Tag Archives: money

Caught Phrases

Posted in Culture, Random by

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and a phrase (or several) raised your antennae?  I’m going to give you a few phrases that should raise your suspicions immediately.

  • “When I get my tax refund” This attempt at the okie doke has probably been around as long as the IRS has existed. If someone claims they are going to gift, loan or repay you anything with their tax refund; FORGET IT! Anyone who treats a tax refund like the lotto probably shouldn’t be trusted. Avoid this phrase at all costs. It’ll bring you nothing but a let down. 
  • “Settlement”  Talks of a “settlement” are probably the only thing less reliable than the statement about tax refund money. I’ve heard many people claim they were going to buy a house in Florida, get a car or start a business after they got their “settlement.” You don’t have to be a former psychic friend to guess that those same people were still taking the train to the place they had been living and owned little more than the clothes they were wearing. If someone comes to you with a settlement story let them know they’re an amateur and as a result of reading this you’re un-okiedokeable
  • “The haters. . .” It’s 2012. If you can’t give me specific names and alleged wrong doings save your story for someone who has more time than me. Anyone who is doing anything mildly respectable in life has haters. If you’re really real there’s no need to discuss these people frequently. If you’re living right the “haters” will always be there. 
  • “I was in school for. . .” This phrase usually precedes a sad story about getting knocked up or not realizing tuition is due yearly. If you need inspiration, download Kanye West’s “College Dropout” and try to come up with a plan. 
  • “We need to talk” This usually means “we need to talk about something you don’t want to talk about.” 
  • “I thought we were friends/cool, etc. . .” If you need to say this to someone; don’t. You needing to ask is evidence that you’re not really friends, cool or really anything with the party to whom you’re saying this. If you ever feel the need to utter this phrase end it with “but I see we’re not” and treat the recipient like a stranger. Stranger may be a little harsh but hey, it’s a cold world.   

What are other phrases we need to watch for? Let me know! 

Other People’s Money

Santorum's sweater vest

As if thinking sweater vests were still okay wasn’t bad enough, Rick Santorum recently received 10,000 side eyes for his comment on Fox News about not wanting to make Black peoples’ lives better by giving them someone else’s money. If you didn’t see the footage, watch it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/03/rick-santorum-entitlements-black-people_n_1181212.html. After seeing this, I began to think. Is Santorum against giving away other people’s money in all cases? Let’s explore.

Gifts 

Did you get a nice crisp bill or check from Grandma for Christmas? If you’re one of my Black readers you may want to return it. According to Ricky Sandstorm; I mean Santorum, having other people’s money isn’t the way to feel good about yourself. Tell Grandma you still love her but you want to be self-reliant and taking gifts from her doesn’t fit with that.

Inheritance

If you don’t think taking other people’s money after they die makes people feel good Google “Paris Hilton.” Since inheritance is one of the main ways wealthy people become and remain wealthy I’m guessing Anti-Santa, I mean Santorum, is okay with it. But, if we go on his same logic about making people feel good with other people’s money, Santorum should be fighting for a 100% inheritance tax. After all we wouldn’t someone who inherited money becoming famous because the only thing of note they’ve ever done is call Lindsay Lohan a “fire crotch.” Wait, that already happened? Never mind. If you don’t remember Google “Brandon Davis.”

Life Insurance

Life insurance is other people’s money. A lot of other people. Like welfare the money came from people the beneficiary doesn’t even know. Lost a spouse, parent or anyone else who would name you beneficiary? Get ready to work through  grief at work because I’m guessing Santorum wouldn’t want you having the comfort of feeling good about yourself because “someone else” paid money during their lives intended to benefit you once they died.

Brown, White, Yellow & Red

Santorum said didn’t want Blacks feeling good about themselves because of welfare. Well, what about all the Asians, Native Americans, Latinos, and, hold your breath, Whites getting welfare too? Are they special because they’re not Black or are they just Welfare Princesses and the example has to be made of only the Welfare Queens?

As if you couldn’t tell by now none of this makes any logical sense. I’d Rick to first think about the loyalty of whoever told him sweater vests are still acceptable in 2012. Then he can move on to the really hard things; like talking without sounding like an old school bigot. If we learned nothing else from Herman Brought the Pain Cain and Clarence Thomas we learned that in this day an age, racism has to be high tech. Or maybe Santorum got his racism from the same era when sweater vests were in style. Either way, I’ve had more than enough of him and his ancient ideas.