Let me begin by saying, I liked Christina Milian. I wanted her to do well. She’s kind of like the Latina Ciara, meaning that she should be bigger than what she is but for whatever reason she just isn’t. I was kind of excited to see the show initially. That was before they released that sinfully atrocious remix. If you remember, in my last post I discussed Christina Milian’s terrible rendition of “Drunk in Love.”
The show is in on the E! network. It’s actually called “Christina Milian Turned Up.” When I first saw the promotional ads for the show I was skeptical because of the name. It’s 2015, we need to turn down the use of “turned up” to somewhere at or near zero.
I was willing to look beyond the name but after watching I realized that this show should just be called “The Cuban Cardashians.” Christina is Kim. Her momager Carmen is Kris. She has 2 sisters Danielle and Lizzy who could be totally be Khloe and Kourtney.
As I watched, I kind of hoped the sisters, who are beautiful would be charismatic enough to get their own spin off. About 10 minutes into the episode I realized that will not be happening. Lizzy is converting to Orthodox Judaism. When I heard that I was like “bish what?” Apparently an ex-boyfriend introduced her to the religion and she fell in love with it. She didn’t keep the man but she is keeping the religion. She lost me when she went to Christina’s house and started throwing out the bacon and put a rock in a pot talking about “now it’s Kosher.” That could not have been me. If your dietary restrictions conflict with mine whoever is paying the rent or mortgage wins. Later we found out that Lizzy has a history of this kind of behavior. Apparently when she dated a surfer, she wanted to surf and when she dated a personal trainer, she tried to become a trainer too.
I could barely take Lizzy but I certainly cannot take Christina’s other sister Danielle. Danielle is still very broken. At the beginning of the show we learned that when Christina Milian was young, her mom travelled with her leaving her sisters at home with their dad. Their dad then up and married his mistress leaving Danielle to feel abandoned by both parents. I’m no Iyanla Vanzant but Danielle clearly needs to fix her life. She’s a newly wed new mom. Her husband is a tall seemingly reliable White man who has more than a few coins but that’s not good enough for her. It’s obvious that she never got over her parents perceived abandonment and now is treating her husband as if he’s going to suddenly leave just like her dad did. What she doesn’t realize is that she may be unknowingly sabotaging herself into the exact same life she claims that she’s trying to avoid.
I liked Carmen, the matriarch. She kind of lost me when she got a tattoo for her 50 something birthday. My rule is, no tattoos after 30. In my humble opinion, tattoos are a young person’s game. That said, I was willing to look beyond the tattoo. Carmen looks great for her age and like she still plays spades at the family cookout.
After Danielle, Christina was my least favorite. She is 33 years old, divorced and has a nearly 5 year old daughter. This whole “I’m rebelling” thing seems kind of late for someone who has already gone through so much. She kept saying this is the new “Turn Up Tina.” She got her nipple pierced which is so tired. She wants to change her look. I’m confused as to why she’s changing her look but still singing “Dip It Low.” There were a couple scenes of her sneaking around on the phone with Lil Wayne. She said she’s signed to Young Money but as a result of that terrible song we know that she’s doing more than singing on that label.
I don’t know if I’ll continue to watch because Turn Up Tina is kind of boring and I find it weird that she’s dating the Baby Daddy of her ex husband’s ex wife.
Did you watch Christina and the rest of them? Will you watch? Comment below and let me know!