Love & Hoe Hop Season Finale

School is totally blocking on my ability to watch my favorite reality shows in real time and chat about them with my Facebook friends. Below are the comments I would’ve written on Facebook, had I watched it with all your loveliness in real time. Comment, follow, share, “like” & most of all enjoy!

  • Kimbella. Am I the only one tired of her pretending she & Juelz have a regular relationship? How much can Juelz really give you from Rikers? Kimbella needs Dr. Drew because she doesn’t even know what right sounds like. Also can we get her some EFL; not to be confused with ESL. Kimbella needs “English as a First Language” if she doesn’t know the difference between flourish and flower. By hearing her speak I know good and well she can’t help that 9 year old with his homework.  I’m gonna need Kimbella to go with Emily to child support court and on the way stop at CVS and get some dye to touch up that ever present root situation. Can we get her a thesaurus app too? She didn’t know what “woman’s intuition” is. Feel free to explain to me how a man can be committed but not all the way. I thought being all the way in was the definition of commitment. But hey, this may be another misunderstandment.
  • Chrissy. Please don’t get chubby, you finally got the ring. That means you’re winning. Don’t slip now! Stay strong, resist Mama Jones’s crack infused biscuits. Chrissy, is Jimmy loyal to a wedding date?
  • Olivia. I want Olivia to win so it’s hard for me to say anything bad about her. What I can say is, that if the singing thing doesn’t work out, which it probably won’t; she should start a weave line. Her hair is always laid like she wants to be on the A List. Who does she think she is? She’s worth more than $1.5 million, really? Stay tuned because next season she’s gonna be back at home getting notes slipped under her door. I cannot understand that Pretty Girl blouse she was wearing in the confessional either. Feel free to explain.
  • Yandy. If there is a season 3 with Yandy, I’m gonna need VH1, Mona or whoever else has the power, to get her some speech therapy. I cannot take anyone with a Donald Duck accent seriously. Once she gets that together, I might consider looking into her “jury” line. I’m just kidding, we know those stones ain’t real. Let’s move on.
  • Mama Jones. Can we have a new rule that once you’re a Grandma you cannot start a rap career? Who’s doing the thinking at Club Shadow? Why would they book her? She must have Frankie’s manager. If she gets a spin off I’m killing myself. Did y’all peep how the dolphin was the only one who understood Mama Jones at the dolphin cove? My head almost exploded when she said was going to look for the “naked” beach. After seeing her boyish frame in that massage towel, I really hope for the sake of everything that’s good and holy Mama Jones did not expose further herself.
  • Ms. Mona. I’d love for Ms. Mona to get a spin off where she reads each and every outta focus bitch for an entire episode.
  • Emily. My good girlfriends from the Skorpion Show said it best. If Jay-Z can claim Beyonce, Fabolous could claim Emily if he wanted to. We just saw him plastered across the blogs with Adrienne used to be in 3LW Baillon for the reopening for 40/40. Emily, get a child support order and move on. The chances of Loso being faithful are about as high as Kimbella becoming valedictorian.  P.S. Em, watch out for Winter. She’s definitely sampled the Coco Loso. 
Thankfully Bratz Doll, Teairra Mari was nowhere to be seen. I have an idea, T. Mari should start a beef with FunkFlex so she can get some airtime.  They better not bring her back next season. One out of work singer (Olivia) is more than enough.
I hate to type this but Somaya is actually the winner this season. She got a man to invest $500K in her joke of a music career. That situation let me know that I’m doing something wrong because half of that would get Sallie Mae up off my back and leave me with some change. Somaya, girl put me on!
Did I miss anything? Lemme know!

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