Photo from Studio43.com

Hello Lovers,

Have you listened to Constitution Ten Commandments, Dead Sea Scrolls 95 Theses, Magna Carta Holy Grail? Did you see Jay-Z on Bill Maher? Did you see the “film” that followed on HBO? Let’s discuss!

When I heard the title “Magna Carta Holy Grail” I came up with a theory. The theory is, Jay-Z needs to leave us alone, musically. After listening to Emancipation Proclamation I Have A Dream, I mean Magna Carta Holy Grail, multiple times, I think my theory is correct. Jay-Z is in the Michael Jordan Wizards stage of his rap career. Magna Carta Holy Grail actually drained me. As I listened to “Tom Ford” I thought “maybe if you popped molly this song would be more interesting.”

Am I the only one who found it a little creepy when he said “twerk Miley” at the end of “Somewhere in America?” Miley is about 20-21 and Jay-Z is 43 aka old enough to be her daddy. Further, Miley is already running around saying she wants a “Black sound,” lines like that just encourage her and I’m not here for it.

I’m also tired of the Jay-Z Beyonce collaborations. I know there are some members of the Beyhive who will read this. . .just hear me out before you attempt to snatch my wig. Jay-Z and Beyonce songs used to be amazing, “Upgrade U” and “’03 Bonnie & Clyde” were great songs. Part II or whatever it’s called is a yawn. What many bandwagon rap Beyhive fans tend to forget is that “’03 Bonnie & Clyde” was a remake of a Tupac song. A remake is good. A remake of a remake; not so much. I guess Beyonce whispering “bad bitch” was something we don’t get her from very often but I could live without it. I could also live without him referring to her as his “baby mama” even if she is harder than a lot these ^199a$.

I decided for sure that Jay-Z was out of material when he referred to Foxy Brown in “Picasso Baby.” Foxy Brown is on Instagram trying to sell virgin hair; the same business as Cam’ron’s fiancee. Nas accused Jay-Z of messing with Foxy Brown on Ether.  Who waits so long to address a rumor? It’s become clear that when it comes to Jay-Z’s music the problem isn’t his flow, the problem is his dough.

When I heard Jay-Z performed the same song for 6 hours, le sigh was my reaction. When I heard that a band, The National, had already done that I was baffled. Jay-Z used to start things. Now, he’s doing things other artists have already done. When I saw that it would be a film on HBO I got curious. I had so many questions. Is it hard physically to perform for so long? Did he take water breaks? Did he have to put special soles in his construction Wheat Timbs? Was he lip syncing? I could continue.

After I watched the “film” and Bill Maher none of my questions were answered; not 1. First of all, I think it is a stretch to call 15 minutes a “film.” Wasn’t the B.I.G. full length “hypnotize” video about the same length and it was just a music video? What I don’t understand is how Jay-Z gave us 15 minutes about something that probably should have been 30 minutes or an hour but Beyonce gave us 90 minutes on something that could’ve been done in 15 minutes.

On Bill Maher, Jay-Z spoke about rap and art’s common underground history. I was actually looking forward to his “film” being artsy and intellectual. I thought there would interviews with Marina Abramovic, David Blaine or Lady Gaga about performances. Instead we got a highlight reel of celebrities and some less well known artists with no mention that he was actually there doing the same song for 6 hours. I saw very little art and very little intellect. I actually would’ve been more satisfied with a rerun of Jay-Z’s first HBO event back when Freeway was on his label. That concert had special guests like Missy and performances of songs that were actually good.

After seeing the “film” I just want to resurrect the old Jay-Z.  The “I want a chick who practice Tai Chi but still can buy weed” Jay-Z. The “we don’t believe you, you need more people” Jay-Z. The “if your man got you baggin’ up it could be worse, just put a little in the baggie, a little in the purse” Jay-Z. The “I’m not a businessman I’m a business…man” Jay-Z. The “I am a hustler baby, I can sell water to a whale” Jay-Z. I’d even settle for the “You got Baby money, keep it real with niggas, niggas ain’t got my lady money” Jay-Z.

After Magna Carter Holy Grail and “Picasso Baby” I think Jay-Z should focus on raising Blue Ivy, sending young women fancy cars, and sports management.

Did you see Picasso Baby? Did you listen to Magna Carta Holy Grail? What did you think? Is Jay-Z the rap Gaga or rap Grandpa?

Comment below and let me know!