyfriend was wearing a hooded vest. I don’t understand what club would hire both of them for the same night. The only thing I understand is why that club was so empty. 

 

As far as Scrappy going to jail, is anyone surprised? I am glad Ms. Mona showed the scene with his daughter. Maybe some of the dudes who are watching VH1 and not reporting to their probation officers are paying attention to how that kind of nonsense impacts children. While I am glad we saw that scene did it not break your heart when Emani said something about her friend who went to see his father in jail? As much as I am tempted to go on rant about Black America as a result of that scene; I won’t. By the way, am I the only one NOT surprised that Mama Dee has been to jail?

I had a comment about Mimi & Michelle’s meeting but their meeting was so boring I forgot.

Do you see it for Joseline & Stevie J in a “normal” relationship? I know a pig is pork but I don’t know what Stevie J is. I’ve said before that Joseline needs to give lessons because she went from strip club jump off to demanding a proposal. It actually amazes me. A couple weeks ago, Media Takeout “reported” that Joseline & Stevie J tied the night in Puerto Rico. If that is in fact true, I know we will all be tuned in because I’m sure the Molly the Maid shade will be at epic levels. 

I’m glad we didn’t see or hear from Ariane and Karline. Do we agree, they’re not missed?

Benzino and Kirk really  tap danced on my last good nerve with their fake country weekend. First of all, I didn’t know Bobby Valentino liked women so his appearance surprised me. Is he still in the music business? If not, he needs to call Tiarra Marie to see how she got the “unemployed friend” role on the NY cast. The sight of that pile of Walmart looking panties on the card table almost made me physically sick. Am I the only one who got the sense that Mary Jane was on Molly? She had to be on something if she wanted to menage with Kirk’s tired ass. I had to pause my DVR to figure out who was wearing a furry snapback in Georgia. I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was Bambi but I was. Bambi lost what little shimmer she did have by putting her lips on Benzino. That whole house was an orgy of mediocrity and poor ideas.

This episode makes me look forward to the season finale because I really do not know how much more I can endure.

Did you watch? What did you think? Comment below and let me know!

    

  

 

 

Instagrumble

Posted in Random by

Instagram

 

Hey Lovers, 

Now that Instagram has added videos I am guessing it will get even more popular than it already is. There are few issues I have related to Instagram. Well, my issues are not with the app itself, my issues are with the way people use it. Let’s discuss!

Hashtags

Hashtags are fine but they should be used judiciously. Can you really take a caption seriously if #every #word #is #hashtagged? See what I mean? Super long hashtags are another thing I could certainly live without. #TheresNoReasonWhyAllThisNeedsToBeOneHashtag

Selfies 

When it comes to selfies less is really more. If you think about it, at some point a daily selfie transforms from a few cute pictures to an age progression. While we’re on the topic of selfies, let’s add daily pictures of children. Your kids don’t change that much from day to day. I don’t need daily pictures of them. 

Tweetgrams

If I wanted to read your Tweets, there’s a place for me to do that; it’s called Twitter.

Shout Outs

This is something I really do not understand. Just because someone liked 5 of your pictures, they get a shout out? Not only that, am I supposed to like a picture that’s about how many times someone else liked your pictures? 

Private Pictures 

While most of us follow and are followed by family members some pictures really are not suitable for all of your 500 followers. I just cannot understand why people feel the need to Instagram a loved one’s casket. I cannot be the only one who thinks things like this are in poor taste.

These are just 5 of the things that annoy me the most on Instagram. What annoys you on Instagram? Comment below and let me know!  

 

Dear Ray-J

Posted in Love, Random, Reality TV, Uncategorized by

Ray-J Kim K

Dearest Ray-J,

I can’t say I’m a fan but then again, who can? From your most recent stunt it’s clear you need someone with sense to speak to you and I’m happy to do it!

The title of your upcoming single “I hit it first” with a pixelated picture of Kim Kardashian really baffles me. Why do you feel the need to diss a pregnant woman?

Have you heard of Kenya Moore? Google her and read about the “Kenya Moore Problem” here https://rantraverandom.com/2013/02/21/diane-dixons-kenya-moore-problem/. The fact you feel the need to make a song about your pregnant ex-girlfriend literally 10 years after the fact let’s me know you’re not having great ideas this year. 

Let’s review a few things in case you don’t get my post. The video was made in 2003 and released in 2007. You’ve done several reality shows since that time. Kim K has done at least 99 seasons of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and its various spin offs as well as Dancing With the Stars. You were rumored to have messed with a singing show contestant as well as the late great Whitney Houston. Kim has dated Reggie Bush, her bodyguard and Miles Austin. Her second marriage started & ended and we know her status with Kanye West. Do you see where I’m going? You’ve both done plenty of living since your split.

I also have an issue  with the actual title “I hit it first” sounds like something a rapper would say when he’s talking about how easily he smutted Erica Mena after buying her 3 glasses of Moscato. You and Kim K were in a relationship and as the video shows, in edition to hitting it first you also beat it raw and ate it first too. Don’t act tough now; we have receipts .  

To end this I’m just going to give you a couple recommendations. You can thank me later. 

  1. Find a church home. You’ll do better if you walk with the Lord.
  2. Try to host parties. On your reality show you claimed you made $1 million a year from hosting parties. Your recent actions show that you’re probably best suited for jobs that don’t require too many words to leave your mouth.
  3. Find a hook or feature. I’m sure there’s a rapper or singer somewhere who would let you sing a hook for him or her. I was watching Love & Hip Hop and both Olivia and L’oreal are available.
  4. Talk to your sister. Brandy fell off for a while but now she’s back with another album as well as roles on TV and in movies. Find out how she did what she did. 
  5. Get a journal. Every disrespectfully salacious thought you have isn’t for your Garageband App, write it down; you’ll feel better. 

If you have any questions feel free to DM me @RantRaveRandom. 

Diane Dixon’s Kenya Moore Problem

Posted in Random by

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Hey Lovers, 

It’s been awhile. I’ve missed you. When a low down dirty monkey with a wig on attempted to shade me, I immediately thought of what an epic story it would be. 

I was in the office minding my business then suddenly Ratchet Barbie appeared. She blew through the office like a ghetto Tasmanian Devil. She kept saying “do you like my new teeth? I got dental implants. Remember my old teeth?” to everyone who passed her. As if that wasn’t bad enough she was wearing $1 shower flip flops. I checked the display on my phone to make sure that we were still in February because I couldn’t believe my eyes. As Hurricane Hoodrat blew from one office to the next I caught a glimpse of her “hair.” Well, I don’t know if I should call it hair since she was rocking a synthetic lace front so far down on her forehead it was looking like a hat. I immediately dialed up my homie M. Easy because I needed a witness.  

When she was finally making her way out, after telling various stories about her teeth and other tales of fake grandeur, she stopped and began speaking to us. She then proceeded to tell us that she’s “famous” and we should Google her. As she was speaking I could only hear Jim Jones girlfriend Chrissy’s voice in my head saying, “I’m mad you got your top teeth done and not the bottom.” A coworker attempting to be polite on her behalf decided to introduce her to M. Easy and me. She points to him and says “I know you’re a lawyer.” Then she points to me and says “you MUST be an intern.” I guess Black women can’t be lawyers in her small mind.

After that amount of shade, I decided to find out who exactly this woman was. I got her name then I proceeded to Google her. Ms. Diane Dixon has a bigger Kenya Moore problem than Kenya Moore. According to her Wiki page, Diane won an Olympic gold medal in 1984. Yes, ’84 as in before I was born. That wasn’t the only thing the Google Machine revealed. According to the NY Post (http://www.nypost.com/p/news/regional/item_e02g3B1XMBG9L1PQdEpRNL), Ms. D. Dixon is an alleged jump off of former NY Governor David Patterson. Those 2 nuggets of information made that whole encounter worth it. 

Take aways: 1. If your only claim to fame is something that no one remembers from nearly 30 years ag;o you’re not famous. 2. Telling someone to Google you after you’ve been implicated in a sex scandal probably isn’t the best idea.

Have you ever encountered someone with a Kenya Moore problem? Comment below and let me know!      

 

 

NY Bar Beat

Posted in Culture, Random by

Hello Lovers,

As many of you may know this past summer I had to leave you. I had to leave you here, in person, and on Facebook. I had to leave you because I was studying for the mammoth that is the New York bar exam.

Last night while with 2 friends who also took the bar exam I found out that I passed (and so did they)! Fun Fact: John F. Kennedy, Jr. was unable to pass the New York bar exam on his first attempt (and his second).

In addition to having to leave you for 63 continuous days of studying topped off by 12 hours of testing over 2 days; the reward was waiting another 98 days to learn my fate. I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure that whole setup is inhumane.

I’m just writing this quick post to thank everyone who has taken time congratulate me. I also want to congratulate all my friends who passed too. We cried together, bitched together, ate our feelings together and now we passed. . .together! In the words of my favorite rapper, I guess I got my swagga back! Aren’t you excited that now I can be a lawyer in case my blogging career doesn’t pop?

We have some other things to discuss. I think I have an excitement hangover right now but stay tuned for posts about Hurricane Sandy and Black Girls Rock.

Fall Out

Hey Lovers,

As some of you may know, on September 22nd autumn began. While we’re already 1 month in, it has still be unseasonably warm (thank you Climate Change). Thinking about the impending temperature drop and upcoming holidays I began to think about things I’d rather not see anymore. Let’s discuss!

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First on my list are talons/stiletto nails. Everyone from Beyonce, to Lady Gaga and Rihanna have rocked talons this year. While there are infinite numbers of ways to rock this shape of nail I’m over them. Unless you’re using your stiletto nails as actual weapons, I think we can all find another nail trend that doesn’t make people think we want to kill them by poking them in the eye.

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Next on my list are, moccasins. At first glance I thought an insulated slipper would be a thing of the winter or fall however I was wrong. I never really understood the appeal of putting a barefoot into a fuzzy slipper on a warm day but hey, what do I know? Moccasins make great HOUSE slippers; on that, we can all agree. I have an idea, how about we all leave our house slippers, in the house?

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I didn’t think that in 2012 we’d be discussing facial piercings but again, anything’s possible. Recently I saw one of my favorite Youtubers, a grown married mother, post a video about her new Marilyn Monroe piercing. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Facial piercings, really? You really couldn’t find something from early last decade to rehash and make you look immature at your son’s parent-teacher conference?

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Poetic Justice braids were huge throughout the summer. Solange Knowles is responsible for bringing these braids back from the early 1990’s. She may not really be responsible but let’s just agree that for argument’s sake she is. The trend was cute for a second but people are now trying to differentiate their braids by making them bigger, longer and unconventional colors. While braids are great for giving your hair a break, I think we should allow these braids to rest in peace.

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Last but not least, lace closures should leave us with the warm weather and I hope they never return. I don’t know who started this trend but it’s awful. Lace closures give you the look of a lace front with the hassle of a weave; basically, the worst of both worlds. I don’t care how many YouTubers make videos about bleaching the knots and using foundation or concealer to make it match your skin, they look horrible. Again, I know closures are for protection but an awkward fake hair line with naps creeping out from the perimeter are an eye sore. Let’s challenge ourselves to find another way to protect our hair without using closures which just end up looking like hats made of hair.

What would you like to expire with the warm weather? Comment below and let me know! Follow on Twitter @RantRaveRandom

Love You Long Time

Posted in Culture, Love, Random by

Over the last few years it has come to my attention that grown people still expect others to tread lightly around their issues. Let’s discuss. 

Have you ever learned that an innocent comment made in jest shook someone’s core? This, I do not understand. Who knows you better than you? Chances are whatever’s being said is something you’ve heard already. If that’s the case, tell us why you’re mad. Well, don’t tell me. I’m not good at feelings. I digress. 

For example, if you’re a woman whose wardrobe consists entirely of men’s clothing, you’re a cross dresser. No shade, just facts. If someone says you cross dress, why are you mad at them? If you don’t want to be called a cross dresser, I have a simple solution; don’t cross dress. It’s kind of like not wanting to get a degree in engineering because you don’t want to be called an engineer. 

I know everyone goes through that “awkward phase” at some point in their life. However, I’m pretty sure you should be settled on your insecurities by the time you’re old enough to legally drink. In middle school I was teased about my lips. I was called “Big Lip,” “Bubble Lip,” and told I needed “lip-o-suction.” It didn’t take an it’s gets better campaign to know my worth didn’t come from those people who were undoubtedly battling their own insecurities. I’m not mad at those people. As a matter of fact I should probably be asking for residuals on the lip plumper I know they’re buying. 

I know adult problems require a little more than the “sticks and stones” approach but at this point either embrace your idiosyncrasies or change them. Chances are that no one outside of your Circle of Trust cares particularly one way or the other. Remember the words of Katt Williams “it’s called self-esteem.” 

Am I wrong about any of this? If so, let me know! 

Love this randomness, follow me on Twitter @RantRaveRandom

Definitions Optional

Posted in Culture, Random by

Over the last few days, I’ve began to notice an alarming trend. People have been totally disregarding the meaning of words and phrases which have meanings; unambiguous meanings. This, we must discuss.

Did you all catch last night on Love & Hip Hop when Karline said she “put Benzino on?” Did they change the meaning of “put on” while I was studying for the bar exam? Put on means to upgrade or make someone relevant. Last I checked Karline and those tired bottom teeth, haven’t put on anyone. Well…I’m sure there are some tired, washed up, hoes who saw Karline and now believe they too can have the chance to smash someone who used to own something that was popular but we’re not discussing people who were in the “slow class.”

Also, last night on Love & Hip Hop, Stevie’s newest thirst-bucket claimed she was “official.” Excuse me hood version of Kat Von D, if you were official you would be in the studio making music and not having some kind of tattoo trade off with Sleezo.

Over the weekend I told a friend she got caught slippin’. She denied that claim. However, she was doing something that resulted in an unflattering picture being taken. According to urban dictionary the definition of slippin’ is: not paying attention, or allowing someone to catch you off guard. I think doing something unflattering in a room full of people with camera phones is the definition of slippin. I could be wrong.

Republican Congressman Todd Akin said a woman can’t get pregnant as a result of “legitimate rape.” Excuse me Mr. Akin, please show me a case of illegitimate rape. I thought all rape by definition was legitimate but in Mr. Akin’s world, there are unacceptable versions of rape. I guess having taken biology is not a requirement to becoming a member of the Congressional Science Committee.

People have called current VP nominee Paul Ryan “young.” He’s 42 years old. I thought 40’s were considered middle aged but as a member of a party who nominated someone over 60 to be President, I guess Ryan is “young.” Under the GOP definition I must be a teenager.  

Thinking of these instances I began to wonder, is the dictionary or social definition of a word/phrase now optional? Can we all say whatever we want without regard for its undisputed meaning? While it might be confusing, I think this may be a good thing. I’m going to try it right now. . .

I’m tall. Forget the fact I’m only 5’4

I’m skinny. Never mind the fact the last dress I wore is a size 12.

I am not allergic to peanuts, I just have life threatening anaphylaxis whenever I eat anything containing peanuts.

That felt kind of good, I must admit but I really do hope this trend does not take off. No one could ever have a conversation. Imagine your friend saying “please lend me $500.” Now, it’s now tax refund time and you want to be repaid. Your friend tells you when they said “lend” they did not mean it on the basis that “lend/loan” means they must repay you. That would be a nightmare. The crime rate would skyrocket and the calls to The People’s Court and Judge Judy would increase tenfold.

I think we should stick to the established and accepted definitions in efforts to avoid side eyes at best and bullets at worst.

Ignorance Defense

Posted in Culture, Politics, Random by

Today I was on the train and I saw something amazing. Well. . .amazing in my opinion. Do you remember back when the bright young minds of Brooklyn Tech showed the fools of Westboro Baptist Church how it really goes down in Brooklyn? If you need to refresh your memory, read the Brooklyn Tech story here: http://fort-greene.thelocal.nytimes.com/2009/09/24/students-turn-out-and-westboro-leaves/

I thought of that story today. I was on the train and a woman stood in the middle of the car wearing a sandwich board, yes, a sandwich board that said gay marriage is one of the reasons why Jesus is coming. Another passenger asked her why she chose to deliver the word in such a way. The passenger went to on to say that she too does street ministry and she shares what Jesus has done for her. She wanted to know who told the woman in the sandwich board to wear a sandwich board with such an offensive message . I was happy I had a front row seat to what was sure to be an epic debate. Instead of answering the passenger with some scripture or logic, the sandwich board wearer literally turned her back and left. She left just like Westboro Baptist after the Brooklyn Tech students gave them a taste of their own medicine.

As I said “amen” to the passenger upon my exit, I began to wonder how come people don’t defend their ignorant positions? If you believe something so strongly you’re wearing a sandwich board, shouldn’t you be able to answer a question about the sandwich board? I would imagine that when a conviction compels you to wear a sandwich board, hold a sign, pay for a billboard or anything else, you wouldn’t mind answering questions.

Today I was proven wrong. While I don’t like to be wrong, I loved witnessing a supposed zealot fold faster than Superman on Laundry Day.