Category Archives: Culture

HoliDaze

Posted in Culture, Random by

I’m glad that you all have survived the holidays. I don’t know about you but I am kind of glad the Holiday Season is over and everyone is still in one piece. Below are just a few of my random thoughts about the holidays. As you read please keep in mind that I always wish I will be normal in my next life.

Timing
I think they group the major holidays together because a lot of people need nearly 12 full months to recover. Imagine if Christmas was really on Jesus’s birthday which some claim is in September and we left Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve in place. I don’t know about you but that’s way too spread out which means there’s a greater chance of bad things happening. When I say “bad things” I mean bad family related things which brings us to the next and most stressful topic.

Family

Few things turn normally sane and rational people into irrational borderline homicidal maniacs than the Holidays. Whether it’s the logistics of which dinner is going to be at whose house or which trifling, always empty handed, annoying, lazy, etc. [insert whichever adjective applies to your people here] relative is going to show up, the holidays can bring out the best and worst in us all. It’s really a miracle I didn’t have my very own episode of Intervention after my grandmother called me hysterically last year saying the turkey was missing. The turkey was not in fact missing but apparently the mere hint that turkey was not present and accounted for sent Grandma into a tizzy. At that moment and this moment, I am not for random tizzy throwing . With the combination of mind altering substances used to numb the pain of family gatherings and family members who don’t know when to say when, it’s no wonder violent crime increases during the holidays.

Holiday Parties (Rave!)
I love holiday parties. They’re usually great break from relatives and a good place to get the libations which I’ll surely need after a full day of my grandmother’s antics. Another reason why holiday parties are great is because they’re elective. If you don’t want to attend just tell the host you can’t get away from your family or you have another event to attend. All in all anything that just requires me to look cute and show up always wins; not to mention holiday libations are always delicious. Candy Cane cocktail with sugar around the rim? Yes, I’ll take 2.

Facebook
Facebook gets really annoying around the holidays; especially New Year’s Eve. There’s always that person (or people depending on how selective you are) who claim they’re gonna murder everything in the New Year. Let’s have an honest moment. If you haven’t killed anything in your previous years on earth the New Year probably won’t be any different. Maybe these people would be able to make things happen if they concentrated on making things happen instead of writing about it.
Random/Rave
The Facebook photos of babies in their “My first Christmas” or “Mommy’s gift” onesies are adorable 99% of the time and don’t bother me one bit.

Finally, (random) am I the only one who says brief prayers for those people who don’t families to gather with on holidays but instead want to invite you to some random thing on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day? It’s like, Girl, I love you but I’m not getting myself written out of the family will because I’m trying to play Taboo with your lonely ass while my people are having dinner; let’s save all that for the after party.

Are you in a Holidaze? Let me know!

2011 Expiration

Posted in Culture, Random by

As the year comes to a close, I thought it appropriate to share a small list of things I hope do not join us in 2012.

BBW “inspired” earrings

When we first saw Jenn & Evelyn wearing them, they were kinda unique but enough is really enough. Now there are million girls doing how to videos on YouTube. The earrings have even made it to the tables on the streets of NYC. If you want to know when a trend stops being trendy, check the tables.

Mohawks
Need I say more?

Pantyhose as leggings

If whatever you’re wearing has a run in them, they’re not leggings. They are stockings and you should not be shocked by all the side-eyes you’re receiving. Actual leggings are sold everywhere from Forever 21 to H &M so let’s leave anything with a control top under a skirt or dress or in 2011 if you think they can be leggings.

Conservative Politician sex scandals
If we’ve learned anything this year in politics we’ve learned that as long as the media and Internet exist jump offs will find their way to the public. If you like to play “grab your ankles” with people of the same sex or someone other than your spouse you better get an angle other than family values.

Ray-Jesque Media Rants
Unless you’re Charlie Sheen or Paula Abdul getting on the air while you’re still leaning from last night is not a good look.

Knock-offs
We all know that as long as Canal Street exists there will be knock offs but can’t a girl hope? What’s the point of getting something that’s supposed to be something else? The feet and seams on that wanna be speedy are a dead give away. Either get a plain bag or save up for the real deal because the only people who will be fooled are people who don’t know the difference in the first place.

Fake Moral Superiority
You can file this along side the conservative sex scandals. We’re moving into 2012, we’ve seen that sometimes hoes actually win. Don’t believe me? Google ATL “housewife” Kim trapping, I mean marrying Kroy and Hoopz & Shaq’s alleged nuptials. We know everyone isn’t wholesome. Sometimes it takes being a stripper, gold digger, or mistress/jump off for people to “get on,” “come up” etc. Still don’t believe me? Google Calista Gingrich. What needs to stop is once someone gets on they start pretending they’ve been on the up & up all along. I could’ve jumped through my TV the other night when Kim tried to turn her nose up at Marlo for doing the same thing she did to get on. Clearly twerking for married men causes memory loss because she was acting like she forgot that she accepted more than one “engagement” ring from another woman’s husband. Take away: If ankle grabbing was your profession, own it and don’t knock co-twerkers after you retire.

2012 Apocalypse

If you don’t know by now, the Mayan calendar ends December 2012. How anyone can find an ounce of veracity in this story is beyond me. If the Mayans predicted so many things, how come we haven’t heard about them predicting their own demise? This story along with Mama Jones’s rap career, needs to go away and stay there.

What would you rather not see next year? Let me know!

Wrong is the new Right?

The perpetual entertainment that we get from the Republican debates makes me wish the election season wasn’t so close. Here are just a few of my thoughts on the Special Olympics contestants.

Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney
I was in college in Boston while he was the governor so I don’t have to ask from where did they get him. We have a fetish for making former governors President. It was all fun until we got that one from Texas; I digress. Mitt is a trip to say the least. Doesn’t it look like he’s an actor playing the role of someone running for Office? Everyday he says the opposite of what he said yesterday if he thinks it’ll help him get higher than 20% in the polls. Mitt’s like that girl in high school who’s with you today but against you tomorrow when she thinks she’s made 2 new friends and the reality is that no one really cares for her that much. I shouldn’t be so hard on Willard. After all, he did stop hiring “illegals.”

Crazy Uncle Ron Paul
Ron Paul, where do we begin? Ron Paul is that reclusive neighbor or relative you only see a few times a year because you’re still recovering from the last time you had family dinner. I love watching him on TV; a tiny man in an oversized crooked suit who wants to legalize everything and let people die all while telling you this with a straight face. I think Ron Paul needs a reality show, imagine what crazy things he says daily.

Rick Perry/Bush 2.0
Rick is the reason why no one messes with Texas. He seems to have taken that whole “live free” thing from New Hampshire too far. Every time he visits he gives a speech it makes me wonder why his staffers let him get on camera before he comes down from his high. Am I suggesting he’s using illegal drugs? No, I think he likes libations; a lot. His speeches show that he’s totally unqualified to be President but probably really fun at parties. Honestly I’d say that even if I didn’t believe it, I’m not trying to get dropped at Niggerhead. I had a couple other things I wanted to say about him but I can’t remember my other gripes. . .oops!

Michelle Blockhead, I mean Bachman
I like the Tea Party Princess because she’s a walking contradiction. Do you know anyone else who is against big government but is a former government employee, doesn’t like Medicaid but owns a business that gets paid through Medicaid, thinks ending slavery was great but forgot the Founders owned slaves? She’s another one who scares me. I don’t know if it’s her “crazy eyes” or the fact she said aloud vaccinations cause mental retardation. I just want to ask what causes her perpetual brain farts. Anytime you confuse John Wayne, the coolest guy to ever live with a serial killer, I have no use for you.

Cry Baby Santorum

Everyone knows you have to have a sense of humor to be President. Santorum called SNL and Dan Savage bullies after they made gay jokes about him. Personally, I think we all need to give a tip of the gay flag to Savage for figuring out how to get spreadingsantorum.com to the top of the search results every time. Other than Ricky being weird about gays and way too sensitive he’s pretty forgettable. Let’s move on.

Jon Worked for Obama which is why he’ll never win with the Retarded Right Huntsman

I like Huntsman too bad he committed right suicide by saying science is real and we can’t ignore it. Everyone knows that in order to win with the extreme right wing, you better say you got a degree from Hogwarts. I kid, we know they didn’t read Harry Potter (or anything else).

Newt serial marrying Gingrich

He’s another one who should do stand up comedy. Anyone who says that someone playing an undoctored tape of them is lying has to be joking. I also find it funny that the person who was pressing the homie Bill Clinton for getting brain then lying about it is married to his third wife. His third wife who was his mistress when he was married to his second wife. In a 3 degrees of Newt separation kinda thing, Newt cheated on his first wife with his second wife. Newt needs to listen to some hip hop music because he stays ‘cuffing his hoes. Actually, Newt could hang with the rappers, he has a gang of hoes, he made millions talking ish and he bought half a millie worth of jewelry from Tiffany’s. If that doesn’t say rapper, I don’t know what does.

Herman Came to Bring the Pain Cain

I’ll be happy when the primaries are over. I need Herman Cain to go away, far away. As if the Olive Oil commercials, ATL Housewives and BET didn’t make Black folks look bad enough Cain comes out reciting lines from Pokemon and the Simpsons. I just really want Cain to stop shuckin’ and jivin’ for these people. When you recite lines from a cartoon it’s no wonder why Ann Coulter thinks it’s okay to make the statement about you being one of “their Blacks.” Actually, with that kind of coonery, they can have you. I’m happy the Cain Train has been derailed and discontinued just like that ice cream flavor he likened himself to. Cain should also consider hanging with rappers because I’m sure they’d tell him that not switching up your hoes periodically is definition of slippin’.

Overall I’ve enjoyed this nomination madness because it’s given me something to watch on the couple days a week when ATL Housewives, the Braxtons and Love & Hip Hop aren’t on.

Who’s your favorite righty? Let me know!

Fake Friends

This topic is something I’ve wanted to write on for awhile but I procrastinate more than a teenage boy maturates. Recently I’ve had 2 experiences (that I know of) with fake something like friends. 1 was with a friend of a friend. The other was with a person who indeed had me confused. It’s okay because she’s now dead to me. You may be thinking “that’s a bit harsh.”  You’re right. If that’s too harsh for you just insert that line from one of my favorite Maroon 5 songs “If I never see [their] face[s] again, I don’t mind.” These people are as useful as a flashlight missing a bulb and batteries during a blackout.

I have a request. Can we put all these people on an island? Ok, maybe just for social things; nah, everything. I’m over 25 and I still have no use for these people. How do you ever have a real interaction with a fake person? I think I need a faketionary because there’s no way I can understand these beings otherwise.

I find these people funny in a sad way. How much is your life lacking that you have the time AND motivation to deal with someone who you don’t care for really? I have a hard enough time keeping up with the people I value. The thought of dealing with people I don’t like for whatever reason appeals to me as much as a root canal. I don’t blame either of these 2 sad souls for what they did, be clear. I blame myself for not recognizing that they weren’t shit in the first place.

If you all have any tips, thoughts or knowledge on this situation please comment because I have a strange feeling I may keep encountering these kind of people and I don’t want them to be confused because the “S” in my name is not for “sucka,” “slouch” or “soft.”

Let’s end with a line from one of my favorite rappers Fabolous…I’d rather a real enemy than a fake friend. Enemies will shoot you from the front but ‘friends’ will stab you in the back.

Classroom Don’ts

For those of you who know me, you know I’ve been in school for about 100 years. I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or because school has gotten progressively more expensive. Following are just a few of my thoughts on things that should NOT be done in classrooms.

  • Don’t eat smelly food. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I understand that many times you’re running from class to class or class to work, etc but if you need to eat in class please pick something that is REASONABLE. It always amazes me how people think it’s appropriate to eat an egg sandwich, Philly cheese steak, fish, cabbage or whatever other smelly food they can dream up in a crowded classroom. I can’t even listen to what the professor is saying because I’m fantasizing about how much I want to snatch that cheese steak from your hand, onions and all and throw it and you out of the classroom for being so ridiculously inconsiderate.
  • Don’t sit front and center if you plan on being late regularly. You know yourself, if you give yourself 30 minutes to get to class and live at least 35 minutes away, middle of the front row 5 people in is NOT the place for you. Repeatedly showing up late while trying to inconspicuously slide into your seat is the weekday version of a walk of shame. Don’t let it be you.
  • Don’t take crowded classes if you don’t bathe regularly. What has the rest of the class done to you that you’re making them smell your ever accumulating funk? It’s unfair.
  • Don’t let your child sit in someone’s seat. I understand that you may want Boo Boo to see what you’re learning or daycare may be closed however, I don’t care how cute your child is, they didn’t pay for that seat, your classmate did. You may be thinking that’s a bit harsh, it is. You know what else is harsh, this tuition, keep Junior out of other people’s space.
  • Don’t skip class if you’ve been warned it’s your turn to speak, lead, present, etc. I’m all for taking a mental health day however taking that day when you’re on the hot seat is not the right behavior for this world. I was placed in this situation a few weeks ago. The other person who was supposed to be on call with me skipped class though we were told we would be called on. I was prepared so answering the professor’s questions wasn’t really a big deal. My issue with not showing up instead of just saying you plan to skip class is that appears to be kind of passive aggressive and I prefer regular aggressive.
  • Do keep your feet in your shoes. It’s bad enough I’ve attended school in 2 states where people wear flip flops for far too long, now people are removing their shoes. A couple weeks ago I saw someone in class remove her shoes then let them hang into the aisle. Besides the obvious rudeness, the polish on her toenails looked like someone had chewed it. When people do things like this it makes me wish we really could vote people off the “island.”
  • Do NOT watch porn or anything else objectionable. Well, I guess I mean don’t expect no one to realize you’re browsing such material during class. If you’re ok with people giving you the side eye because you’re watching anime porno, disregard this.

Did I miss anything? If so, let me know!

Occupy All Streets?

20111114-093051.jpg

Over the weekend I learned Rocawear is now selling “Occupy All Streets” shirts for $22 and there’s been no talk of any proceeds going to the Occupy Movement. Some people find this offensive and are saying less than flattering things about my Brooklyn Brethren, Jay-Z. I do not share those sentiments because I’m jaded to say the least. Let’s start with fact Jay-Z sold Rocawear in 2007 for over $200 million (fact courtesy of VH1’s Pop Up Video). If you were unaware, that 1 deal alone would make him part of the 1%. Add the money he made for those sneakers, 40/40, and all of  his #1 albums, then you can see why he remixed Weezy’s song talking about a “Billie a billionaire.” I digress. I spoke of Rocawear’s sale to say since Jay-Z is no longer an owner and isn’t really designer, he may not even know about these shirts.

You’re probably thinking “of course he knows,” and with that I would probably agree. Think of this like the time Beyonce did songs with Lady Gaga. Some people claimed Mrs. Carter didn’t need to collaborate with Gaga. The truth is, just like Bey did a video with lesbian undertones (I mean really, if that honey bun scene wasn’t gay, I don’t know what is) to stay relevant, it isn’t surprising that Jay-Z or arm of something of which he’s affiliated did the same thing to stay relevant with the most popular protest that did start in the street; arguably just like Jay-Z did.

I’m like you, and I like to think Jay-Z in addition to being from the ‘hood is for the ‘hood. In ’08 after paying $200 to see him at the Garden, Hov told me to vote for Obama and I did. I was going to vote for Obama anyway because I didn’t think McCain had the right life expectancy to have his finger on the button that we hear so much about. Jay-Z has given out toys in the projects on Christmas day. In addition to doing a concert to benefit The Firefighters, Hov also gave money to help victims of Hurricane Katrina.

No one can deny Jay-Z has done good things with his money and influence. Well, Newark might disagree since in true BK fashion, Jay-Z took the Nets. Again, I digress. My point is that while we like to think that Jay-Z is still for the 99% he’s part of the 1%. When someone has enough money to call themselves the Black Warren Buffet we shouldn’t put anything past them. After all, what we call money he pays more in taxes.

UPDATE

After writing the above post, I came across this image and knew I had to share. As the picture shows, Jay-Z is VERY familiar with the “all streets” version of the Occupy shirts. Does this change anything for me? No. As I told you originally, Jay-Z is part of the 1% and staying relevant is his bread and butter so I’m not surprised. The rich will always do things to get richer. Further, I think hijacking a movement for your own purposes takes nerve and anyone who knows me, knows I’m always impressed with people who exhibit that kind of self aggrandizement.

The NBA Lockout means NOTHING to me but NEEDS to END!

Posted in Culture, Random by

Let me begin by saying I have not given this lockout more than my minimum attention before writing this post. Honestly, I’m only giving it my minimum attention now. If you’re a sports buff and would like to enlighten me of facts that I am currently aware, feel free to comment. I probably still won’t care, but comment anyway. The main reason why I could not care less about this NBA lockout is because when the millionaires (players) are in a fight with the multi-millionaires and billionaires (owners), I as an arguably regular person cannot feel sorry for either side.

There are a few groups who have my sympathy. These are the small business owners and staff of the arenas. Many bars, restaurants, and parking garages have seen dramatic drops in business because the games have been cancelled. Am I the only one who’s disgusted that people who are already underpaid like arena security and wait-staff may be pushed to the brink of poverty because Big & Bigger Money can’t agree on how to split the billions they make?

Can we take a moment to talk about it’s rumored that the Lockout precipitated Kim Kardashian’s divorce from Kris never knew his name ‘til he started dating Kim Humphries? You may not be surprised by the divorce however, I for one was looking for the charade to go on for at least a year. Why? You ask. . .because I wanted Kim K and Lala to get some kind of Basketball Wife spin off. Everyone would have won. Shaunie O’Neal would’ve made more money without appearing on camera (her occasional paleness annoys me), Lala would have gotten to continue to talk about how she doesn’t want being married to Melo to derail her life (I mean “career”) on the D List and Kim would have been able to “prove” to everyone that her marriage was not a sham, she really was in love with K. Hump and we the viewers would have been able to figuratively frolic in the joy of watching all the events unfold. The lesson from this situation is: it’s all fun and games ‘til someone’s unemployed.

Sorry for that Kardashian rant, back to what I was typing about. . . the Lockout. When I first heard about the Lockout I was a bit surprised because I didn’t even know that the players were in a union but as a proud Lefty (read Liberal), I was happy they are unionized. After the Occupy Wall Street protests gained momentum, I again thought about the Lockout; briefly. I’m pretty sure we can all agree that the nation is facing bigger problems than not seeing Lebron dominate or Gloria’s baby father warm the bench. You may be thinking to yourself “but Triple17, sports make people happy. Sports are an American pass time.” To that I respond, please don’t reproduce. That would be like me, a reality TV junkie, getting more than fleetingly upset if the ATL Housewives, Basketball Wives, Bad Girls, Braxtons, Jersey Shore and Jerseyliscious cast members going on strike simultaneously. “No Snooki, no Nene, no Evelyn, no Tamar, no Malaysia this must be what the Mayans foresaw for 2012.” ß Not real life.

Moral: when we live in a nation where objectively ignorant people can be considered for President, our infrastructure is crumbling, China owns us, the kids are so poorly educated I wouldn’t even call them future baristas and good healthcare appears to be going out of style, we have bigger problems than insanely rich people arguing with offensively rich people. After all, would you complain if you only had to show up 82 days a year?

The Kim K. Problem

Kim K. with number ___ love of her life

Last Sunday, you know I watched E! It was the season premiere of the K Team. There was a scene where Kim and Khloe got into an argument because Kim has now found the love of her life, the White basketball player who might be mute but Khloe had pictures of the 2 previous loves of Kim’s life (Reggie Bush & Miles Austin). It got me thinking, I know reality TV is usually only good for the opposite of thinking. Do any of your friends (most likely female) have the Kim K problem? I know a few of mine do. This problem has been around probably as long as humanity itself. I don’t know about you but being friends with someone who has the Kim K (every boyfriend is the love of my life) Problem is exhausting and amazing at the same time.
You might be wondering why I’m calling love a problem. It’s not actual love that’s the problem. It’s people like Kim K who think every touch of infatuation means someone is the love of their life. Watch a Kardashian marathon and you’ll see what I mean. How genuine is your love if 9 out of 10 people you’ve dated have been referred to by you as “the love of your life?” That’s almost as bad as calling every child gifted. So let’s add that to the list of untrue things that make no sense.
Earlier I said my friends with the Kim K Problem both exhaust and amaze me. They exhaust me because every time I hear from them the conversation is usually something along the lines of “Now I’m with X and I love him so much.” That statement is usually followed by a few unrelated, probably untrue medley of facts about why they make the perfect couple and will certainly live happily ever after. This where the exhaustion hits. I’ve had to train myself to be able to zone out, while keeping a straight face but absorbing enough of the fairy tale so I don’t have to be reminded of it the next time we speak. I can only wonder why these people don’t love me enough to spare me.
I’m no longer amazed enough to give these stories my full attention but the pieces that do make it into my head amaze me. How optimistic, insane, short sighted, etc. must a person be in order to be crazy in love with every person they date? By crazy in love I mean, FB picture posting, BBM icon changing, telling friends over & over. I’m amazed by these things. Are these people serious? Are they crazy? Are they trying to prove something? Maybe they’re taunting me on purpose because they know I’d choose to be tattooed by a blind 1 handed child over being retarded in love.
I have a possible cure to the Kim K Problem. If you or a friend tends to think every person is “the one” treat the situation like any other situation. Are every pair of shoes you buy the best pair ever? Is ever job you have your best job ever? Is each new friend you make better than all the friends you already have? The answer to these questions is surely no. So I say, let’s refrain from being overly effusive about these relationships that have a snowball’s chance in Hell. After all, if every person is the love of your life with whom you wanna have little love addicted babies, are they really that special? Also, do your friends (and me) a solid and spare them from all your love. I promise you, they’ll love you more for it.

Child Worship

Posted in Culture, Random by


I’m no religious expert but I do remember hearing something about NOT worshiiing  false idols. With that said. . .let’s talk about the BIGGEST false idols of our day; children.

You can’t log on on to Facebook without seeing someone raving about their child; unwarranted. If you’re anything like me (I know you’re probably not) you think to yourself, “Did your 1000 Facebook Friends including me really need to wake up to ‘sooo happy BooBoo made peepee in the potty and she isn’t even 2 yet’ in their mini feed.” The older I get, the more unbearable child worship has become. Maybe it’s because I’ve met more children and realized that most of them aren’t objectively unique or maybe parental effusiveness is at an all time high. Either way, I’d like to offer my thoughts on the most common parental rants.

  • “BooBoo is gifted, exceptional, etc.” FACT: It is not statistically possible for every child to be gifted. If you don’t believe me please look up the word average. RANDOM: You might also want to look into the rest of the class’ capability before calling your child gifted. There will be times when you’ll pray for you child to be in a class full of stupid people, that time; law school. TAKE AWAY: BooBoo knowing not to eat paste does NOT mean he’s the next Ben Carson.
  • RANT: It annoys me to high heaven when parents of grown (18+) people brag about them being “smart” or “doing well.” By the time your child is old enough to vote you know whether or not they’re a productive member of society. I know it might be hard to admit it if they aren’t a productive member of society because poor parenting is probably a reason why BooBoo isn’t winning. Really, BooBoo’s doing well. . .he’s a 19 year old baby daddy who got kicked out of college and is now working part time at Ikea?! I guess it depends on how you define “well.”
  • “BooBoo is the prettiest baby in the world.” We’ve all seen this. . .someone gushing about how “perfect” their child looks only for you to see a picture and wonder if they accidentally uploaded a picture of a gremlin. FACT: There are some faces that only a mother could love. CONFESSION: If I think a friend of mine has been impregnated by an objectively unattractive man, I secretly pray the baby will get her looks; vice versa in the case of my male friends.
  • “BooBoo is so well behaved.” This is the one that offends me the most. When I see this I think to myself, “if BooBoo’s so well behaved why did s/he curse his pre-school teacher out and attempt to stab a classmate with a Crayon?” TAKE AWAY: Good behavior is easier to determine than intelligence. If your child’s been sent home for disruptive behavior in daycare s/he’s probably not well behaved. We’ll still love BooBoo but you might not want to hold your breath for student of the month.
  • “BooBoo is a soccer star.” The truth is one of the reasons why soccer has become so popular is because any normally functioning child can do it. I know nothing about sports but I’m sure that it’s less damaging for BooBoo to run up and down a grassy field for however long soccer games last than to strike out in baseball because striking out is something that can be measured. TAKE AWAY: Bend it like Posh’s husband was a movie. If your child hasn’t scored/blocked or whatever else they do in soccer all season, we should wait before calling him a star.

Final Point: Humans are biologically wired to love their children. Love your’s but please don’t subject your Facebook Friends, real friends or relatives to every gross and/or irrelevant detail. I love BooBoo too because s/he belongs to you but I’m busy. I just don’t have the time or motivation to read a 3 paragraph email about how BooBoo made it all the way across the monkey bars and is no longer wetting the bed.

Writing this, I realize there is parental worship is prevalent too. It’s not as damaging or widespread as child worship but I have some thoughts on that too. Stay tuned.

Hallowhoa

Posted in Culture, Random by

Halloween was this past weekend. I have some randomness as usual.

RAVE: I love baby costumes; pumpkins, animals, ballerinas, superheros, etc., they all look adorable on small children. Take away: If the child is under age 5, just about any costume is going to make every adult say “awww.”

RANDOM: I just have a couple questions about Halloween. . .

1. At what age are you too old to dress up? I saw a man dressed up as Balloon Boy (I think) and what was left of his hair was entirely gray; he also had a hearing aid. I don’t know how I feel about Grandpa dressing up for Halloween. What’s your pleasure?

2. How come more women’s costume don’t consist of pants?  Here on the East Coast, it could snow on Halloween so why is nearly every costume for an adult woman so skimpy? Fishnets & pumps+ Snow = Sexy

HAM (Hot Ass Mess)

RULE/RANT: Fit and flattering rules apply to Halloween costumes too. RANDOM: There are plus-sized costumes, you just may have to work a little harder to find them.

Dallas CheerHo

RULE: Racism is still racism on Halloween.

The picture above is of Dallas Cowboy cheerleader Whitney Isleib. She claimed she was dressed as Lil’ Wayne. In no surprise, most of the Texans that dared to come on camera said they didn’t see anything wrong with the “costume.” Guess they never heard about minstrel shows from the days of old. The really sad thing is that young girls want to be like this girl. The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders are strippers without poles, let’s do better.

Dear Whitney,

We know there’s no IQ test for being a cheerleader but you’d know why everyone is upset if you Googled “black face”. What are you going to be next year, the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan? Decent members of society ask that you never appear in pictures in anything other than your “uniform” or we’ll be forced to continue to blog the words “hoe please” when you do stupid things. Oh yea, we almost forgot, please don’t speak unless the executive wrote the words for you. We wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself, thinking  is hard.

Your’s truly,

People who know better than you!